Am I wasting my maternity leave?

[ecossegirl91]

Had my first baby in oct 22 and they are now 4 months. Challenging baby who is unsettled /grumpy and a loud crier!

due to this (plus winter and not having “mum friends” available during the week) I spend a lot of time in the house. I do go on a walk every day for my own sanity plus baby gives good pram naps! And I meet my folks once a week for lunch. But haven’t done classes as as little one cries too much Altho in saying that I’ve said up for a little taster course of baby sensory shortly.

question I suppose is if I’ve wasted my leave so far? Four months already gone but I feel like other mums are out and about all the time but I feel it’s not been possible due to baby… just anxious about wasting precious time off I guess! Feels like it’s going to fast ( and slow)

I guess I just feel other mums are doing much more with their content babies…

No I don't think you are. 4 month olds don't really know if they're at a baby group or at home. I did go out with my baby for my own sanity but really struggled too at first as she was unsettled and feeding all the time. She's 6 months now and she is definitely more interested in groups etc so we've started to go to some new ones lately. I think when they're young groups etc are actually just for the parents benefit (speaking to other parents and getting out the house).

I didn’t start going to groups and stuff until mine was about 4 months. I know a lot of mums who do an activity morning and afternoon everyday. I have to schedule at least two full days at home a week otherwise baby and I would both go crazy! I love just having that one on one with her. Don’t pressure yourself or worry what others are doing. Do whatever you and baby want.

If you’ve been spending time bonding with your new baby then you’ve not wasted it at all, it’s not about the things you do and going out. Those are really for your sanity! All that is going to have an impact on your baby is that you were there with then whatever you’re doing.

I would rather sit on a cactus than go to 'baby groups'. They're usually full of boring, cliquey women with nothing interesting to say.
You're doing fine.

Similar age LO and I think the opposite, I rushed to soon to groups. Felt the pressure to make sure they were developing, but in reality DC peed on us both one time at sensory, so I spent it in the loo and then slept or fed through the majority of baby massage. If I could do it again I wouldn't bother with anything baby centric until at least 4 months. Would have just stuck to coffees and walks with friends and family.

Do you have any children's centres nearby, they often have socials. It is nice to be able to socialise with other mums

Babies don't need to interact with other babies at this age.

I always thought that baby groups were more for the parent tbh.

I am not a social person and did the same with my babies. We spend a lot of time together, I found meeting up with others too often, just too much.

You have not wasted your leave, no. But I am sorry to hear baby cries a lot. Is that the only reason for you not wanting to go?

That must be exhausting! (and expensive)

I wonder why the need to be doing so many activities?

Op Baby groups aren't for babies, they are for Mums.
Try different groups, some are more cliquey than others but generally I found most groups mums were all there for the same reason to met other mums and get out the house.

Sometimes you'll met mums who become acquaintances other times you'll met mums who become really really good friends.
But it's lovely when your babies are growing up to have some other mums with similar aged children to meet at softplay or go to the park with.

Time really flys when you have a baby it's the fastest year of your life.

The getting out there etc is for the mums benefit not the childs. It really doesnt matter if you dont want to, however if you are anxious about your baby crying and that's stopping you dont be. I've been in classes where my baby cried, slept throughout, a toddler class where they kept trying to run out. No one cares.

Chill out!! You're bonding with your baby. Make the most of having no other obligations 😊

Had 6 months off with a baby, not a single baby class attended. Best time of my life, I have the fondest memories of no schedule, no meetings, complete freedom, deciding on the day what to do.. Absolute bliss. Just enjoy your maternity leave

You're doing a great job, all baby needs is you. Those groups are more for you at that age if you'd like the company then go for it, I promise your LO won't be the only unsettled baby there.
When my LO hit 4 months I started to feel I'd only just got my act together to get out the house and then we went into the first lockdown doh lol.

Definitely not wasted, it is time for you to spend with baby, however you choose to. It's not the same for everyone.

My first baby was a lockdown baby, all we did was stay in the house and go for a walk a day, classes were brought back when she was about 6 months old and we started going to them but I didn't actually enjoy the classes and preferred our time in the house!

I think as long as you're happy then it's fine. I do 1 class a week and my baby is 4.5 months old, but this is purely to make me get out the house. I enjoy getting a coffee and going for a walk. Potter in the garden with baby in the sling or bouncer.
I think just do what you want, baby doesn't know either way!
You might find towards the end of your leave when baby naps less you might want to do something purely to keep baby entertained for a bit.

Can I join you on your cactus please? 🤣

Definitely agree! 👍

OP I'm feeling the same. I'd really love to meet some other mums but it's been too hard so far to work around baby's naps/my energy levels/illness etc. This is my second mat leave but first was in lockdown so we spent ALL our time at home for that one! I really was looking forward to this one being different, but also not putting pressure on myself. If it stresses me out, it's not worth it. Do you have a library near you? Ours does free baby Rhyme time sessions which I'm hoping to make it along to. If baby is unsettled then as I haven't paid for it, I imagine it'll be easier to duck out without feeling bad about it!

You sure can 🤣🤣🤣 we can form a ‘group that isn’t a group’ where we actually talk about interesting things and include everyone.

I think if you're mentally and physically well enough (you and baby) to be asking this, then you're both making excellent use of your maternity leave!

My first had cmpa and reflux and we didn't go anywhere until he was almost 3, he was so unwell for so long. My second, I was so relieved we had an easy time of it health wise, that I essentially spent that time chilling in bed with her (breastfeeding), watching tv, and going for the odd mooch through town while my first was at nursery. Absolutely no regrets, possibly my all time favourite few months of my life!

It's fine, 4 moths is a nice age to start going to sensory and music groups as they know what's going on a but more.
Don't let a crying baby put you off going to a baby group, no one cares if your baby cries, if you spend the whole time feeding or baby sleeps through it! You might find the colours and lights distract baby and it's good for your mental health to be around other people even if it's just a quick hello, You might even make some weekday mum friends!
You've presumably got 8/9 months left, just enjoy it and get out.

No you absolutely have not wasted your maternity leave.

I had a lot of people tell me what I was doing right and wrong on maternity leave - why wasn’t I spending every hour of every day cuddling my baby? Why wasn’t I taking him to museums and galleries? Why weren’t we travelling more? Why wasn’t I doing self improvement, maybe starting a small business or exploring my artistic side?

It made me feel like crap.

You’ve relatively recently made huge physical changes to your body, and the hormones and mental pressure that comes with that, as well as the tiredness and protectiveness and anxiety etc, is not to be underestimated. If you can go to groups now when you have time off work, brilliant. But you’re not doing your baby a disservice or anything if you don’t.

Also until they’re like 3 months old they’re basically potatoes - classes and groups are a bit wasted on such little ones.

I went to a baby group twice. Didn't enjoy it as I felt like I didn't fit in with the other mams

4 months is about the age that I started taking my little one out to groups as they are just starting to become more aware of everyone around them… definitely try and get out to some baby groups in your local area - you might find that being out with others distracts your baby and therefore reducing the crying/fussing.

Mine two are teenagers now and if I could do it again I would do less when they were little.

DD is 4 months. I go to one baby group a week. The rest of time we potter about at home. Occasionally I meet friends. I can't afford numerous groups and I can't be arsed. I want to enjoy my time with my baby before I go back to work.
We're doing baby massage next month so that will be 2 groups per week.

I hated baby groups with DC1, they were so cliquey and competitive and not worth it.