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Parenting

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Original poster

Parent evenings with new baby - how?!

38 replies

k80pie · 09/02/2023 03:35

Hello, we have a 5 year old DS and a four month old DD, who is only recently starting to become a bit easier after an intense first three months. DS is starting school in a couple of weeks and there is parents evening on Monday night at 6pm.

To those parents with a 5 year gap, my question is - how do you juggle things like this when you have a little baby? Does it mean that only one parent can go to these things now, instead of both of us? Or do you take baby and child along? Or leave older child with grandparent til you get home? Just curious how other people do it!

Additionally - DD is ebf so does that mean that I have to sit these things out now, if I stay at home with baby and child while DH goes to the evening by himself? Would feel sad to miss all the new school things I would have loved going to as a new school mum!

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IreneJones · 09/02/2023 03:42

We only ever had one of us go to parents' evenings. However since covid they are all online so both of us can go now.

Topseyt123 · 09/02/2023 03:46

No family support here so I always took mine with me.

SnowyPetals · 09/02/2023 03:49

When you have more than one child you often have to adopt the "divide and conquer" strategy. Looks like as you're still breastfeeding at the moment, your DH will be the one going to this.

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MangshorJhol · 09/02/2023 03:51

One parent goes. Even EBF babies can be left for some time (I am breastfeeding my third now). Also I never took the baby to things like school concerts and plays (in the US so no nativity shows here). When the baby was in daycare that issue was resolved but till that point DH and I took turns to attend things. Parents evening is a 15 min slot where I am- so entirely feasible to leave a baby at home…

Eminybob · 09/02/2023 03:53

DS2 was only a few months old when DS1 started having parents evenings. I took him along in the sling it was fine.
It might have been a bit trickier as he's gotten older but then covid happened and parents evening started being done on zoom which obviously helped, but generally only one of us can attend stuff like that now, or occasionally ask for family help (like when DH and I both wanted to attend DS1s school play, we left DS2 with MIL)

Eminybob · 09/02/2023 03:57

Oh and to answer your second point, DS2 was ebf and had I needed to feed him during parents evening I would have no qualms about doing it there and then while chatting to teacher.
I think I fed him continously through DS1's first nativity and carol service, to keep him quiet more than anything!

manicthursday · 09/02/2023 04:00

One parent goes. Far more beneficial for you to have one parent their without the distraction who can then pass on relevant info to the other parent than both of you there half distracted. And potentially disrupting others if baby fusses. However if you are single or other parent/family is not available to help then of course you have to take them and just do your best.

I much preferred online video appointments because of this too, was great us both being able to attend. And they always ran to time!

MotherofaToad · 09/02/2023 05:55

I'm a teacher and I wouldn't bat an eyelid if you brought a baby with you into school for parents night and would offer you support and somewhere comfortable if you needed to breastfeed. We have families at assemblies and there are regularly babies there and some get fed. Schools are places for children so everyone in the school will be used to seeing children of all ages 😀

RebeccaCloud9 · 09/02/2023 06:08

Babies that age are so portable! I have a 5yo and an 8yo plus a 4 month old baby. Sometimes I stay at home and my husband goes to stuff, but usually only things that are appropriate for 1 parent to do (club drop offs etc). Everything else, I just take her. She came along to parents evening at 2 months old, the Christmas fair, the Christmas carol concert - loads! If she is whinging I'll just sit her on my knee, or feed her, or stand at the side and rock her depending on the situation. But usually she'll just be asleep in the buggy or carrier.

monitor1 · 09/02/2023 06:09

We've only ever done one parent, the other usually at work

RebeccaCloud9 · 09/02/2023 06:10

Also, I'm a teacher and have seen every possible combination at parents evenings of 1 or 2 parents, with and without baby/toddlers/the pupil/older siblings.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 09/02/2023 06:18

Just take baby in pushchair

Akite · 09/02/2023 06:18

My youngest was born 2 days before my oldest started school! Apart from the initial couple of weeks of paternity, my DH worked away so all school things were just me with a baby and a toddler in tow as well as the one at school. We had a very memorable harvest festival assembly where the baby did a full-on poonami that permeated the atmosphere as well as soaking all her clothes. Teachers at primary are very very used to families with babies, toddlers, single parents etc and won't bat an eyelid if you take your baby along to everything.

