Casual remark at nursery has me worried about DS

[Oceanwarmedbythesun]

DS turned two in December and he does struggle with social situations. He will sometimes push and bite. Nursery tell me when this happens as they should, and they commented that he isn’t very verbal. I thought he was about average and now I’m worried.

He has a lot of words - well over a hundred, but he isn’t asking questions or using sentences much, I do know some of his friends are saying quite complex things like over there mummy and so on.

I am just wondering if it’s anything to be concerned about?

That sounds like a decent amount of words and not all children are making sentences by that age

I wouldn't worry about his speech just yet as long as he's using his words often and in the right situations

I would worry more about the behaviour and you saying that he's struggling socially, occasional toddler meltdowns and occasional biting / pushing etc is fairly common at 2 but if it's very frequent that's a cause for concern and something to discuss with HV.

If its just at nursery there might be something about the setting that's causing him stress but if it's also happening at home I would look first towards getting him help learning to calm and regulate his emotions in a healthy way rather than potentially looking to get him a diagnosis (which it sounds like you might be worrying about?)

Think honestly about weather he is exposed to things that could teach him that's OK. Does he have older siblings who play rough with him? Does he hear adults arguing? Does he watch too much TV or things for older kids?

Ask the nursery if they have concerns over his language and what they suggest.

The only way to make sense of what the comment meant is to ask them to actually say if they think it warrants any further support.

But pushing and biting at 2 is standard and I thought they expected about 50 words at 2nd birthday? If so 100 sounds fine. You may just need to model language.

Honestly, no. It started at around 16/17 months; he was bitten a couple of times at nursery and then there was an awful stage of me getting reports of him biting nearly every day. Very upsetting. I’ve never seen him bite, it’s only at nursery (not that that makes it necessarily better) but he does shove other children and get very possessive and territorial about toys, sometimes wanting what someone else has just because they have it rather than because he wants it.

It did improve a bit at around 20 months but never gone away completely if you like.

We never argue at home - I mean, I don’t mean we have a perfect relationship, I’m sure we annoy one another sometimes but it is never an argument, we do discuss things reasonably. He has no siblings and he only watches CBeebies so I can’t think why he’s like this.

By second birthday yes but he’s nearly 2 and 3 months so hard to know what to expect. His friends do seem to talk in a more mature way and express themselves better, but hard to know.

No sentences by 2 is a red flag.

Not because there is likely to be anything wrong, but because it is time to start investigating if there is a reason.

He has them but very basic.

At around 22 months he started to say hello mummy bye bye baby. I thought this was the start of sentences but we stagnated then for ages. At around 2 he started to say mummy’s here, daddy’s here. He also says all gone and oh no bike (if someone falls off a bike for instance) or noisy mummy if I dry my hair, noisy daddy if his dad is mowing the lawn. No other sentences yet.

Has he had a 2 year review with the health visitor? The 2 year ages and stages questionnaire was what prompted my sons referrals to audiology and paediatrics around his lack of speech etc.

to be honest, I'd count that as sentences, he is selecting individual words and using them together.

No, we haven’t heard from the HV since he was about ten months and we’ve since moved house anyway. I think they must be behind here anyway because no one I know has had a two year review.

I know @Nimbostratus100 but I suppose what I mean is that a lot of children his age seem to be putting together more complex sentences like my nose hurts or I’m tired … it could just be that he knows a lot of clever kids! I don’t want to worry about nothing but equally I veer between thinking he’s fine and thinking something is amiss,

You really have to be proactive and reach out to the health visitor if you’re concerned.

We don’t actually have one,@Rainallnight - and this is the thing, I don’t know if I am concerned or not! It’s so hard knowing what’s ‘normal’. The comment about him watching inappropriate things has worried me as well.

I have a little boy with autism and yes there are red flags there but it's also normal two year old behavior so it's impossible to tell if there is an issue to he worried about. I'd definitely speak to my health visitor as you can't do any harm in checking things out

I wouldn't worry - all the training I did, the two red flags were no words at 1, or no sentences at 2, and even then, most of these children were fine, it was just the time that hearing, etc, was checked again, and other causes might start to be investigated.

