When is it safe for a toddler to be in the bath alone?

[sugaryouth1]

My toddler is 2 and a half. Slightly over. I've always sat with her in the bathroom while she has a wash. I've started pottering about upstairs while she's in the bath. I'm always on the same level in the house as her. Our house is tiny so I'm literally at most 3 steps away from the bathroom. In the last month she never stops talking. And I mean never stops talking so I can hear her in the bath. If she goes quiet I poke my head round.

All I'm doing is occasionally putting washing away. Getting her pyjamas out.

I would never go downstairs.

Is this safe? I'm a first time mum and I do have anxiety. My husband has said it's fine and I shouldn't worry. But I am. Part of my therapy and medication is to help me do things I'm not comfortable with and I'm not sure whether I'm uncomfortable with this as a part of my anxiety.

You are not an idiot! Don't feel bad about having common sense.

Not trying to be nasty, but are you sure you understood correctly? It's frankly unbelievable that they'd advise you to leave your two year old unsupervised in the bath 🤦‍♀️

Mine were swimming independently at two and a half so I started to leave them (with the door open and just for a short potter) about then.

I wasn’t comfortable until they could swim though.

You're not an idiot. You're thinking it through and learning to trust yourself. You've asked for opinions.

You were right!

How deep is your bath?!

I went to get some clean clothes for 15 seconds while my 4yo was in the bath and he poured the entire bottle of bubble bath in. It took ages to get him unbubbled.

So a more lighthearted reason to stay in the room!

I would nip out for a moment like that but not more. (And next time will hide the bubble bath)

The words 'toddler' and 'in the bath alone' do not belong in the same sentence together, unless you're adding a big fat NEVER.

Given they can drown in under a minute, I think I left more than I should have!

I guess we all know more about it now than even ten years ago.

I used to check in every 15 seconds or so (small house!) and never went downstairs, but it helps to be able to tidy round while they’re in there. I used to get DD to chat or sing to me so I could tell she was ok!

From about 3, I'd make a quick dash into the room next door for a towel, if I'd forgotten it, but literally run, grab and return, and I'd really try to avoid getting in that position.

At 5 I'm happy with pottering on the same level, but that's about it.

😵‍💫

Also being able to swim doesn't help due to the small shape of a bath.

Being able to swim won't save them from drowning if they slip and bang their head. Young children can drown in 2 or 3 inches of water, regardless of swimming ability.

@ReadersD1gest I see her once a month, as she's got older I see her less. Therapist I mean. I also see a doctor under the same team. One of my main issues with my little girl is leaving her in the care of someone else or basically being away from her. She's never slept at grandparents or anything and I bought this up with my therapist. She said that I could try leaving her in the bathroom alone while she showers and I stay nearby but not in the same room. She mentioned building up and to do this I need to be uncomfortable and see that nothing bad will happen. She suggested the bath, she said I'm close by and I'll see nothing bad has happened if that makes sense..sorry if that makes no sense and I've just rambled for a paragraph

1. FFS that's ridiculous. They're allowed in public swimming pools by themselves at 8!

@sugaryouth1 I don't think they were very bright suggesting this as a way to help with your anxiety. However, pottering around in the rooms adjacent to the bathroom while she chatters/sings IS fine. If you're not easily distracted & switch off.

that would be my worry these days! So I wouldn't do it anymore, but before I was so good at 'tuning out' I did it without a worry because I was very alert to them & the constant chatter.

there is no 'safe depth' though (other than an empty bath) because they have not yet developed the 'sit up' thoughts, they just lay there & can drown in a tiny amount of water.

i understand they're trying to help your anxiety, but id worry about their credential when they suggest things like this!

NOTE: if 'letting her play in traffic' is their next suggestion. RUN

I just had a sinking feeling when she suggested it and I thought I was just being overly anxious and it was just my anxiety telling me but I'm not leaving her anymore in the bathroom. Kinda kicking myself here. She's my absolute world

That is insane, a child could be beyond saving within 30 seconds - happened to a school friends of mine, very much older in less time

Thank you everyone! You've all been so much help. I am going to make an effort to differentiate between the anxiety and the somethings not right feeling

Hey @sugaryouth1 I can see what your therapist was saying about being out of your comfort zone but her example was a bit daft. You say she suggested in the shower. Both being alone in a bath or a shower are just not safe for a toddler really because of drowning or slipping. The therapist is simply wrong that you would see that nothing bad happened because in that scenario an accident could very easily happen and I don't think it would be overly anxious of you to worry about that.

I think what might be better is for you to start leaving your toddler with other people like grandparents for short periods. For example, could you leave the room /house leaving your toddler with another trusted adult? Could you go to the shop / go for lunch etc? That sounds like a much safer way to push your boundaries. Even if you start with them coming to your home and you going to hang the washing out or something.

It takes seconds to drown so tbh the most id do is leave his door open and whilst I’m talking to him dash into the opposite room and then back with things. Even that isn’t ideal though because what if you trip? Mine is 3.5. Basically anything before school is risky.

I've just started nipping out with mine at 4.5 years. He's now physically big enough to right himself if he slips over, knows to use the bath handles if he does slip.

Bath time is a great play opportunity though, its something we've always actively taken part in with ours

Ds is 8 and I still stay in the bathroom! We chat and have a laugh. He bathes. I put a face pack on and dye/pluck brows etc! Last year I saw a bloody awful video of a lass on her phone whilst a dc went under and drowned. Really is anything more important than watching a dc in water?

A child can drown in three inches of water and it happens quickly and silently. If it makes you feel anxious to leave your DC, stay. Seems to me you are getting weird mental health advice.

I would never have let mine swim unsupervised at 8, personally.

There's lots of freedom I was happy for them to have but being without an adult in a pool, no.

@WonderingWanda it's funny cos she goes to nursery but the only reason I cope with that is well I have to work for starters but they have an app so I can see what she's doing and I can message them and things. But the grandparents makes me feel sick with anxiety. And I love my husbands family. And I know they'd love to have her. I like the idea of doing the washing or maybe going to theirs and going upstairs for a bit.

Anxiety is a very funny thing