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Parenting

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Original poster

to those that have no routine, may i ask why?

75 replies

beachlover · 08/02/2008 18:43

just wondered why you would have no routine?

is it because you don't want your life ruled by the clock?

OP posts:

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JingleyJen · 08/02/2008 20:40

we didn't enforce a routine on the boys but they did quite early on have patterns of behaviour.
We went with them and out of that we then I suppose have a routine.
Get up and breakfast in the house always work the same way
What we do in the mornings varies - no routine.
Lunchtimes after Pre-school is more haphazard
Afternoons are not structured
Teatime is usually at the same time each day
Bath time starts at 6.30pm (ish) and depending how much fun the boys are having in the bath they are usually in bed by 7-715pm

I have a tight routine for me because I want to have relaxed time with the boys and in order to do that I get my stuff done before Dh leaves for work in the morning.

Habbibu · 08/02/2008 20:44

I have a theory that the routine is good for the baby if (and possibly only if) it's important to the mother. Karen has said before that she's always been organised and routine-driven - I should imagine the chaos of a new baby must be doubly distressing if it goes against your personality. I'm completely disorganised and chaotic so had no routine at all, and was more than happy with that, but all of a sudden found myself doing similar things at roughly similar times of the day and realised that dd had worked out a (very loose and flexible) routine all by herself.

Desiderata · 08/02/2008 20:58

That's a very good point, Habb. If not having a routine is going to drive you scatty, then it's a no-brainer

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discoverlife · 08/02/2008 21:05

No routine, SAHM, carer to DH, and HE youngest. Flexibility is nessesary in our life. Routines would just get messed around too much.

PuppyMonkey · 08/02/2008 21:06

Habbibu, that's it exactly... I felt my life was falling apart without a little routine. I'm not saying that we never go out or can't go on hols cos of a routine. I can chill out sometimes. It just helped me keep my sanity in those early months when life is just so... mad! At least I knew that 7pm would be bedtime and even if she only slept for an hour, it was something to hold onto...

onepieceoflollipop · 08/02/2008 21:11

I am quite an organised person too and was very happy when dd1 now 4 years seemed to like a bit of routine. dd2 is 6 months old and shows no sign of wanting much of a routine...but I try and just go along with her. Actually it's nice that she doesn't want to sleep for hours in the day as it means we are more flexible and sociable. And most importantly she is happy with not much routine, just as dd1 was happier the other way.

As Lulu said earlier, a 2nd child will have some structure if you do a school run etc. dd2 has got in the habit of always going to sleep on the way home from preschool.

Original poster

beachlover · 09/02/2008 09:37

are routine mainly aimed at getting children to sleep through the night?

or are they about eatting and nap times too?
what else ar routines supposed to cover?

im getting a bit fed up of being told to have a routine, when dd does all thoses things easily by herself just not at set times

OP posts:

NumberSix · 09/02/2008 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabiesEverywhere · 09/02/2008 09:56

I think it is better to feed/nurse my daughter when she is hungry, play with her when she is awake and put her down to sleep when she is tired.

Forcing her to do something because the clock says something, just seems very odd to me, it must take ages to feed a child which isn't hungry or to settle a child for a nap if she isn't tired.

But each to their own.

OracleInaCoracle · 09/02/2008 10:10

ds kind of got himself into a routine. i started off being ruled by the clock, but i dont have that type of self-control and tbh im glad. he doesnt really have a set bedtime, but he tells me he's tired and grabs a blanket, and is in bed by 8 most nights, same with food. we go with the flow because thats what works for us. SIL loves routine and order and as a result so do her kids, thats what works for her!

