what do you of boarding schools?

[beachlover]

just ben watching phil jupitus talk on the wright stuff about boarding school, seemed like he didnt enjoy it too much

and wondered what your views are ?

I've only skimmed this but I agree with Greensleeves & MMJ. I was packed off at 9, my brother was 7 Why have kids if you want someone else to raise them?. I have so many horror stories but I have to go and collect DD1 for nursery so I won't get started .

Actually I think sometimes boarding school is a haven for children from dysfunctional home lives. There are some girls I remember for whom school was the only stability in their lives.
A good boarding school is not a bad thing for the right kind of child - far from it. Better to be at good loving boarding school than at home with an alcoholic or manically depressed parent for example.

I think people don't realise how much these schools vary and have changed since the old days of grimness and corporal punishment.

In terms of observing the law in their practices, of course those schools have changed. But in ethos and culture most of them haven't at all.

That's not to disrespect anyone who is ill or has addiction problems, I just mean anyone who is unwell enough to be unable to be a parent.

....and I WAS someone who used the school as a way of getting out of an intolerable home life. I organised the scholarship exam/interview dates myself myself at the age of 12 and said to my parents "I want to go here, the exam is next Saturday".

But the fact that my home life was intolerable enough to drive me to outsource my own upbringing doesn't in any way excuse the negativity and neglect inherent in the boarding school system. That's an odd argument.

I totally disagree Greensleeves. There are some very good boarding schools which suit a lot of people perfectly well. It seems bizarre to lump them all together and dismiss them. My boarding school was absolutely excellent. There are a lot of girls I knew who asked to go from being day girls to boarders. Some girls hated it. But you can't dismiss it out of hand, that's simply not possible that they are all as bad as you imply!

Some families work abroad where there are no appropriate schools and they have to choose whether to keep the parents together for the sake of the marriage or not. Obviously it must be agonising to send a young child away but a big child can sometimes suit it very well. Each case will be unique. Of course some kids are dumped at schools - very sad. Some schools are really poor I'm sure.

But not all of them!

I do think they vary, a bit. But my experience of them, and those of the people with whom I have shared mutual experiences, is overwhelmingly negative and brutal. Of course there is always an ultra-confident in-crowd (most of whom are swimming in money, have an inbuilt gaggle of similarly teflon-coated friends and go home most weekends) but I would contend that bullying, self-harm, eating disorders, alcoholism, sexual depravity and drug abuse are as much intrinsic features of boarding school as French, English and Maths. Yes, of course those things occur everywhere - but boarding school kids are generally a)more emotionally dysfunctional and likely to go in for extreme attention-seeking b)richer, and c)more poorly supervised and bored during weekends and leisure times.

And children need to be with people who love them. Matron just doesn't cut it. I find very often that the people who make the loudest protestations of having loved boarding school are the ones to whom the damage is most obvious.

Oh dear, one of those "all boarding schools are like this" "All state schools are like this" "All private schools are like this" threads. I know I should walk away and not respond, but I can't resist!

I know of some terrible boarding schools. I also know many boarding schools that are fantastic. Some children just don't get on with boarding at all. Equally, I know many children who initially start off as day puils, then pester and pester and pester

ooops .... then pester and pester and pester until they are allowed to board. Surely the school can't be doing too much wrong if that is the case?

My dad went to Rugby, said it was child abuse and he would never put his children through it (he didn't)

On the other hand, my dh went (his dad was in the forces so it gave him and his sister continuity) and he thrived. But it was a different sort of boarding school and also he was really good at sport which helped.

I wouldn't put my children in boarding school unless we were moving so much we had to - but just a personal thing.

I would like to correct the blind assumption that parents send their children to boarding school because they 'don't love them', sometimes there are personal reasons why children might be sent to boarding school.

For example I went initially because my mother wasn't well and my father worked long hours, later on when everything was better my sister asked to go to boarding school.

My family are extremely close and I never felt unloved by my parents - if anything we all get on because there wasn't a cloying insistence on doing everything as a family. That said I think it's a hard decision and one my mother personally regrets.

I didn't mind it and my sister (who was at a different school loved it). Then again I was expelled from two schools - one boarding, one day and asked to leave the only state school I attended so I probably shouldn't really comment on education systems.

