Anyone else get shamed for bed sharing??

[Peonnies]

I only partially co sleep I’d say. DS is 1 and gets in our bed around 12/1. On nights where he’s poorly or teething usually around 10/11!

I personally like having him next to me:) I suffer with anxiety and feel so much calmer and know he’s fine when he’s next to me! I love when he rolls over and scoots close to give me a cuddle <3

however , not my side I’d say. But DH’s side. Wow

his mum constantly says ‘babies should be in the cot’ ‘all of my children slept right through in their own cots’.
his brothers the same and dad

so now DH is starting to get on the he must be in his own cot all night bandwagon

i think while he’s this young and go so much going on - nursery bugs, teething, constant new skills learning. Why not?

I also love little moments where I look over at him and my husband and think about how blessed I am to have my happy healthy family

I'm with you OP, nothing wrong with co-sleeping and I did get it in the neck from a few older family member when I did it.
However, I'd always take into account what DP thinks. I do expect him to do 50% of the parenting, so it's only fair that he gets an equal say in things concerning DC. We both work so both need sleep, and if having DC in with us meant that he was always tired and it affected his work, I think that should be taken into account.

Well. With my first I co slept a bit. But then tried to get him on his cot. Because I felt I should. I really really regret it.

With my second I will co sleep as long as we both want to.

You know what I would say?
Hopefully one day, when I'm a little old lady on my death bed, and I think back to my most special memory, do you know what it will be? Co-sleeping with my babies.

It is so good for a baby's development, in my opinion, and as research suggests. It is totally normal in most non westernised parts of the world. And as long as it's done safely and you are happy too, keep on.

Also, in the kindest way, this is the time you need to start to really grow a back bone which we all need to do as mums.
No. This is my child and I will do what I think is right. Thank you for your concern, but in the kindest possible way, I think you are wrong about that.
Be firm.

Don't be swayed by what other people think! I really regret it.

@Beachsidesunset LOL my mum said this comment. Maybe true

didn’t fancy mentioning to MIL there’s other places than the bed to sh*g 😂

It’s working for us atm because the nights we try to get him to stay for ages in his cot (he does a few hours then gets in)

werenup and down and more tired than if we just got him in!

DH is 110% listening to family opinions because he didn’t have a problem with it before they expressed their views. He even agrees if it gets us sleep who cares!

but good to know I’m not alone. It’s weird when people judge isn’t it? I’m starting to see how incredibly normal it is :) and it’s just so lovely

Absolutely! We have 4 children and had to get more and more creative to conceive each one

I don’t bedshare and I am really against the idea (for MY family) but I would never ever ever ever shame anyone who does it, not even in my dreams! So if I were you I’d really put a stop to it now, and not in a gentle way. My kids my rules.

Putting that aside, I do understand why many people are not keen. One thing I learned with my kid is to not start habits that I don’t want to keep in the long run. You’ll see loads of people saying they bedshared for 6 months and it all turned out fine but it is not unusual to see people with big kids bedsharing, so make sure you’re really ok with the possible outcomes of this choice as there’s a large spectrum.

You won’t find threads anywhere of parents complaining that their kids sleep through the night in their cots/bed and asking tips on how to convince them to bedshare, it seems to me that bedshare it is always used as a way to brush the problem under the carpet and not have to deal with it. My SIL still bedshares with my niece, she’s 6 years old now and won’t stay asleep if they are not in contact so they go to bed together (around 9:30 which is quite late for a child but early for an adult) by the time is 5am SIL is wide awake but can’t leave the bed. She’s been trying for years to sneak away for a couple of hours in the early morning to exercise or just some childfree quiet time but to no avail. Her marriage is suffering even though BIL is very supportive and understanding, but couples drift apart without intimacy and quality time together. She is a lovely mum and friend so I feel for her! She knows our DD goes in her cot 7pm-6am and has confided in me she regrets deeply her choices in that matter as it really affects the family dynamic. I must add both my DD and her DD are happy, thriving, loved and “normal” kids so I am not implying bedsharing is a bad habit per se!

