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Original poster

Sharing baby clothes

37 replies

Antsinmypants23 · 21/02/2023 11:44

Is it horrible of me to not want to share my baby clothes with my sister in law?
I know from being a regular poster here in the past that baby clothes sharing causes a debate, so I don’t want to come across rude, tight or inconsiderate by expressing this annoyance.

We are due almost 3 months apart so naturally clothes that my baby grows out of could be handed down to my sister in law to reuse for her baby. I’m almost certain I’d like us to have another baby with a close age gap, as I’m getting no younger and have teens already so I want to be finished before I’m 40. I don’t want the hassle of chasing up clothes my niece or nephew has outgrown to keep aside for another baby.
My sister in law thinks it will be an easy way to get free clothes and not have to buy any of her own, it’s almost been decided as a definite without even asking me or my husband first. My mother in law told me it would be a good idea and she has promised them to my sister in law. So I believe it wasn’t my sister in law asking but my mother in law suggesting it.
Perhaps I’m being precious as they are only clothes but it has irritated me. They know we have a large order on the way of neutral unisex baby clothes from various shops.
Did you share your baby clothes? Did you get back them in good Nick/ever see them again? How do I politely refuse vs. suck it up and not let it annoy me?

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Original poster

Antsinmypants23 · 21/02/2023 11:45

*them back in good nick
Sorry, baby brain has already begun!

OP posts:

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 21/02/2023 11:49

If you lend them you have to assume you won’t get them back. It’s too tricky to keep track. I think just say that you don’t know your plans yet so you’re hanging on to them. Three months is very close anyway, if you have a smaller baby and she has a whopper then you won’t be done with the clothes in time anyway.

That said, you might end up with loads of freebies too, and be less bothered about passing them on. You also might find you don’t like some styles and be happy to get rid.

We don’t know about a second so I’m doing a mix of keep and pass on.

Coffeecoffeeinmytummy · 21/02/2023 11:50

Just say no. She is being a CF. Even if she is struggling financially that’s not your problem to solve. Just ignore her and if she asks for clothes just say sorry we’ve already stored them away for next baby.

Also I have a classic MN suggestion here - it sounds like your MIL is sticking her beak in here so you need to get your DH to tell her to stop interfering.

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MrsBunnyEars · 21/02/2023 11:51

I think it is a bit tight of you.

It will only be the tiny sizes that you can pass down, and they wear them so little that they’ll probably be in good condition once she’s used them too.

Presumably she’ll buy some stuff too, which she’d pass on to you if you have another.

AreBearsCatholic · 21/02/2023 11:53

I would say it’s a bit risky to count on it as if the younger baby is bigger the sizes will overlap. If SIL wants to plan ahead perhaps she should buy some bundles. You could just say you can’t promise anything now and see how you feel. Perhaps giving some of the more generic stuff might be a solution.
I did borrow baby clothes from a friend and was scrupulous in taking care of them and returning them all for her second child but I imagine you don’t see your SIL doing the same. Also, it‘s difficult to guarantee that nothing will be stained beyond hope.

MaggieFS · 21/02/2023 11:54

Tricky one... at three months apart they might overlap anyway.

Clothes only go in three month increments for the first year, so thereafter it wouldn't be possible anyway.

You could always pass on the basics such as vests and sleep suits and then if you get asked about outfits just say 'I'm keeping those for the next one".

KirstenBlest · 21/02/2023 11:58

Your MIL has promised your SIL the baby clothes that your unborn baby has grown out of. How does she get to do that?

Your baby might be tiny and your SIL's a whopper, so would you give them to SIL for her to hand back?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/02/2023 11:58

If you want another child then you don't pass down baby clothes, you store them for your next.
You only pass down once you are completely done.
I dont know anyone who thinks differently.

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 21/02/2023 12:05

Yeah I might sound tight but I wouldn't be handing over any clothes I liked or wanted to keep for another child. You don't know the state you'd get them back in, if you got them back at all. (Although I can appreciate this will depend on how SIL takes care of things and if you'd trust her. I wouldn't trust mine as she trashes everything so this could be clouding my view.)

Very silly of your MIL to promise a load of your stuff to your SIL but as she did it without asking you its not your problem. Just don't offer if you don't want to. If she asks outright just say "we're keeping hold of the clothes for now" maybe give her some stuff you're not bothered about or anything you were gifted that you didn't like if you wanted to give her something.

PuttingDownRoots · 21/02/2023 12:11

Both of mine were in the clothes a lot longer than the labels... 0-1 month until 8 weeks, the 0-3months until 4.5 months... so there could well be no overlap.