"At the risk of being flamed, I think people that send their children to boarding school never really wanted them anyway."

That is a totally outrageous and unfounded remark and I for one will most certainly flame you. What utter tosh. My parent's most certainly did want me as did those of all my friends who I have stayed in contact with for the last 15+ years. We all went to boarding school for totally sensible reasons. Mine being that my father was posted all over the world for anywhere between 6 months to 3 years at a time.

I am really offended by your blanket (and highly insensitive) comment.

gs thanks for the link im certainly not interested in sending mine, was just interested in your views thats all

phil jupitus seemed really sad when he was talking about it and it got me thinking

i will look at that site though

I hope I'm never in a position where I need to send my kids to boarding school. That said, anyone who thinks parents who board their kids never wanted them deserves to be flamed to a crisp. What an ignorant thing to say.

I agree cocobear. I found that a very upsetting comment even though I know it not to be true. TBH from my experience often it is the parents who suffer the most. I know (only found out as an adult not during my time at boarding school) that my motherr found it terribly hard, but she was torn between being with us and being with my father. If she had been in England he would have been on his own and she would have been alone for most of the day whilst we were at school anyway.

In the end it boils down (as many have already said) to individual circumstances, child, parents and relationships. There is no wrong or right.

My siblings and I each went away when we were 7, 2 siblings hated it, I loved it at the time.

I was far more independent at a younger age than my friends from home, traveling across the country by train with my siblings and no adult supervision from the age of 10.

My parents loved us they were making decisions based on educational options and emotional stability rather that treking from place to place making new friends in new schools every 6-36 months.

Would I send my children to boarding school? No - I would choose to change my job so that we could stay in one place to support their education.

no offence intended - so sorry if some was caused. Out of about 14 people I personally know, I can honestly say only 1 of them will openly talk about enjoying it there. To most it was a hellish place, to be endured. I cannnot imagine why any parent would do it to a loved and wanted child, but am probably just digging myself in deeper - each to their own and all that. sorry for the upset.

I did spend a few months, scattered over 3 years, in a boarding school that was definitely not one of those horror places you hear about. In fact, it was as good as I think any boarding school can be. My reason for not sending my children there- if we had the money- would be that I think as a functional family we have something to offer that is even better. But if I was in a position where I couldn't educate my children nearer home, for the sort of reasons mentioned by other posters, then I don't think it would be at all a bad choice. (except we could never afford it). Second best, yes, but not a bad second best.

Hang on, those of you who are vehemently opposed are choosing to ignore all the posters here who have had positive experiences! I loved my boarding school - it was a warm, nurturing environment where I felt I could go on to do anything I wanted, from being an astronaut to raising kids and that whatever I chose was valuable. I did motorcycle maintenance, kept a hamster in the pet hut, snuck out for crafty fags in the 6th form and made some lifelong friends. It wasn't cruel or lonely or evil,and I know for a fact that although my parents sobbed at the start of every term once they had said goodbye to me, it was the best place for me. So try to remember, next time you're generalising wildly, that we're all different!

And cazboldy, it must be nice to be in a position of such ultimate wisdom that you can make such sweeping and scathing comments about other people's decisions. Personally, I try not to make wild and sweeping judgements about other people's choices

Ghastly, absolutely ghastly

Ignoring all the perverts (difficult at my old place) it was lonely and snobbish. Truly it was all about sex, drugs and rugby.

I did make lifelong friends but that meant in a way not fully engaging with undergraduate stuff because I was so wrapped up in old school friends.

"I cannnot imagine why any parent would do it to a loved and wanted child."

Then it is perhaps best that you don't comment. Long gone are the days of boarding purely for the fact that it is "the done thing" with one's children. Every single child I have ever know who boarded (and believe me with being a boarder, socialising with boarders from other local schools, living in an expat community, university etc. it amounts to a lot), wasn't dumped there by uncaring parents, but had perfectly good reasons for doing so.

satine - did I not say "each to their own"

Why are my thoughts or opinions any less valid than any of yours?

The op said "what do you think of boarding schools?"

everyone is entitled to their own thoughts, opinions and feelings. I have accepted all of yours, with no personal attacks, am I not entitled to the same?