August baby - deferring primary school entry?

[Janedoelondon]

Hi mumsnetters,

Nervous poster as haven’t posted before, but hoping for some advice.

My little boy is 5 months old and was born at the end of August last year. He will be just 4 when he can start primary school.

I was chatting to someone at a group today who was saying I may need to look to defer my little boy’s entry to primary school in a few years’ time, as he’ll be the youngest in the year and may struggle vs those who are older in his cohort.

I know there has been quite a bit of research done into August born vs September born babies so this wasn’t exactly news to me, (others have pointed it out to me before!) but has got me a little worried.

Do any of you have experience doing this with your little ones? Or any August babies who started school having just turned 4 who have been absolutely fine?

Also, has anyone made the decision for their little one to start primary school aged 4, see how they get on, and if they are struggling, then hold them back a year? My worry is it may be difficult to know how a child will adapt until they are in a school setting, so keen for thoughts.

Thanks so much, really appreciate it. Anxious mum here!

My DD was 4 on 29th august and started In reception in September - 3 or 4 days after her birthday. I was quite concerned about her starting and could see the very obvious physical differences between her and the nearly 5 year olds.

We had parents evening yesterday and she is achieving what they expect and is actually doing more than that with phonics / reading. If they'd have offered a January start rather than September, I'd have taken it but I'm glad I didn't hold her back now

Oh and not one of our antenatal group who all have august babies have held them back and all of them are doing well.

There are some September babies who are bored at nursery and want to go to school.

I think its best to wait and see how your baby develops. My daughter is 2.5 years, she will so be ready for school at 4 and nursery have even said it would be a detriment to hold her back as she would get so frustrated. She already knows her letters, numbers and has been speaning in full sentences since 18months. I have no concerns whatsoever about her starting school at 4.
My husband and I are both summer birthdays and excelled at school.
On my flipside my brother was a Sept birthday and had delayed speech and my mum was so grateful he had the extra year to work on it. Therefore in that situation, my view might be entirely different.

It’s strange how children around the world who start school at 7 aren’t “bored shitless” prior to that.

It’s absolutely possible for nurseries/preschools to do a bit of phonics and counting if it’s really true that 4 year olds are crying out for it. I taught my 3 year old to read and still would have preferred to send her later.

No one who sent their child to school at just turned 4 knows what it would have been like if they had deferred them so it’s not really relevant. Statistics show that older children DO do better at primary school.

@ParentsTrapped I agree. My children started at 5. Both doing well academically and neither were bored. They Just got to do play based activities for longer and once formal learning started they picked things up fairly quickly, maybe quicker than they would have a year earlier. I’ve often wondered if al children started older, like in other countries, we’d see children be reading around the same age, just they would pick it up at a quicker pace than had they started younger.

If you’re in England I think you can start in January. But of course they’d be the only one starting probably so not the same as starting with a peer group.

@ParentsTrapped according to friends who have children in schools in countries such as Germany, 'kinder' is pretty much identical to Reception and Year 1 in terms of the structure of the day and the learning. It's just not referred to as school. At our London primary kids don't sit at tables until year 2, they do all learning on the carpet and have big chunks of 'busy time' which is free play and free flow between indoors and outdoors right to the end of year 1. My niece who was 5 in September was very bored at her nursery, she wasn't able to go to the school one as it didn't provide enough hours so she was in with her 3 year old sister.

@Bear2014 the expectations on 4 year olds in this country are absolutely not the same as they are in other countries in Europe.

If reception is as free and full
of play as you say then I wonder why your niece was so bored at nursery but wouldn’t have been if she had been at school? It sounds like she wasn’t at a very good nursery.

My DC1 is in reception and doesn’t spend that much time “sitting at tables” from what I can gather but does spend large portions of the day working on phonics, reading, writing and maths, has homework, and what’s more that will all move up a gear next year in year 1 and again in year 2. Kids who are only just 4 starting reception will be only just 5 starting year 1 and only just 6 starting year 2…it’s not just an issue in reception (obviously) but persists throughout primary school.

