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Original poster

Need your experience / opinions re only children

64 replies

mcfee · 08/02/2008 13:36

I am nearly 36, I have a dd age 3. I am 99% sure I want to stop here and so have been passing the clothes / equipment on etc. But....do you think it is likely that last chance saloon will hit me in a few years and I'll be likely to decide I want another? Also will dd be OK as an only child?

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Hulababy · 10/02/2008 10:57

kittywise - IMO and IME that is utter rubbish. It is definitely NOT unfair on most only children to not have siblings.

There are many reasons why a child may be better off as an only.

Just like there are benefits of siblings.

Siblings can really dislike each other, both as hildrn and as adults. When that is the case there is hardly any benefit is there?! And when there are lots of siblings -w here is the individual attention from parents, one on one time, etc - how is that fair? Obviously there are other examples...but...

It is really silly to think that one type of fmily is better than another. There are so many factors involved, and what works for one family may not work for another.

Rther than feeling sorry for an only child or telling parents they are being unfair - why not just be thankful that your own family unit works well, and let others be thankful that there's works well too¬

Blu · 10/02/2008 11:02

Well, yes, I would think MANY things are possible if one parent can be at home full time AND have domestic help AND support a huge family.

It all depends.
poitess in extremis to make any generalisions or judgements.

Furball · 10/02/2008 11:02

mcfee - I have 1 ds who is now 6, dh and I only wanted 1 child - I have been called cruel to my face for that! All I know is.....It's your and Dh life, do what is right for you. Anyone who says, have another is fine but they are not the ones a) having the baby and b) looking after it it.

I have a brother who I see maybe once a year, we fought like cat and dog and still do to some extent. IMHO just because you have another does not mean you will all live together like the Waltons. Your dd will be fine on her own and she will be fine with a sibling - because you will make sure she is. There have been loads of threads like this over the years and no-one knows what is best only what is best for them

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Furball · 10/02/2008 11:04

great last post hula

juuule · 10/02/2008 11:07

I thought Hula's post was good, too. Apart from
"And when there are lots of siblings -w here is the individual attention from parents, one on one time, etc - how is that fair?"
which is as presumtive to me as someone making the "it's cruel to only have the one" statements.

Furball · 10/02/2008 11:17

did you make that statement juuule? it doesn't say in your post.

What I feel is cruel is other people saying this way is better, I've got 3 and it's fab etc etc. Well it might be fab for you, but for me that would be a nightmare. I never say to anyone 'well, of course now you've got x amount your poor children must feel a lack of time with you etc' It's mad, we are all different and want different things so what is right?

juuule · 10/02/2008 11:26

No I didn't say either of those statements. I was just pointing out that the first is a bad as the second imo.

kittywise · 10/02/2008 11:40

I read your arguments and I still stand by my thoughts that to make a conscious decision to have an only child is not fair on that child.

Furball · 10/02/2008 12:54

thats your views kitty - and personally I would prefer you not to aim them at the likes of me.

Alot of people only have one child because they can't have any more alot only have 1 because they only want 1. I couldn't give a suff how many you have, thats not my concern. As I said everyone is different. There is no fair/unfair.

clarahj · 10/02/2008 14:46

HI -
I haven't read the rest of the post yet - just thought i would butt in first .

I am afraid i can only give you the point of view of an only child as both dh and i are only children - I am afraid we both hate it - i would giv anything to have had a sibling as would dh, especially since his parents died, he feels very alone indeed.
I find as time passes i long for a sibling more and more - i still occasionally give my parents grief abput it now .
On the up side - when i was a child i felt that less - i had lots of attention, we took 2 or 3 holidays a year, i was able to go to a good private school - all the obvious advantages of being an only child - i also had lots of close family who lived very close and i was allowed friends to play often HOWEVER in the long term i feel as though i have a significant relationship missing in my life - i feel it often, especially at Christmas and other family times (sounds stupid i know).
Anyway as a consequence of this we have gone on to to have 4 children and will have 2 more , i could never have an only child.

Sorry if that is not at all what you want to hear

Hulababy · 10/02/2008 15:49

juuule - tis is not actually my real opinipons. I was just giving an example of potential negatives that could be seen from having several siblings in a family; kind of a counter balance.

I turely believe there is nor ight and wrong, and all fmily units can be as good as one another. You make what you have work.

Every family, bar those with multiple for first birth, start out with only childen - are we all being unfair to those first borns?

brimfull · 10/02/2008 15:59

my dd was an only child for her first 10 yrs.She is 16 now and says she loved it.

We had ds 5 yrs ago so essentially he'll be brought up as an onlie whne dd leaves home.

I don't have a problem with that ,but I am glad they'll have each other when I am old and dribbling from both ends

blueshoes · 10/02/2008 21:01

An advantage of an only child is that if the parents are going to pass anything on, he/she stands to inherit the whole lot. Not guaranteed of course, but when it does happen, and I have seen it happen, it really gives a financial leg up, particularly in terms of today's inflated property prices.

Otherwise, I agree it very much depends on the individual child, their stage of life, their personality and how they gel with any siblings, whether having siblings is seen as an advantage at all. As parents, if we strongly favour one position or another re: only children, we should have the insight and humility to recognise that we are essentially projecting what WE THINK our child(ren) want onto them.

honoria-er-glossop, in answer to one of your earlier posts, just a slip of my fingers. But you can keep the name

HonoriaGlossop · 11/02/2008 11:55

thank you blueshoes I think it suits me for some reason

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