I've never done it. Initially because I would be scared of smothering the baby, but as she got older she just liked her own space. I don't think it's odd if they are small kids, but I think sleeping with a teenager is a bit unusual, unless it's some kind of emergency where there are no beds.

@FigAndOlive i agree. I grabs you a bit of extra sleep in the early months but it’s afterwards that you pay a high price for it!

My 8yo always sneaks into our bed. She starts off in hers but always comes through. She says she feels safe and wants snuggles with us. Keeping her safe is my job so how can I argue with that?? We've just embraced it and got a super king bed! On nights I can't cope with it I just go in her bed & she stays in mine. I'm hopeful she will grow out of it soon.

im co sleeping with my 3 month old at the moment and hubby in spare room. Works at the moment as get the most sleep this way. Do miss my sharing with my husband but it won’t be forever. My mum hates that we co sleep as she is worried something bad will happen and no matter how much I tell her that I’ve read up on the safe sleeping guidelines she still doesn’t approve and makes comments all the time. It is very very annoying

I'm sharing with my almost 7 year old since my husband left and she became unsettled.

She doesn't want to leave my bed and we have a very big bed which we both sleep well in.

My dad was outraged and said 'well that must stop immediately'

Why though?

Gosh my 10yo occasionally sleeps in my bed, he's autistic, non verbal, can't tolerate affection, etc. so I feel privileged when he actually wants to be close to me 😆

My cousins kids do this. Jump in with grandma, I think it’s lovely!

my have been cosleepers. Oldest teen sleeps alone upstairs but middle kid has anxiety so had been cosleeping with me and youngest (dad working away). Dad has pushed him out now but when he’s scared I let him back in. Youngest still in with us. I think it’s normal and don’t care what other people do or think.

Exactly! Why!? My daughter, now late teens, slept in my bed for years as a kid because we had no space. I can assure you, she has no desire to get in with me now!

In fact, I co slept with all of them when they were very little and it was lovely. They aren't very little for long.

Yeah I actually see no reason to stop. I'm doing her room up, slowly, and when it's done I just see no reason she HAS to go in there.

If neither of us mind, what's the problem? I could ask my dad but he gets very angry about it 😂

Do what works fir your family. As long as your DH is also happy with co-sleeping ( and it sounds as if he was until his Mum poked her nose in 😂), go for it.

The only comment I’d make is that our DC aren’t our emotional crutches so if your anxiety is interfering with your sleep, please get some help for it. What I mean if that if YOU need your child in your bed in order to sleep soundly, that needs addressing. I also suffer from anxiety so I really sympathize, but it’s not your LO’s job to provide support, IYSWIM .💐

My daughter is 4 years old in summer and slept every night of her life in my bed with mummy and daddy
I prefer her with me as I like to check her regularly but would like more space lol
we have a superking bed too
not a single sign of her wanting her own bed yetlol 🥰 x

Just don’t talk about it and show your DH the spare room.

If she knows where the spare room is, she could move into it herself.
I think both occupants of the bed have a say on what happens in it. The mother's opinion is not more important than the father's

I agree, @MarshaMelrose , although it sounds as if her DH is fine with co-sleeping really, it’s just that her MIL is stirring things up.

I definitely think it’s a joint decision for parents.

I don’t have an issue with co sleeping, but I believe it should be for the child’s benefit, not the parents, and I’m not sure that’s the case for you.

if you’re allowing it as you’re not mentally well, Ie anxiety, I’m not sure that’s great for the child.

Oh god, don't scare me. I can't get my 12 yr old ASD boy out of my king-size. I can fight for a bedtime in own bed but he appears every night without fail.

I have 4 DC and have coslept with all of them, the last one until he was almost 3 for various reasons. Even now they are big hulking teens if they are unwell and want to sleep with me I will do. I had all the comments about smothering them when they were teeny. I even bought a book that stated that cosleeping was natural around the world.

Dont listen to anyone else and do what’s right for your family.

@headache. Yes, my 14-year-old still comes in occasionally. 😂

Agood analogy I saw on Instagram:
Most adults don't like sleeping alone, so why should children?