My nephew is late July and started at 4 and spent reception in a remedial writing intervention group which consisted entirely of summer born boys. He was absolutely aware that he “wasnt good” at writing compared to others in his class and it massively affected his confidence. Fine motor skills are nothing to do with intelligence and everything to do with physical maturity. And that’s just one example.

Yes someone has to be the youngest but if I had a child born in August I would absolutely make sure it wasn’t my kid. That’s what the OP is asking about.

@ParentsTrapped yep fair enough it probably wasn't the best nursery. But there isn't always a huge amount of choice. I think being with kids more her own age would have helped.

All primary schools are not created equal either, ours has a no homework policy and definitely aims to do a gentle and gradual introduction to 'formal learning'. My son is the youngest of his year of 90 kids, having a mid-August birthday. Having got to know some of DD's summer born friends who are in year 4, and our experience so far with DS, we have no regrets.

Kids learn from other kids. Comparing july/august born kids with kids born the previous September is obviously going to be scary thinking how they will cope. But why not compare them with kids who are born in may/june? They're only 1-2 months off...

It's interesting that parents look at the statistics about older children in the year doing better, and think that that means that deferring a younger child will be in the child's interests.

The statistics are based on an older child in the correct year group, and only look at academic performance. It's not possible to defer a child and have them be in that same position - they will always be an older child in the wrong year group.

And there are consequences to that - not in terms of academic performance, but in terms of wellbeing.

Children are very sensitive to any perceived differences between themselves and their peers. Deferred children will know that they are in the "wrong" year. They will know that they therefore have an advantage over their peers. How are they going to feel if they aren't an academic performer? If even with the advantage they have been given, they are trailing their peers - will they feel additional embarrassment and shame at that? Will they feel isolated if they are the most mature student in the year and they know that they have been put there artificially (and this is different to September born children, who may be just a few weeks younger but will not have the same sense of difference)?

It's just not possible to replicate the advantage that a September born child has by simply deferring a summer born child.

And the statistics themselves about that advantage are very broad brush. An August born child with SEN is at a far greater disadvantage than an August born baby with no SEN and a supportive home environment - the disadvantage that the latter has is surely minimal, but the statistics just show the average of the cohort.

@TapSpring of course it is possible to replicate the advantage that a September born child has by deferring a child for a year - that’s exactly what deferring does.

In reality if the child is august born they will be a few weeks older than they “should” be. Those few weeks are categorically not going to lead to them feeling isolated, embarrassed and ashamed 🤣. Most kids could be well into primary school before they even realised the issue.

Maturity-wise, kids mature at very different rates. Puberty takes place over years. There is no reason to think that a deferred child would be the most mature in their class anyway.

My daughter starts school in September and she will turn 4 just 3 weeks before she starts. I'm not too worried. She goes to nursery 5 mornings and loves the structure. She's showing an interest in phonics and writing so I think she will thrive at school.

My August born waltzed in without a care in the world and is now year 6 and had absolutely no issues the whole of primary school (apart from scruffy handwriting).

My October born spent a whole 12 months bored to tears in preschool waiting to start school then has flown through everything they've given him. He could of easily coped going the September before too.

My April born started in September and it seemed just the right time for her.

I don’t have personal experience but I’ve thought about this same scenario many times even though I have winter babies 😆

My nearly four old could have started school already and been fine ! My family have said the same thing to me. And I don’t mean in an gifted/academic way ( he’s average here ) but I just mean he would do well in a class room setting , has a good attention span , loves to learn and is quite social . Anyway non of this matters because he’s a winter baby lol but I have thought that if he was an August baby I would have put him in school .

I guess what I’m saying is it’s too early to know . You’ll get a better idea in a few years.

It is so dependent on the individual child. My DD started reception aged four and 2 weeks and has had no issues. She is now in Year 3, and is ahead of where she needs to be in reading/writing and working at the expected level in maths. However I do know of other children who have really benefited from being held back. I certainly wouldn’t make any immediate decisions.

