Partner has regular time to himself (day off) I have zero!

[MummyC247]

I would love to hear opinions on our situation. I work 30 hours a week, pre school hours don’t cover my hours, so I’m either working (hours are flexible) or looking after our child.

Partner works full time, has weekends off and one day midweek every other week and then an occasional days holiday midweek. The midweek days off my partner has our child is at pre school so he has the full day to himself. If I ask him to do drop off on this day he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t mind doing picking up.

He doesn’t seem to understand that I literally never have any time to myself, let alone a full day off regularly. It’s an issue as I’m struggling to keep on top of our housework/ laundry (he does help with this but I definitely do the majority). I also desperately need some time to myself and feel resentful.

Am I expecting too much??

he'll make the child suffer to punish her if she does this

@Thesharkradar
Any father who does that, doesn't deserve to be one. If the op thought her husband would do that to his child, she should leave /pack his bags immediately and make sure he never sees his child again. Or her obvo.

On my day off I do the school run, food shop, at least 2 loads of laundry, tidy the house and cook dinner for 2 days and take the kids to swimming lessons. DH on his day off will sit on his arse watching Netflix or Prime and cook a quick dinner like sausages and mash or meatballs and pasta. Asked him to hoover by the sofa where he dropped loads of crumbs and he didn’t do it. Huge fight today, have had enough. Don’t put up with it, you deserve a break as much as him.

I think the posters saying he doesn't love or care about you are going too far.

It's more likely a combination of laziness (which we all have a tendency towards) and the fact that you've both been conditioned by society to think that the house and children is primarily the woman's job- and a man can fulfill his duty to the family by working and occasionally 'helping' his partner with 'her' household duties. This is why men receive a parade when they are alone with their child in a playground and why there are literally think pieces being published about the fact that Bluey's dad is shown to be carrying the laundry basket and playing with his children as much as Bluey's mother.

We are used to seeing women doing the lion's share and until someone points it out and refuses to stand for it- the status quo goes unchallenged.

OP's partner works, sees that as his manly contribution and he thinks (wrongly) that his time off work should be his own.

Ask him if he thinks you are entitled to an equal amount of free time. I assume he will say yes.

Then show him a breakdown of how little time you have compared to him, and ask him to reconcile that with his belief that things should be fair and equal.

Hi, I'm following this for advice as I have a similar problem. My kids are older at 13, 10 and 7 but I work 40 hours a week at home as a childminder with pre schoolers and my husband seems to think because I am at home I can do what I want.
He goes to the gym every morning at 6 until 7:30 ish and then comes back to cook his breakfast and go to work. I have tried asking him to maybe at least take the kids to school on his way to work as it would save me having to rush back from school run to be home for one work child to arrive. But he says he likes to start work at 8:30 and then he wouldn't start until 9. (he is self employed so not answering to anyone time wise)
He then comes in from work at 6 and just eats dinner and watches TV while I do all the homework, washing up, housework etc until I go to bed at 9:30. I like to go up at 9 to read for half hour so that I can unwind a bit but he gets a bit arsey that I don't sit down with him.
Then weekends he does entertain the kids but they ate older now and entertain themselves anyway but I do all housework. He then gets arsey if he wants us to go out somewhere and I say he'll have to help me with stuff at home first otherwise I'll be chasing my tail all week to catch up.
He says I should get up earlier in a Sat (hence the reason I'm writing this now as he gets up with the kids Sat to take to footy training!) so my me time is literally Sat mornings until 9:30 ish.
The problem is I've got very resentful about it lately. I think it never bothered me before as the kids were so young and so I knew I had to do it as they needed me and also I was too exhausted to even think about being resentful.
I will follow comments for advice on how to broach the subject.
I should add my husband earns the majority of our income so feels he works harder than me.
Many thanks

@BeckyBecBec

How dare he get arsey that you don't sit with him when you have been on your feet all evening while he relaxes?!

If he did half the load, you'd have the dishes and homework done much earlier and have time to spend with him before you collapse from exhaustion at the end of the day.

What a prick.

Have you had it out with him? How can he think it is acceptable to come home and put his feet up while you do everything?

@MummyC247 @BeckyBecBec

As you have both detailed, your own lives are miserable and shit because of your selfish lazy sexist husbands. Which would be your choice to continue with if you want.

The problem is what you are modelling to your children. As I'm sure was modelled to you growing up. You are showing your children that women are slaves to men, that a mothers happiness matters not at all, but the man's happiness does. They will do the same, and the cycle will continue.

Is this your fault? No, not at all. But you're the only ones who can do anything about it. Your husbands won't, because why would they, they get all the loveliness of having children and none of the shit.

Thanks so much for everyone’s input. This is something which has been discussed many many times already so I guess I know what I need to do really!
I will however try some of the suggestions made re working one longer day and will definitely look into fairplaylife!

I am going through this but because I have no other help I cannot leave....I have to stay in a miserable existence until I feel like my littlest is easier to handle..otherwise I will absolutely no support or help. He lives in a hotel. He does do pickups Mon to Thur....but I have told him he has x amount of weeks to finish up whatever he "has" to do desperately work on. I've actually considered getting a tracking device and attaching it to his vehicle. BTW everyone always says leave but trust me grass isn't always greener. More then 50 percent of spouses cheat! That doesn't even add in all the other personality issues people can have. When I see successful relationships that have lasted through the years there is almost ALWAYS one person giving more then the other (usually Mom). This is because societal norms towards women are still very abusive. Until that problem is fixed the truth it there aren't many Real Good Men out there
(2xs divorced, 3 kids from 3 different Dads, professional working Mom, still can't find a real man who doesn't see a women as their piece mail)