MUM GUILT- kind words needed.

[toastedscone]

I am sitting riddled without anxiety that I'm doing something wrong?

A whopping case of comparison and mum guilt!

My DD1 is 5.5 months old. I bf for the first 4 months and then switched to formula for a few reasons including back to work & also she wasn't getting full, it seemed by just breast.

Tonight my baby went into her own room because she is becoming more aware and I wanted to do it before she's too aware and becomes anxious/ upset about it.

Now I'm reading online about people breastfeeding/ bedsharing until 2 years of age.

Have I wasted precious bonding time?!

I am so sad that the newborn days are over and suddenly feeling like maybe I should have hung on to those precious times for longer. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I'm looking for words of support. Reminders to make me feel better.

Any words much appreciated 💗💗

I wouldn't put a 5.5 month old in her own room. But no judgement on the breastfeeding, you're doing what you think is best.

I couldn't wait to stop breastfeeding. I did it for a year, but definitely the last 3 months I just didn't want to do it. You gave your baby a wonderful start, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with using formula. Well done for doing it for all those months!!!

I yeeted my son into his own room the INSTANT he turned 6 months. Sooooo happy to have my room back. They don't care where they sleep at this age - 9 months is a bit more of a challenge I hear. Honestly I don't understand how people bedshare for so long. There's nothing "wrong" with it, but definitely not for me.

Anyway, my son is almost 19 mo and he's the cuddliest, most affectionate little boy. We have an amazing bond even though we don't do the "baby" things anymore.

As long as you continue to love her and care for her, she will be fine.

That's amazing that you breast for for 4 months. She would have an all that nutrition at the most crucial time of her life. I couldn't breast feed because of my children's tongue tied making it so painful. So I am envious that you did that.

Nothing can take away from the bonding that you have already had with your daughter.

I put mine in their own bed for my sake and theirs at around 6 to 9 months. If you sleep well then everything in life feels better!

Thankyou so so much for this. Hearing that you still have an amazing bond is wonderful. I have booked out my whole week, this week, to spend time just cuddling and playing with her xx

You just do what works for you and do yourself a favour, stop comparing - everyone is just muddling through and doing what they do to get by.

I know people who have co-slept and they now have terrible issues trying to get their toddlers to sleep in their own room etc.

There's never a right or wrong way. Feeding and sleeping together isn't the only way you'll be bonding.

Thankyou so much. This means everything xxxxxxx

You're right. I will stop comparing and yeah that's so true- so many ways to bond beyond just feeding and sleeping 💗

I put my son into his own room at 6 months. People do things differently. If you're little one is happy and sleeps well like that then it's fine. As long as you have a monitor I wouldn't worry

Thankyou yes I have a monitor. I splashed out on a really high tech one so I feel super secure that I can hear every little squeak x

Also my son is 4 now and I didn't co sleep or breastfeed. I didn't even feel like I had a bond with him for the first 6 months or so.
Yet he is the most loving and affectionate boy and we have such a lovely, close bond now! I'd rather co sleep with him now than as a baby

Mum guilt never stops if you let it take over. I've batted it away today as I couldn't watch my adult DD sporting final (which her and her team won)

I tell myself I'm doing what I think is best, or the best that I can, guilt doesn't change anything it just weighs you down. Also comparison is the thief of joy, something I learnt on here and very true.

This is so true. I need to make sure I don't let the mum guilt get a hold of me. We are all just doing the best we can x

OP I have just as good a bond with my DC who I formula fed and didn’t co-sleep with, as those who did the opposite to me. What works for one mum and baby doesn’t work for the next, so you just do what you think is right for your situation and to hell with everyone else.

Awwww so happy u have a beautoful bond now xxx

My 5 month old has been in her own room for 3 weeks now. Everyone sleeps better. There will be people telling you it's not safe but the stats show it's more dangerous to drive a car with the baby in the back apparently. Each to their own.

