I guess that's it?

[Helena1993]

I have a 9 month old and I still don't enjoy parenting at ALL. All I see is how my decision to have a baby has taking everything from me. Freedom, sleep, me time, my body. The constant neediness that's draining me, time with my husband, unpredictability and boredom are hard to deal with.
Can't believe I'm feeling this way. I always wanted kids. But now having a daughter... I feel like it was a bad decision. Even though I love her. But idk. It's soooooo hardddd.
Love the smiles. But that about all.
Not sure what I expect by posting this but whatever... Call me a bad mum.... I'm trying my best to not show her how I feel about the situation. I believe I love her but I hate being a mum. And more and more people tell me it gets worse when they move around more. I never even asked for their opinions...

My sister said the first year of her daughters life was the hardest year of her life and she hated it so much it put her off ever having another as she just couldn't go through it again. It will get easier so gradually that one day you'll think 'this isn't so bad anymore'. I know it's hard as it seems such a long time away that you'll be content and have some time to yourself or more sleep. But you will . The days are long but the months are short. You aren't a bad parent, it's just so bloody hard

I hated it too. Felt exactly the same. I had PND and treatment really helped but I still felt I’d ruined my life and that, on balance, I wished I’d never had children. She’s 5 now and not only am I a parent, I’m a solo parent as DH died suddenly when she was 2.5. And I adore her, love being a mum, wouldn’t want to go back, feel every single sacrifice was worth it a million times over. You will get there too.

Ignore people who say it gets harder. It really doesn’t.

You're not a bad mam. It will get easier. X

It doesn’t get worse in my opinion, there are harder phases and easier phases, but ultimately every phase passes and eventually they start growing up and not needing you quite so much. You’ve had a child for a very very small amount of time in the scale of things, this bit you don’t enjoy but it will pass. She will end up being an asshole toddler for a while yes, but she will also get really funny and learn all sorts of funny things and you will eventually get more time to yourself! Hang in in there OP, nothing wrong with finding the baby phase crap!

It gets easier honestly. More women than will admit feel like you do. You need to reset expectations about when it will get better. Can you go back to work?

In my opinion it gets easier with each stage- once you get to three they're a walking talking SLEEPING human being. Then before you know it they're at school and you have five days a week to be normal plus they're actually pleasant enough company on the weekends.

I don't know how anyone enjoys having a newborn tbh!

I remember feeling like this with my first. Just him sitting on my lap squirming annoyed the shit out of me. No one understood how I felt and I thought I was alone. I think a lot of mums feel this way. Fast forward 11 years and I have the best relationship with my DS. We fucking love the bones of each other. He said to me the other day that he thinks I’m the best mum ever and how lucky he is to have me. And that’s just the first kid. The other thinks I’m great too. But it was tough going. Ups and downs and lots of self doubt about if I really loved them. But honestly it’s just bloody hard work parenting small children. I swear the mums lived up with their babies are the ones who have docile, sleepy kids!

I'll go back to work in 3 months and I can't wait...

You're not a bad mother. The first year is just basically keeping them alive, the parenting comes later.
I detested the baby and toddler phase really. They were much more interesting school age

It definitely gets easier. Babies are boring and needy.

I went back very PT when DD was 2
months old (out of necessity) and it was the best thing I did. DD is nearly 10 now and we have enormous fun. She’s awesome.

Can you go back to work any earlier?

I found my two maternity leaves to be the worst times of my life. I had bad PND, and just hated every second. But ignore the people who say it gets harder, it doesn't. Yes, when they move around more you have to do a bit more chasing but overall it just gets easier. I promise!

@Helena1993 how's the sleep training going? Are you getting more sleep now at least?

I feel the same with a 4 month old. So bored/drained and annoyed at myself for disrupting my lovely life with this chaotic, needy little thing. Mentally I’m so up and down and physically still feel like a stranger. I’m hoping in the future when I stop breastfeeding and I have time to work out that will help. Also I’ve decided to go back to work part time after 8 months with plenty of keeping in touch days booked in. Having a ‘deadline’ to this part of my life is helping me feel a bit less down about it. Before we know it they will be in nursery, walking/talking, can feed themselves etc and we will get some independence back.

