to those that have no routine, may i ask why?

[beachlover]

just wondered why you would have no routine?

is it because you don't want your life ruled by the clock?

I do also wonder at the people that say "my kids won't go to bed". Mine did, 'cos I put them there, No ifs or buts, they went. It's time for adults, to do sit down (not) or to do their housework/paperwork/god forbid talk to each other. Kids are supposed to work around us, not we work around them. IMHO kids need a routine otherwose they take the piss and we are just childminders, not parents with lives and thoughts outside of being Mummy and Daddy(or whoever we're with).

I have a routine with my DCs. But it emerged from them and what they needed in terms of day time sleep. That's what worked for me and we're v. happy with it.

I found that enforcing a routine leads to stress and upsetment so I stopped trying.

The only structure we have is a 6pm bedtime and the usual breakfast, lunch and supper times.

I think we never got into the whole routine thing because I like to go with the flow and do things as and when needed. I don't wear a watch rarely know what the time is. Also just found my dd self regulates pretty well. Not sure what I would be like in a different situation or with a different child.

Life is so variable from day to day and week to week, it would be hard to implement in my situation a routine and not miss out on a lot as a family.

I really enjoyed not having a routine, especially when DS was under 6 months. I did take a little time to relax into this, but then I realised that I could just feed him when he was hungry and jiggle him in a sling/his buggy to get him to sleep. Talk about lightbulb moment

It meant that I could go out and about in the day and not worry about feed/nap times.

Now DS is 18 months he has settled himself into more of a 'routine' of run about like a mad thing in the morning and then sleep after lunch. He also has pretty regular mealtimes as like his mother he gets evil when hungry.

I didn't grow up in a routine, didn't occur to me to introduce one...

We have got steadily more routine-y as they get older. They are 6 and 12 now, and what with clubs and home work and things we wouldn't have any non-routine time if we didn't strictly routine all the things we actually have to do. Does that make sense? For example, we call Thursdays Flop Night. No clubs or invitations out or anybody over (unless it's something unmissably good).No homework unless it absolutely has to be in on Friday and couldn't have been done on Wednesday. Baths and hair wash as soon as they get home. Pyjamas on. And Flop. Telly if they want, or making or anything they want to do. Nigella's chicken nuggets, mash and peas and a pudding chosen by ds while he waits with me for dd's bus. Then a family game or a bit of tv all together. Then earlyish bed. Flop Night is inviolable! We even store up stuff to talk about "Let's discuss that on Flop Night"

what a great idea seeker about flop night, i like it

Tonight we're going to break the routine (!) and have a pink dinner (pasta with smoked salmon and a touch of food colouring in the water) followed by raspberry fool. Pink lemonade for dcs and a bottle of pink champagne for dp and me. Ds is going to be outraged (he's a very boy-y boy!)

This is what I always think of when I hear the word routine

Love the clip hunkermumker!!

Never had a routine imposed by anyone, or any book, but you get to know your kid and pre-guess what they will need next.

I can't stand anyone telling me what to do, or how to run my life, or how to raise my kid. So I would never let any book author or child 'guru' tell me how to raise my kids. Especially as they assume that all kids are exactly the same and have exactly the same needs at exactly the same time. THis idea is just nonsense to me.

I don't often do that but I want to pick up on one of the previous comments: "Kids are supposed to work around us, not we work around them. IMHO kids need a routine otherwose they take the piss and we are just childminders, not parents with lives and thoughts outside of being Mummy and Daddy(or whoever we're with)."

Comments like those just make me giggle. It's utter rubbish. We wanted children because we want to be a family, it's not a question of 'us' against 'them'. My kids don't take the piss, they are lovely, beautiful boys and are very happy. We all are. If they're not tired at 7, then they go to bed later. If they'r not hungry at 12:00, then they eat later. If they don't need a bath one night, they dont' have one. So because of that, they are supposed to take the piss? You make me laugh! DOn't be so stuck up and relax a bit. Your life won't fall apart because you stop looking at your watch!

This is a very funny thread . I am definately with Karen999.
I did the routine from said book loosely from 6wks with dd. Consequently I was one of the only parents at the toddler group without big bags under my eyes, when they still had when their children got to 18mths and more . Yes, I agree that it can restrict you during the day having to get back for nap time in the afternoon. My dd is 2.1 and will only sleep in her bed/cot or car during the day. We just left early in the morning for days out. I found it was definately worth it to have a baby going 7-7am from 12wks. She went 2230-7am at 8wks.
IME the children who didn't have proper sleep times and cat napped never got a decent length daytime sleep and get the depth of sleep they need to regenerate. All the non routine babies I know tend to cry more and be cranky, especially in the afternoons. (CM BTW)

I loved That Book. My two fell into the sleep routines as if it was written for them. Didn't take the book too seriously and only used what I needed, but as a guide it was great and seemed to suit us as a family and (more importantly) my children.

Tori, "consequently" - not necessarily.

As for "all the non-routine babies" you know - all the routine babies I know sobbed while their mums rocked and jiggled them to get to "feeding time". Mine just smiled and cooed a lot and fed when they were hungry.

What does my post prove? Nowt. Nor does yours.

Everyone seems very polarised between having a strict routine in the style of 'that book' and having no routine at all. I, and most of the mums I know in RL, have got a sort of a routine. My dc have both fallen into a routine, waking up at a similar time each day then getting tired at a similar time and getting hungry at a similar time. haven't found that this restricts what we do ie they will sleep at some point in the pushchair or car if they are tired enough.

I am vaguely aiming to do things at a particular time eg give them tea at 5.30, but them to bed at 7.30 but it's not a big deal if it slips. I really thought that most people were like this, apart from the odd first time mother trying to do everything by the book.