Your son is clearly speaking in sentences before 2, so well within the range of normal

Hi op my dd is 2y7m and I just wanted to say - I used to be a bit worried about her speech because when she was 2y1m she said words but didn't want to talk much, preferred to nod, point etc. She also was very unsettled at nursery and possessive of toys, not biting but she'd get upset at the other kids. Her friend at nursery, only 2m older, could say full on sentences and understand instructions and things. Then suddenly, like really suddenly, about 3m later dd just came out of her shell and I remember one day about 2y4m she said a really long sentence, something like "I want the magnets so I can put them there". It just happened suddenly like almost overnight, and now she talks all the time in sentences. So hopefully it'll be the same with your ds, these things can change suddenly

(I remember the sentence because I was like, almost happy-crying and then texted the family group chat about it...so...that tells you how worried I'd been lol)

You will have one, you just need to find them. Ask your GP, or children’s centre if you still have one.

Thank you. He’s a happy child, and he does have good understanding. I think it’s because I thought he was following a roughly normal sort of trajectory and the comment from nursery made me feel he isn’t. It’s hard to know!

We definitely don’t have a childrens centre and we are still with the old GP, so that’s no help at the moment.

My son is exactly the same age and has fewer words than your son and no sentences. He understands everything however.

I don't have a health visitor as such but phoned the local health visitor service in the autumn and again last month. They were helpful and reassuring but still no sign of our check up letter yet so I'm calling again this week. I've also had the doctor check his ears and will be pushing for a proper hearing test to be sure, as the doctor wasn't 100% there isn't a slight issue with his ears.

I'm finding I have to be proactive- there may be no issue and it will all come naturally but I'd rather get help sooner if not.

Mine doesn't go to nursery but I have found a pre school for next year and the head there doesn't seem concerned by his speech, she said they are finding an increase in speech delay in children around this age. The doctor and HVs didn't seem concerned either but I'm not convinced and will keep pushing.

He sounds completely normal for his age @Oceanwarmedbythesun
I imagine the nursery mentioned he wasn’t very verbal as he’s using the pushing as a way to tell other children he’s not happy etc, rather than using his words. Once he’s talking more the physical side should lessen. But nursery should be teaching him to use kind hands etc as and when this stuff happens.

My DS2 is just about to have his 2 year HV review and he’s 2 1/2, so a bit later than normal. Our DS1 was talking a lot more, and more clearly by this age, so they are all different.
I wouldn’t be worried at all with your DS speech, it sounds like he’s saying lots of words and joining words together. That will continue and his sentences will get longer. It’s natural to compare them to their peers, but he’s doing absolutely fine.

Thanks. He has improved regarding biting and pushing, it is definitely worse when tired or under the weather.

No one I know has had their 2 year check so I do think they are delayed generally.

@Oceanwarmedbythesun I'd be starting to get a bit worried, but do you do a lot of the talking for him? Do you jump to do as he wants because you 'know' already?

I know your child is an only, but it's something that's common with a younger sibling because the eldest talks for them. Parents do it too though.

so, I'd start by being aware of that and waiting until he asks for xyz (when you know he has the vocabulary).

Definitely talk to him a lot, explain what you're doing, what comes next etc.

id give it a month then start to make some enquiries.

but some kids do 'store it all up' then one day they're just talking in full sentences.

Godson shortly before he turned three. He'd barely spoken the odd word before then -older sister who never shut up 🫢 'Daddy, the train is late today'

train lines at the end of the garden, always used to come just before their cuckoo clock struck 12 (full on routine with movement/music). From then on he didn't stop until he hit his teens, now he has the teen grunt!!

I'd try not to worry. If there's anything like autism going on you can't change it, all you can do is support him as best you can and access services to help him, which I'm sure you'd do anyway!

When I had concerns at that age, the speech and language said if they're putting two words together at 2 then they're on track. Doesn't matter if its 2yo or 2y 11mo that's what they assess it by.

Most areas have speech and language self referral service where they'll give you some advice over the phone. Have a Google

And I didn't mean don't worry because it's not worrying, I just mean it's time that could be better spent with dc. I've got 2 kids with sen and the amount of energy I spent worrying at that age, honestly I wish I'd just enjoyed them more