Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Dads Changing Nappies

65 replies

mumontheskoolrun · 04/03/2023 16:27

Speaking to school Mums and other Mums of babies since having DC2, I'm surprised at the amount of Dads that won't change nappies or wipe bums!!

Anyone experience this or have heard of this?

I have a friend who has a 6 year old daughter and her husband ( who is the father ) had only changed her nappy about 4 times because he had to be cause she was on her hen weekend.

WTF???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Youraccountisnolongervalid · 04/03/2023 16:30

That was very common one generation ago so I’m not surprised that for some this is still the case.

Mumof1andacat · 04/03/2023 16:30

Called laziness and being childish. Changing a nappy is no ones favourite task but has to be done...also why are the partners allowing this to happen?

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/03/2023 16:31

Some men are lazy twats as parents. Not really front page news.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Families General parenting

MistyFrequencies · 04/03/2023 16:31

All my friends who are Dads/friends husbands change nappies. Very odd that there are men out there opting out of such a basic part of having a kid. Even odder that there are women accepting that.

Original poster

mumontheskoolrun · 04/03/2023 16:32

Mumof1andacat · 04/03/2023 16:30

Called laziness and being childish. Changing a nappy is no ones favourite task but has to be done...also why are the partners allowing this to happen?

I love changing my baby boy's nappy. It's like making a dirty work top clean again 😂

It makes him happy and he can play go and play again in comfort. A bit weird, I know 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

OP posts:

Original poster

mumontheskoolrun · 04/03/2023 16:38

And may I add that he only changed the nappy 4 times because he only had the child for half a day, he took her to his Mum's house so she could have her for the rest of the weekend so he didn't have to look after her and he went home!

OP posts:

Onnabugeisha · 04/03/2023 16:40

My father never changed a nappy. My mum tore her hair out over it.
My DHs father also never changed a nappy either.

Fortunately my manly former navy husband was right in there and fine changing nappies. He even did them one handed when he had shoulder operations and one arm was in a sling for two months, followed by the other arm in a sling for two months.

He did loads more nappies than I did as I breastfed so I did input, and the agreement was that in return he took care of the output. This included all night feeds. Then I went back to work and he was a SAHD so he did all feeding of the breastmilk I pumped plus the nappies and toilet training.

Fudgewomble · 04/03/2023 16:41

The only person I have ever heard of refusing is my 80 year old FIL in the 1970s. But even then he wasn’t necessarily typical as both my father and grandfather changed nappies. Are these men in question particularly young or immature?

GotABeatForYouMama · 04/03/2023 16:53

I think there are several reasons

laziness
the notion that it's the mother's "job" and
the fact that SOME mothers tend to micro-manage when it comes to nappy changing or even dressing the baby.

WhatNoRaisins · 04/03/2023 17:00

My own DM was really impressed at how me and DH more or less took turns with poo nappies. I thought it was a bit depressing to be honest.

QueenOfWeeds · 04/03/2023 17:02

DH changed a nappy when we were at a midwife clinic (about 3 weeks after DD was born) and the midwife commented to me that she could see I was well supported, and how nice it was to see.

He is supportive, but I also think changing a nappy whilst I am fielding questions about my postpartum health is the bare minimum we should expect.

Runningonempty01 · 04/03/2023 17:07

I can remember having a bit of a panic when my husbands paternity leave was up as I hadn't actually done a nappy yet ( I was mainly breastfeeding , eating or sleeping) He is a nurse and quite used to dealing with adult incontinence nappies so his own breastfeed newborn wasn't really an issue!

RunTowardsTheLight · 04/03/2023 17:11

I'm surprised by this. I don't know any man who hasn't changed their children's nappies.

Topseyt123 · 04/03/2023 17:13

I'd call it laziness and misogyny. There are men who are too lazy and there are men who believe that anything baby related is the job of the woman. There is a fair bit of overlap between the two groups too. Some are just arses.

My Dad was happy to change nappies when he wasn't at work back in the 1960s. My DH's Dad did too.

My DH would change nappies when our DDs were born. Not as many as me, but that was because he was working and at that stage I wasn't.

The majority of my friends had partners or husbands who would change nappies, though we were aware of relationships where there seemed to be the odd twat who wouldn't.

Scottishskifun · 04/03/2023 17:17

Personally I think some women have very low expectations for fathers and they shrug it off! I however don't think it's acceptable at all and parenting is about working as a team and sharing the load. I expect nothing less from my DH! There would be a serious row and I would kick him out if he ever thought that he could put his feet up and not do any childcare responsibilities.

MrsFionaCharming · 04/03/2023 17:20

I had to get DH to show me how to change a nappy when he went back to work after 3 weeks paternity leave. Even how he does every single one when he’s not working.

Since I’m breastfeeding, we split the work. I do the top half of the baby and he does the bottom half!

bussteward · 04/03/2023 17:38

DP does the nappies, I do the feeds. I don’t know any men who don’t change nappies, including my dad and his generation (he’s 75), except for FIL who refused to even hold our baby, claiming he’s never held one 🙄. He’s got 2 kids and 5 grandchildren but sure, Jan

Helenloveslee4eva · 04/03/2023 17:50

Heck .my dad did everything for h MH w as a baby and he was born in 1923!
I was even taken into school with him once ( primary ) as part of a topic on babies 😂

bellocchild · 04/03/2023 18:20

Wholly-committed, 100% hands-on dad in 1980s found EBF nappies made him heave a bit - but he managed if he had to! After weaning started, he was fine.

CoalCraft · 04/03/2023 19:29

Bizarre. My husband has certainly changed no fewer nappies than me.

Jemandthehologramsunite · 04/03/2023 19:55

This shocks me. My DH is pretty useless, but at least he does 90% of the nappies. Some people really shouldn't be allowed to have kids. The only way I think this would be acceptable is if he did more of other things to make up for it. I don't even think I could stay with a person who was this pathetic, I don't know why but this really makes me angry 😤

Mammyloveswine · 04/03/2023 22:20

I breastfed so DH did most nappy changes in the night/when he was around as that was about all he could do to physically help...with DS1 he would settle beautifully for DH. DS2 hated DH and just wanted me for the first 2 months..that was tough.

DH probs does more than I do for the kids as we are both full time but my job is a lot more demanding.

I wouldn't have children (or if I did I wouldn't stay with them!) with a man who was this pathetic and misogynistic to think they can opt out of parenting.

Swiftswatch · 04/03/2023 22:23

It’s not normal at all, I don’t know a single man who would do this or boast about it. It’s utterly depressing.
Why on earth some women put up with men like this I will never know.

SpottyStripyDuvet · 04/03/2023 22:28

I remember my DM going out one evening and DF asking 5 year old me to help changing DB's nappy because he didn't know how to fold and pin it. This was 1981 and considered a bit crap then! These days I don't know any Dad's who won't take their turn.

Struddlefor1 · 04/03/2023 22:37

DS’s dad is a bit like this.

He will only change a nappy if I’m not there and it’s full to the point of leaking.

I don’t know why I put up with it, but we’re nearly at potty-training stage so I doubt I’ll make a fuss now. Mostly I just get on with everything myself.

Flip

1 2 3