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Original poster

Picking battles or undermining your partner?

36 replies

Ricketts · 03/03/2023 07:02

Interested to hear views on this situation yesterday.

DW and I have a 2 year old DS. He’s started nursery two mornings a week. Every morning we give him milk and we’re trying to get him to drink from a cup rather than a bottle. He always drinks juice / water from a cup but he likes his milk from a bottle.

Yesterday we were running a bit late and when I offered him milk and I reached for the cup he screamed he wanted it from a bottle. My wife insisted on a cup and I poured milk in the cup. DS continued to scream for a bottle and after ten minutes, I decided to give in and pour it in a bottle.

DW comes in from putting her make up on and is furious for me undermining her. I thought in this case, I was picking my battles as he was so upset.

In this case, was I wrong to undermine my wife, or do you sometimes also pick your battles?

OP posts:
MGee123 · 03/03/2023 07:07

I agree with your approach that this isn't a battle I would have and I don't think it is something I would react so strongly to. Perhaps there was other stuff going on that day that fuelled her reaction? So long as he is drinking from a cup for other fluids I'd cut my losses on having milk from a bottle for now. Perhaps a conversation about it with your wife when you're both calmer? Ask her what her worries are re the bottle and come up with a plan?

DragonbornMum · 03/03/2023 07:12

It's very tricky. As you did try the cup for 10 min, I would say that you didn't undermine on this occasion but dealt with the scenario as it was. Often I will give instructions to my husband/mum when they're on duty, but because of circumstances they deviate to do what they think is best in that situation. This is fine. The important thing is he drank his milk

Perhaps your wife was feeling rushed or stressed about something and that's why she got so upset

jannier · 03/03/2023 07:17

Why insist he drinks milk at 2? If he has cereal, cheese, yoghurt and bed time milk he will be getting enough.
I'd have just changed the drink. I see her point now he knows screaming makes you give in he will scream longer next time. Your battle was picked when you first said he had to drink from a cup and lost when you gave in.

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shakeitoffsis · 03/03/2023 07:28

Get rid of the bottle they should have been gone at 12 months.

Aftjbtibg · 03/03/2023 07:30

Nect time you’ll find he screams for longer as he thinks that’s how to get the bottle he wants. I wouldn’t have an argument with DH if he did this but I’d say to him I don’t think it was wise: if he goes to nursery without any milk it’s not the end of the world.

Aftjbtibg · 03/03/2023 07:32

Also in my experience if you want to stop bottles you have to get rid of them completely so they know it’s not an option and you’re not tempted like in this scenario

Original poster
Ricketts · 03/03/2023 08:45

shakeitoffsis · 03/03/2023 07:28

Get rid of the bottle they should have been gone at 12 months.

That’s what we’re trying to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ricketts · 03/03/2023 08:46

jannier · 03/03/2023 07:17

Why insist he drinks milk at 2? If he has cereal, cheese, yoghurt and bed time milk he will be getting enough.
I'd have just changed the drink. I see her point now he knows screaming makes you give in he will scream longer next time. Your battle was picked when you first said he had to drink from a cup and lost when you gave in.

We don’t insist on it, he just likes milk

OP posts:
Original poster
Ricketts · 03/03/2023 08:47

Aftjbtibg · 03/03/2023 07:32

Also in my experience if you want to stop bottles you have to get rid of them completely so they know it’s not an option and you’re not tempted like in this scenario

I think this is the point really. We need to stop it completely. It’s only for the milk as he drinks everything else from a cup but I guess he finds it comforting.

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 03/03/2023 08:49

Throw the bottles out then their is no option!

Thesearmsofmine · 03/03/2023 08:52

I wouldn’t have given the bottle. It’s ok to say no to your child, nothing bad would have happened if he didn’t have some milk.

InDubiousBattle · 03/03/2023 08:53

If we'd decided together that the bottles were going then I would stick to it and not undermine the other parent by giving them. However, it's absolutely not a fight I'd have with a 2 year old! My dc still had milk in a bottle at bedtime at that age and it really doesn't matter.

User65412 · 03/03/2023 08:58

I agree that it's not the end of the world if he has it from a bottle, however, if I'd offered the cup and could see him getting upset and decided I didn't want that battle today, I would swap to the bottle quickly rather than let it go on for 10 minutes. I'm all for picking battles, but it needs to be seen that it was your choice early doors rather than after 10 mins of tantrums. If you go down the road of 'the battle' then you have to see it through if that makes sense? That's what I try to do anyway 😂

Original poster
Ricketts · 03/03/2023 09:11

Makes sense, I think I wouldn’t have “given in” if we weren’t in a rush to leave.

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 03/03/2023 09:17

DW comes in from putting her make up on

Tbh if you were the one giving the milk, and she'd made the decision and then left the room, I think it's up to you how to do it. It's different to, for example, an older child where if one parent gives a punishment and then leaves the room, I'd say the other parent should stick to that and not undermine their partner. In this case, I think the parent giving the milk decides.

I agree that you should just get rid of the bottles all together though.

aSofaNearYou · 03/03/2023 09:25

I think YABU tbh, assuming she is also heavily involved in getting him ready. When you've been working on something with a kid, it's frustrating when the other parent sets you back and you know it's going to be even harder now.

I also agree with others that you should just drop the milk. He doesn't need it anymore, so if he'll only drink it out of a bottle then he just doesn't have milk. Going against your DW would have been more understandable if it was something he actually needed.

This happened with my DD - she wouldn't drink it if it wasn't out of a bottle, so it just stopped being part of her routine.

Soapnotshowergel · 03/03/2023 09:55

I just told my DC here were no more bottles and if they want milk it's in a cup, if you keep giving in then it just turns into a battle and a pointless one at that. A two year old can go a few mornings without milk if they're not going to drink what's offered to them.

jannier · 03/03/2023 10:09

Ricketts · 03/03/2023 08:46

We don’t insist on it, he just likes milk

Show quote history

But he's refusing it from a cup so I'd say it's either milk or water etc in a cup which one? No arguments....and ditch bottles they loose their suck reflex from 6 months so no need for any bottles day or night.

jannier · 03/03/2023 10:12

Ricketts · 03/03/2023 09:11

Makes sense, I think I wouldn’t have “given in” if we weren’t in a rush to leave.

Go without, get to nursery and say he refused a drink this morning as we're dropping bottles, can you offer one now please.

Original poster
Ricketts · 03/03/2023 10:13

Out of interest, what would you give bedtime milk in? An sort of munchkin cup? At dinner we give an open cup but we don’t mind spillage then.

OP posts:
Bunnyishotandcross · 03/03/2023 10:14

Swap the teat for the spout option. Then get a beaker with a straw.
Once dc learn how to use a straw they are happy!

Merrow · 03/03/2023 10:15

Munchkin 360 cup or Tommy tippee sippy one.

Original poster
Ricketts · 03/03/2023 10:22

We’ve got the munchkin 360 which we’ll stick to for evenings

OP posts:
Original poster
Ricketts · 03/03/2023 10:23

But if not, move to a straw

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 03/03/2023 10:27

Does he need bedtime milk? Mine all stopped at 12 months once they came off bottles. They had milk with breakfast in a cup and sometimes in the evening with or just after dinner.