Baby is ill and not sleeping well. But other than that sleep training saved my sanity.

That's a good decision. I'm also counting down the days until I can go back to work. Some days I'm not sure how to survive. But even so.. It definitely got a whole lot easier since 4 months if that helps. My PPD is just pretty severe.
Baby sits unsupported, can move around a bit, smiles more, says dadadadada, can clap hands. And it's getting better and better.

@Helena1993 thanks - I’m glad it is slowly getting better for you. Are you on medication and do you feel like it’s helping? I’ve tried to reach out to the gp and health visitor twice but was told my symptoms aren’t severe enough for support. Not sure whether to keep pushing

I'm on medication and it does help. Keep pushing if you think you need help. You know yourself best. The best you can do for your mental health is to have someone help you though. With the household and baby. So you can relax.

I absolutely hate the baby stage. All the feeding, trying to get them to nap. Tedious monotony. My baby is 13 month old and she now understands quite a bit "Where's Teddy?" (She will point) and "your turn" (she will copy what I've done - waving, clapping etc) and she entertains herself for 15 minutes at a time (looking at board books or blocks). And it's getting slowly better. Sleep is awful still and I'm fatter than ever but she's a bit more interesting. I do miss the pub, freedom and I would just like to binge watch a box set (like I did when she was newborn)

When you go back to work you can book a days leave when baby is in childcare and sleep. I do this quiet often and it's really good for my mental health. It will get easier when they start sleeping more and can talk and communicate.

OP is there any opportunity for you to return to work a bit earlier than planned?

I found the baby stage very tedious as well, and had PND after the first. It was a hard time. I would see if you can go back to work sooner. It helped me.
I've never understood the excitement about babies, I found it hard when they were that young. The fact that they are so physically dependent, how often they wake up, the fact that everything is governed by their napping / feeding schedule, the crying is draining. It does get easier, and I think it's better when they are more mobile as their world gets bigger and more interesting, harder in terms of keeping them safe in the short term until they get a bit r, but I don't agree that it gets worse.

I know it's controversial but I would try sleep training it I were you.

I can't go back to work earlier. As much as I wish I could! Babies are insanely boring and there's so much crying! If everyone knew how being a parent of a baby is. I bet the world wouldn't be so overpopulated...

It's very dull and I didn't enjoy it at all. And am not doing it again! But honestly, it does get better. Mine is four now and is great, he's funny and kind (and a total pain sometimes), but importantly I don't feel trapped anymore. I can leave him to play or watch TV while I do other stuff. He enjoys a nice walk and can keep up with me without needing the pushchair. I'd say from about 2.5 I started to really enjoy his company, with a brief hellish few weeks at 3 for potty training.

Do you get any time off? When I was on mat leave I realised my DP had no idea how boring and draining looking after a baby all day is, so I started having a few hours off some weekends and leaving him to it. I would go out for four or five hours - usually for a bike ride, or to go shopping - and that space and time alone really helped me feel better and be a better mum.

Until then, on weekdays when you're stuck at home - go OUT. I went out almost every day. Into town, on the train to a different town, to a cafe or park. Just a mooch around the supermarket to coincide with nap time. Whatever you enjoy. Oh and if you can afford it, start a few taster sessions for nursery (assuming that's what you're doing?) and start her off slowly before you go back to work - it's beyond stressful worrying about your baby newly at nursery when you're also trying to get your head around working again. Mine loved nursery and I so wish I'd put him in for a few hours a week so I could get the house sorted and get some sleep before I went back to work. Especially as we went into lockdown a month later!

@Helena1993 I have slept trained. I have done controlled crying (my first slept through the night after 2 nights but not this baby!) and it worked beautifully at getting baby to go to sleep independently. She goes from awake to asleep in cot in about 5 minutes if it's the right time. BUT- she still wakes multiple times a night AND wakes early around 5am. Have seen sleep consultant too and it's still shit.

Wow that sucks. I'm sorry for you..