Tori, I can't imagine a life so restricted that you had to be at home at a certain time for a nap. My dd (17 months) has an afternoon nap everyday, she will be tired anytime from 12-2pm I just take my cues from her. She will sleep wherever we are - I have simply taught her to nap in her pushchair. Concequently I have a happy girl who can have her nap when she is tired & I can do whatever I want/need to without having to tie myself to the house for 2 hours a day.

When I had dd I started a loose bedtime routine for her from day 1-bath, feed, sleep. I didn't fuss about her going to bed on her own or at a certain time though. In fact I started off just putting her to bed when I wanted to go but within a few weeks she had pushed it earlier and earlier until it was roughly 7pm. Have never stressed about it though, and it doesn't matter to either of us if she doesn't have a bath or if we do things in a different order etc. Have also always been able to take her to restaurants in the evenings without fear of her screaming through dinner because she isn't at home in a dark room! Day was always feed on demand and sleep when she was tired but by 2 or 3 months there was a pattern emerging.

Have done the same for ds but he hasn't yet found any routine of his own, nor does he go happily off to bed after his bath and feed. Maybe he will, maybe he won't but I'm not going to impose a routine on him (other than the pattern of bath feed hopefully sleep!).
I don't have a strict routine because I can't be bothered and when I tried to implement easy for ds it stressed me out so I gave up! I don't eat or sleep at set times each day so why should he?

At a bbq a friend told me I should follow GF with ds because they were shocked dd didn't have a set dinner time (she kind of does but it is between 4.30 and 7.30-whenever she gets hungry)and they saw it as a huge problem. That night dd went happily off to bed without having had a bath etc and slept until 8am while their dd (same age) screamed until 11pm and then woke at 5.30 am because they weren't at home with their blackout blinds. I did have to laugh, not because I am against routines in general, but because they had been so adamant that their way was the only way!

Basically I think routines work if you are a routiney type of person and not if you aren't! It also depends on the baby-what works for one wont always for another

in no particular order

sometimes i am organised sometimes i am not...a strict routine would actually be beyond me.

i do not crave/thrive on order...or function best like that

i have a macro routine...of sorts..eg we get up,eat,go out,do stuff, eat again,do a bit more stuff,eat then go to bed...all generally between 7am and 7ish pm.

im not convinced that a strict routine would improve on this

it works for me

as an extra irrelaevnt ditty

both my children def prefer (ie fall asleep more quickly) COMPLETE darkness to fall asleep (so does dp)...so i do attempt to make soem allowances for this

I think it depends on the child. One of my twin girls has always been very easy going, flexible, fit in with anything kind of baby/child. Her sister craved routine and still does (at nearly 7). She is much happier when she knows what is going to happen and when. It throws her completely if things change without warning. Shame really, as I would like to be a bit more spontaneous.

hunker I am not trying to prove anything. I did follow that book, but as others have said I also did not do everything to the letter except the initial few weeks. My dd never needed to scream and cry to get her needs understood because she came to realise that things happened at certain times and therefore rarely cries (now 2.1) She also does not need blackout blinds and sleeps well when we go visiting, again because she is in a routine she is happy if her eating and sleeping are about the same time when we go away. I also have no tears or tantrums when she stays up late at family functions etc, so it is not that restrictive.
PS I am certainly not a bored SAHM and go out most mornings somewhere with 2 toddlers who I mind and dd. Would be interested to know how 3 toddlers would sleep in a double pushchair It is more practical to bring them home to sleep and it is a better quality than in the pushchair.

Because on days that we are not working (when every movement is a military excersise), no routine IS our routine iyswim.

We just go with the flow. If we are hungry we eat, tired we nap, might go out to park and stay longer than we meant to...

Personally I think life is too short to be ruled by routines.

Routine saved my sanity - no joke!! I dont see the problem with it if thats what you like. I like the fact that I know whats what. I too followed the 'said book'....quite loosely, but really just followed the sleep/feed patterns. To me it made a lot of sense and like Tori I have no bags under my eyes either.

Also, it meant that because dd2 went to bed at 6.30pm then I had time for dd1 and my partner. And tbh dd2 really benefits from 12 hours sleep. We all need a good nights sleep.....

I agree....life is too short to follow routines and I have no problem with people who dont. Each to their own. And my routine is actually quite flexible now that dd2 is slightly older. But the good thing is, is that even if we are out and about she still seems to stick to the same sleep/feed times, which is not a problem.

We had a very regimented routine with dd1. Although it was fantastic at the time, i can say with hindsight that it was the worse thing that i could have done! My dd1 copes soooooo badly with change of any sort, she has to know exactly what is coming next in her day (and the following day usually) and has only recently (she is now 8) allowed herself to 'go with the flow' but she is still unhappy with it.

Now, of course it could be her personality type that dictates this, but i'm more inclined to believe that it was because there were no deviations to her 'schedule' when she was little ...

With dd2 there were no routines imposed whatsoever. She did fall into her own routines, for example, bedtime at the same time each night and obviously having to get big sister to playgroup etc. but other than that, she got fed when the rest of us ate, she napped when she was tired, she played when she was awake. She is a much much more carefree little girl, who adapts easily to change. She is a sensitive soul just like her sister, but somehow seems more able to cope. Again, this is possibly just her personality (guess we'll never know) but i do believe that she is more able to adapt because she hasn't lived by strict 'rules'.

Dd3 is 7 months old and again, we have imposed no routine. She has fell into her own nighttime routine and tends to go bed about an hour before her sisters but i don't look at the clock for her bedtime - i watch her!
She eats when we eat and naps when she's tired (which is not very often as it goes ...). As for how well she copes with change and such like, we'll just have to wait and see ...

What is certain is that lack of routine is much much easier for us