My DD is very very late August. About as late as you can get.
We considered deferring but when she was 3/4 and in nursery we could see that she was ready for Reception and would be bored in Nursery for another year.
She has been absolutely fine.
It really depends on your child, and you will know in your gut what is right for them, nearer the time. He's tiny now.
You have to wait and see who he is, and please don't panic. My DD isn't particularly academic or anything, but she's always kept up.

Hmm, I'm not sure about this. In September born but one of my best friends was born at the end of July, and is one of the smartest girls I know. We were in the same class and she was better than me at everything!

It is literally impossible for an August born child to be both the oldest in the year, and to be in the correct age group. That child will never be able to exactly replicate the experience of a September born child in the correct age group because of the side effects of being a deferred child.

There are loads of studies about how things that seem inconsequential have a big impact on a child's perception of themselves. Eg, how the birth order of siblings gives different expectations of a child - the eldest child typically feels an expectation to be "the responsible one" and can struggle with perfectionism. Apparently even giving your child a particularly unusual name can make that child feel more lonely, as they can feel that they stand out amongst their peer group. It doesn't matter that there are only a few weeks between a deferred August child and the September borns in the correct year - it's the status of being different that matters. Children absolutely pick up on that from a very young age.

@TapSpring I completely agree with you that a child’s perception of themselves matters greatly and has the potential
to have long lasting effects.

Children who start school very young start off at a disadvantage compared to their older peers. Being less physically and emotionally and socially and developmentally mature means that they will find all manner of tasks expected of them in the classroom, from holding a pencil, to sitting still, to negotiating friendships more difficult than their older peers. They start off their school life thinking that they aren’t as clever or as good at reading/writing as their peers, or are branded “naughty” or attention seeking if they find it more difficult to follow instructions. It sets their perception of themselves in relation to school and academic and social performance and can affect their confidence and attitude to education for potentially their entire school career. As you say, seemingly inconsequential things can be a big deal to a 4 year old.

By contrast, my reception aged child has no idea when classmates’ birthdays are or when compulsory school age is. She has no clue if kids in her class were deferred and neither do I. If and when it ever came up then it would be easy to tell the truth - that parents have a choice about when to send their child to school. If you think there is a stigma associated with it then that is your own prejudices speaking but no child would automatically assume it, much less agonise over it.

Oh and I have no skin in this game - my dc1 is a March birthday and started reception aged 4. We planned DC2 for autumn to avoid the issue.

Willing to bet the people strongly against deferring have sent their summer born kids to school at 4, which is absolutely their choice, but doesn’t mean that’s what the OP should do.

I think op, given your child is so young for now just do some reading about school start age. The group suggested in here has a file section with links to relevant research/guidance. Then by the time you are closer to making decision you will have a firm basis of what the possibilities are.

Also in that Facebook group you can search your local authority to find out what the process there is like. It Varys greatly across LEAs/ academies etc. some almost automatically agree CSS start some make it very difficult.

The great thing is you have time. Lots of the issues that crop up with CSA start seem to come from people trying to sort it out very last minute.

100 percent defer. My son now 21 was at the younger end of the year and has always found it hard. His sister who is now five is also a summer baby (although not as late as yours) and we deferred her so she's in reception almost 6yo. Absolutely the best decision we could have made. It was right for her. Coincidentally the other children in her class were all five in September/october, latest was inJanuary so there are no summer borns in her class, perhaps everyone is doing it these days.

@GlamGiraffe it does seem to be getting kore common. I know when I got Ty e approval for my son it came through with another child’s names half way through it, so I guess they approved someone else’s child too.

I know a lot of admissions policies specifically reference summer born children now too.

great that the choice is becoming kore available for those who want/need it.

DS is July born but sen and went to school hardly being able to speak. I did worry a lot if I’d done the right thing sending him but he’s done incredibly well. He’s slightly behind on maths and hand writing but ahead on his reading and always gets full marks in his spelling test. He’s year one now but in a mixed reception and year one class in small school and is in all ways working at the same level as he’s peers. I think he would have been bored in preschool ( although it was excellent and they brought him on a long way) for another year. The preschool and school staff have really gone above and beyond.
DD is august born but she will be absolutely fine,