SkankingWombat · 09/02/2023 06:24

It isn't the baby but the 5yo that's the issue IMO. A portable tiny baby wouldn't be a problem to bring with you and, like PPs, would be very welcome. I personally would avoid bringing older children as you can't talk freely with them earwigging on the conversation! You don't get long to talk, so best you can talk plainly.
We send one parent to any parent's eves/meetings with the teacher whilst the other stays home with the kids. If DH isn't around due to work, I have in the past made an arrangement with another parent booked to see the teacher at a similar time that I'll watch their DC(s) in the playground/corridor for their meeting, and they then do the same for me. I have also used after school club a couple of times so we could have a meeting free from little listening ears. We had one important meeting that DH needed to attend (DD1 has SEN, so we have more meetings than average), so he took time off work and we used after school club.

maryberryslayers · 09/02/2023 06:26

You take the baby with you. Use a sling or just carry the car seat in. Babies are portable, they just go where the boobs go.
Leave older child with the other parent or babysitter if you both want to be there.

Saturdaydreamingway2355555 · 09/02/2023 06:31

i took DS (4) to all his parents evenings as I was on mat leave with his younger sister (3/4 months) old at the time. His sister came too. DH was working. Then covid hit the same year and they were a thing of the past 🤣🤣
Now we both work full time, if we can get to parents evenings we try too however all the decent slots go instantly (between 6-7pm) so invariable we don’t go and they just ring us for feedback.
If we do manage to get there one of goes and one stays home with kids.

sarahc336 · 09/02/2023 06:32

One parent goes and the other satays at home with the little one. At our school parents evening is only ever a quick catch up anyway the other parent doesn't really miss that much

BendingSpoons · 09/02/2023 06:33

If you have easy available childcare, then both go. Judge on the day whether to take the baby based on when they last fed/slept etc. Otherwise just one of you goes. Babies are fine to come, unless 6pm is the witching hour and they will scream throughout. Not so great to take the 5yo as it changes the dynamics of the meeting.

louise5754 · 09/02/2023 06:34

Husband always at work so I go alone. You aren't there long.

Bellalalala · 09/02/2023 06:39

When I was with the kids dad, we always went separately. Certainly would have taken both kids.

How long are you expecting to be there? Can you not leave the ebf baby at all? I can only go off my own experience that at that age I could have left them for an hour or so, but hat may not be the case for everyone.

Or you can go to the next one and dad goes to this one.

Starcircle · 09/02/2023 06:40

I went alone last week (4 kids including baby so not easy to both go!) I recorded the conversation so my husband could hear what the teacher said! There were children and babies there too

20viona · 09/02/2023 06:40

4 month old is not a new baby really. Just take them with you or one of you stays home. Massively overthinking this.

PuttingDownRoots · 09/02/2023 06:42

When you have two or more, you have to juggle. A lot easier with two parents than one! I had the guilt of missing DD2s choir concert last night as I couldn't take DD1 (who has additional needs and can't cope with loud crowded places)

My advice would be to definitely not take a toddler to parents evening as you never know what they might say to the teachers. 😆But a baby is fine. One of the schools had a creche for 3yo+ kids which came in handy.

BooksAndHooks · 09/02/2023 06:45

Always took baby in a sling everywhere at that age. The appointments are only around ten mins and at primary school you only have the class teacher to see. You are in and out in half an hour if you look at their books first.

Older children stayed with a grandparent.

annlee3817 · 09/02/2023 06:45

Parents evenings at my DDs school are only ten mins, we've got one tonight and are going together with our 5 month old as DD1 has tap straight after so it's easier, otherwise it would just be me going with DD2 as DH would normally be working when it's on. I just put DD2 in the carrier for stuff like that, and would feed her in there.

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