Original poster

Antsinmypants23 · 21/02/2023 12:17

Thanks for responses. MIL is very overbearing. She probably thought she was doing something nice but she’s put me in an awkward position by doing so. Sister in law said she’s happy she doesn’t need to buy any clothes herself now, which I found very cheeky. As some of you said the clothes may not fit or still be in use so I’m considering using that as the reason. May buy her some cheapies I can pass off as the hand me downs 😆

OP posts:

Scandimama · 21/02/2023 12:21

as a compromise, can you maybe just be a bit evasive and say something like sure I’ll be happy to pass on some stuff to you, and then you just pass on some of your things and hang on to other stuff? Usually you end up with too much of the 0-1 year stuff anyway, and as others say, that’s the only things you’d be able to pass on with such a close age gap. Also, buying 1 year things become very gendered, so you may anyway end up having held on to a load of clothes for the opposite gender, as there’s a 50/50 chance you’ll have a second baby of an opposite gender.

prescribingmum · 21/02/2023 12:23

As others have said, the age gap is too close to be able to share much. If you have a small baby and hers is big then unlikely you will be able to share anything at all. Otherwise, you may get away with first 6 months but then they will overlap.

Personally, I would smile and not say anything for now...when it comes to the time, just say DC is still wearing the smaller clothes and don't pass anything on.

spidereggs · 21/02/2023 12:27

Agree with others, they are to close in age. What happens with one to two?

Dd is four, still wearing some 3 to 4. Dd that is two, she's wearing the same size in some stuff. So I have like 2-3, 3-4 and 4-5 all on the go.

KindlyKanga · 21/02/2023 12:30

Say no you want to keep them but will pass on anything you don't want back.

KindlyKanga · 21/02/2023 12:30

Be prepared for MIL to not buy you anything

Eastereggsboxedupready · 21/02/2023 12:32

Sorry sil I won't be passing on any of dc's stuff as we are hoping for another dc in the near future. Then don't get into any debate about it.

Coffeecoffeeinmytummy · 21/02/2023 12:33

Oh come on OP don’t be a door mat! Why should you have to buy clothes specifically to pass onto your SIL?! It’s ridiculous.

Send her a message:
Hi SIL hope you’re well. Have been going through what I need to buy for baby and unfortunately I don’t think I’ll be in a position to pass much on to you. We have decided we’d like to hang on to most of the clothes in preparation hopefully for another baby. Also realised that our DC may well be in the same sizes at the same times depending on how big they both are. I have seen some lovely bundles on Facebook and Vinted if you’re looking to save money xx

drpet49 · 21/02/2023 12:35

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/02/2023 11:58

If you want another child then you don't pass down baby clothes, you store them for your next.
You only pass down once you are completely done.
I dont know anyone who thinks differently.

This

Original poster

Antsinmypants23 · 21/02/2023 12:44

Thanks again, I’m a bit of a push over so I find it hard to say no and avoid fall outs. I generally only buy neutral colours for the first year anyway so that may put her off. I’ll have to broach the subject when I see her or hide behind my husband when I tell him what’s been said lol. I know I will receive gifted outfits from family that will become sentimental so I wouldn’t hand over every item even if I agreed to this plan. Some outfits I ordered are quite expensive so I’d like my maximum use of them!

OP posts:

StarsSand · 21/02/2023 12:51

If just give her the ones you don't care about. You'll inevitably receive gifts that aren't to your taste etc, just put them aside for her. If she asks about a specific outfit say it's already promised to a friend.

I don't think you need to announce your family plans to everyone in order to keel your own clothes.

SIL will likely be inundated with baby clothes anyway.

Shouldbesleeping8 · 21/02/2023 12:57

It's up to you but I would lend the clothes. Just explain you'd like them back. You'll probably find she'll lend you more of hers. You sounds a bit tight. Apparently there is enough clothes in circulation at the moment to clothe the next 8 generation of people.

LoveBluey · 21/02/2023 12:58

With only 3 months gap I think it wouldn't be practical even if you wanted to. The only things you could definitely pass on would be newborn. I had small babies and they stayed in the 0-3 for at least 4.5 months. She'll just have to buy her own and if you find yourself with a glut of vests and baby grows you don't want then chuck a few her way but you shouldn't have to fund all of her baby's clothes.

You could suggest making a list and each buying half with you taking them first and then passing on to her. I'm sure she'd soon change her tune!

LoveBluey · 21/02/2023 12:59

To add to that I'm all for passing on baby things but like you I kept everything from baby 1 for baby 2. Now I know I don't want any more I'm giving away baby clothes and toys to anyone who will take it off my hands

Original poster

Antsinmypants23 · 21/02/2023 13:11

That’s a fantastic idea Lovebluey I will try that, thanks

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