Oblomov · 09/02/2008 10:24

Don't most people end up in some sort of routine ?
I mean I am very pro routine, ds put himself in one within days, and I swear you could set your clock by him. But it didn't stop us doing anything, you know if one of the post-natal mums phoned up and said fancy meeting in the park in half an hour, we went.
It does make me really, really sad when people get so hung up on it, and you all know what book I mean, that they get upset when they can't make their baby fit.
But then lots of people, not just mums, are so ... dappy aren't they ? Always late, forget little johnnys pe kit, forgot it was mufti day- see thread yesterday.
And it is a bit of a mystery how these people muddle through, but they do, don't they ?
My boss at work, I can barely get to his desk, for piles of paper. There is nothing on mine. My house looks spanking one day a week, for the other 6 it gets messier and messier and then I have a 1.5 hour blitz and it is all nice agian.
I think routine is similar to this. You either are or you aren't. And it is in your nature. Your personality.
We all get far too hung up, on asking people, which camp do you fall into.

annoyingdevil · 09/02/2008 12:10

I'm a 'go with the flow' type, but I do believe in sleep routines - even for very young babies. Adults sleep better if they stick to a routine (I cured my insomnia that way) so why not children?

hercules1 · 09/02/2008 12:11

Never been arsed to tbh and hate living a rigid life. That said, I'm sure the kids would have benefited from having routines than not.

chocfest · 09/02/2008 12:13

same as you on that one hercules! Far too much agg involved in a routine!

Oblomov · 09/02/2008 12:25

chocfest, you say that, but do your children not go to bed at roughly the same time, most nights ?
I mean, thus, they are infact in a routine, no ?

chocfest · 09/02/2008 12:29

no afraid not, just posted on the other thread about what time 8 year olds go to bed and have to say, they go when they are tired, its such a performance as there is always an excuse to come back out, so I gave up years ago!

Oblomov · 09/02/2008 12:50

oh o.k.
Ds(4) has started taking himself to bed. I hear the ... emmerdale music in the background( so about 7.30) and I say to dh, my god where's ds ???
And I run around and then I see him curled up in his bed !!!!!!
Totally sparko !

FriedGreenTomatoes · 09/02/2008 13:08

Routines just seem DULL to me. I'd hate to know what I was going to be doing on an hourly basis. Where's the fun and spontaneity in that?

NatalieJane · 09/02/2008 13:15

We don't have a routine (other than the usual school at 8.55, pick up at 3, bed at 7.45) purely because I am too lazy, and DH works very varied hours it would never work.

The kids are happy, they sleep through the night, they have their meals on the table, so who cares if they aren't ruled by the clock?

Having said all of that I know a few people who wouldn't cope without a strict routine, and if it works them, that's great!

Each to their own I say.

NatalieJane · 09/02/2008 13:18

...and if it works for them..... I should really be awake by now, I don't think it's helping that we are all still sat round in PJ's and dressing gowns.... there, that's my routine

babyinarms · 09/02/2008 14:28

I was obsessed with having DS in a routine for first 6 weeks of his life, poor fella...if he didnt do what was expected at a certain time i would get very stressed!!
At 6 weeks DH told me throw away the books, follow the childs cues, DH reminded me he was not a robot....very wise man. I went with the flow and before long he found his own routine, which happened to be alittle different each day but worked for us both.
DD is 5 months now and i just followed her cues from day one, i feed her when she is hungry, play with her when she is awake and leave her sleep when she is tired, it is definately working and she is such a happy little thing...although she is not sleeping the night yet but we will get there too!
Strict routine works for a lot of people but if you are like me....borderline obsessive....then it is only too stressful and so not worth it!

MrsMattie · 09/02/2008 16:29

My son goes to bed around 7-8pm. That's the only routine we have. Anything esls would seem too hassly, like we were living some sort of 'Groundhog Day'.

NumberSix · 09/02/2008 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honey2theb · 09/02/2008 19:11

my god i have tried! but dd goes to bed when she like ( 5mnths) sometimes 12 midnight! arghhhhhh. but she does sleep in with me in the mornings ( V LATE ) which is most probably why she doesnt go to bed. lol

with feeding etc though we just go with the flow

stickyj · 09/02/2008 19:17

I think it depends on your life, if you have kids at school and can afford to stay at home all day, whatever. If you have one or more kids at school, then the babies' routines work round the others. IMHO

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