Yes I agree. I wanted to do it now to avoid having to put her through the anxiety of a big transition when she's older and more aware x

Bedsharing is horrible. Awful. I don't know how anyone can do it for long or by choice. It's hideous. I have resorted to it in times of desperation and when my DD was very ill last month but as soon as I could get her back in cot I did. I am still in a room with my 13 month old and I do breastfeed but neither is by choice. Husband has been waiting for nasal surgery and is a crazy snorer so I have had to share room with DD and she was also a bottle refuser and I desperately wanted her to take a bottle from 3 months old.

Like PP I couldn't wait to get my little one into own room, I personally could not have coped with bed sharing at all, ever! DC is 5 now and we are closer than ever. And if you've breastfed for 4 months that is absolutely incredible. Your wellbeing is crucial for your ability to bond with your little one, and for her wellbeing! You are doing a great job and following your instincts.

Op only 12% of babies are bf at 4m (so go you!!!) and only 1% by 6m according to data out this week, so you’re by and large in the Marjoriity so do not feel guilty re bf if you had you’re reasons to stop that’s absolutely ok (and I say that as a huge bf fan and advocate who fed to 18m.

lullaby trust guidance is 6m to sleep in same room as little one, but some do move baby before then for the sake of everyone’s sleep and wellbeing. Co sleeping isn’t for everyone and certainly wasn’t for me!

Oh my goodness that sounds incredible to me! I have 3 dcs - now 15, 13 and 8. All 3 were sleepless wonders. Struggled to get them in their own rooms. A well rested baby and well rested parents are the holy grail in my book. You’ll all wake up happy ready for wide awake bonding time.
I miss every stage of parenting, but every new stage is just as good, if not better than the last.
As pp said, there’s always something to feel mum guilt about if you let yourself. Try instead to just enjoy it all, doing it your own way. It’s so true when it’s said ‘you’ll know your baby best’ and you do. You know she’s ready for her own room. Enjoy evenings with your dp and being able to go to bed and maybe read, or not worry about having a lamp on, or a single strand of hair moving and waking your baby up (looking at you dc1 😭😭🤣).

I didn't breast feed and DS was in his room by 5 months.
He's now 8 and we are so close. Very affectionate and we chat for hours.

I'm sure you're doing a fabulous job.

Guilt is how babies stay alive. They keep us feeling we should be doing more, even if we do everything. A baby will never show gratitude, only satisfaction, briefly.Their instincts are to keep us focused on them and their needs, just in case we forget them for a microsecond 😊

I'm sorry you weren't able to breastfeed for as long as you wanted, but that's the past now and there is a lifetime ahead of nurturing and supporting your little person. The way she grows and learns will be shaped by your love and time with her.

Babies grow so fast, although at the time, we think that the way things are now is how they'll always be. Not so. Before long it will be wellies and running around and learning to read and making friends... all of those important things in her life will be shared by you.

Don't forget to enjoy them while they last.

Don't look back and regret things that could have been better; there's a whole lot of other things your baby needs your energy, mind and body for!

Both these things are totally fine! I have never and will never either BF or co-sleep and I have a great bond with my kids and husband. Good work-home balance and zero guilt. You’re doing fine!

It’s great your breastfed her for four months, don’t dwell on it now just be proud of giving her a good start and move on.
I would have hated having my babies in a separate room from me at that age, we coslept and I loved it so much. They sleep great in there own beds now. I don’t understand all the fear around getting them independent quickly otherwise you never well. Just do what feels right to you.

Honestly never breast fed my little one. It didn't come through unfortunately and never coslept. Don't beliege in cosleeping. It's so dangerous and you don't get alone time yourself or with your partner which isn't good for mental health imo. My daughter is the most happy, content toddler and an absolute joy to be with and around prob partly cos she sleeps well.

Youve gotta do what's right for you and baby. Also whilst advice is 6 months its a gradual reduction in risks not a cliff edge. The difference between the risks at 5.5 and 6 months is minimal. If you breast fed it reduces the risk as well. Obv still a slightly higher risk but it's a perfectly fine choice to make