I guess that's it?

[Helena1993]

I have a 9 month old and I still don't enjoy parenting at ALL. All I see is how my decision to have a baby has taking everything from me. Freedom, sleep, me time, my body. The constant neediness that's draining me, time with my husband, unpredictability and boredom are hard to deal with.
Can't believe I'm feeling this way. I always wanted kids. But now having a daughter... I feel like it was a bad decision. Even though I love her. But idk. It's soooooo hardddd.
Love the smiles. But that about all.
Not sure what I expect by posting this but whatever... Call me a bad mum.... I'm trying my best to not show her how I feel about the situation. I believe I love her but I hate being a mum. And more and more people tell me it gets worse when they move around more. I never even asked for their opinions...

I had my two at 39 and 42, so I guess I was ready to put myself last. They're teens now and I still find that prioritising them and my DH above me has made me enormously content, though I never expected it to.

The first six months were hard though - PND, my DH changing careers, I had to change jobs too etc. But then I just sort of embraced it.

The turning point I think is that sweet moment they can start to play independently, when you can sit on a bench in a park and watch over them while chatting to a friend or just reading.

You'll grow into this, don't worry.

I have to say, I think this is an enormously damaging point of view. Fair enough if you like being a martyr, but so much self-sacrifice is expected of women and I can honestly say, it never, ever makes me feel content. In fact it makes me feel shit. Why shouldn't the mother be a priority? Of course you care for your children, almost all mothers will ensure their child is safe and happy and well before worrying about themselves, but you do not need to put yourself last. That is not a healthy thing to do, whatever your age (and I had mine at 37 so not far off your age).

I was just bored of putting myself first for so many years. I've found this way a lot more rewarding. It was a real surprise to me.

So many people warned me about having a toddler. Turns out I LOVE having a toddler. My life is so much better now she can walk and talk. She moves more during the day so sleeps better at night, I can take her to places, she can communicate what's wrong and she can entertain herself for short periods of time. There's the odd tantrum, sure, but that's so much less hassle than having a baby. If you ask me this is much easier.

I found it much better from after a year onwards. Once my DS could communicate a bit and had a bit of a personality he become much better company.
Not everyone is a baby person, I’m not.

Maybe, like me, you are just not cut out for mothering babies. Babies bored me stupid. I hated the drugery. But as soon as they were up and walking and talking and properly interacting I started enjoying it. Still hard work but way more rewarding. And then they go to school and your life trickles back to you. The pre-school years are bloody hard.

But DC are around forever unless tragedy occurs. You're allowed to be better at some aspects of parenting than others. Babyhood only lasts 12-18 months. If you turn out to be a better parent of adult DC then long term, you're all better off. Nicer to have decades of fun with DC than one year of joy with a baby. If that makes sense.

I hope that you guys who say it gets fun after a year are right. I'm already seeing major improvement in basically all areas (sleeping, eating, everything) . She played by herself for 30mins today?! I'm teaching her sign language too and I think she is already doing the sign for milk.

Every phase is just that, a phase, and they pass.

DS has been the devils child for the first 18m of his life -every single day was hard because he just screamed. All day. At anything possible.

He's cheered up massively now unless he has to go in the car and he's developing a personality and understanding what we're saying to him - and so, it's getting easier.

DS1 is 10 now and I can honestly say every age has got easier than the last - though I fully expect there to be peaks and troughs when we hit the teens.

Honestly, you do start to get some freedom back, and more sleep etc, though no one can tell you exactly when that will happen. Once it does, parenting starts to feel slightly less full on. Also, as the become children rather than babies, and you can chat to them about things, that helps too.

Things will improve, I promise. Everyone always tells you to "enjoy every second' but no one ever tells you that babyhood can actually be really boring and repetitive as well as tough going. Keep going, better days are coming.xx

I'm actually sitting on the hospital bed crying because it's been really hard. She hit her head and threw up.
Reading this again gives me a little hope. Therapy doesn't work at all. In fact. My therapist makes me even more depressed by saying stuff like the world is probably not going anywhere good and idk. I'm severely depressed and unbelievably anxious.

It is really really horrible when they are unwell and your routine and the little teeny things that help you cope go out the window.

Your therapist sounds dreadful!! I've had several over the decades and went through an existential crises (not due to PPD) and none made me feel directly worse! Sure therapy can be very challenging but it doesn't sound a good fit.

Are you get lots of practical support from anyone, any emotional support? Are you getting time for yourself, have you started with childcare?

Parenthood is very difficult and challenging for many and different phases.

My 3rd had undiagnosed silent reflux and all she did was cry and the HV and GP were no help. I returned to work early (PT) for a break and honestly I have never forgotten how horrific it was not "enjoying" my baby.

I got over how awful it was and how much I hated the first year or so.

I don't mean this to have a go and it is a genuine question but what were people when they had a baby?

Seeing babies out and about and hearing stories from friends and relatives and being around babies myself not for one second did I ever think it would be easy or all rainbows and sunshine

So I really do not get what people were actually expecting when they had a baby

I really do hope the answer is not 'I thought it would bring us closer together' I never get that one

Excuse me? I don't think anyone can prepare you for how hard it is going to be.
Plus most mums don't admit how hard it is and only share the good.

I don't get much support. Only my husband. And he usually needs a break as much as I do.
haven't started childcare yet.
This therapist was good the first few times I went but now it's so bad I hate seeing him.

Can you find the money to start childcare ASAP even if it's fewer days/hours to start with?

Wanda clearly has no experience of PPD and how absolutely awful it is!!!

I was young when I had my eldest and she was a double contraceptive failure. It made it easier because I had never had money or a career and no expectation of parenthood. I had nothing to give up and I had a partner who had been a single parent so he knew the ropes. The 3rd was a different kettle of fish, planned and wanted and nearly broke us both!!

When I have suffered badly with depression it was beyond awful. Blackest of the black and indescribable to someone who has never been there

Don't lose sight of the long game. (I know, not easy.)

Life, if we are lucky, is not just the first year of motherhood, but stretches on many decades beyond it.

I did not enjoy the first year with either of my DDs, it was just a case of head down, get on with it.

I have two grown up DDs now who are my best friends; we go shopping together, have holidays together, they have both just come home from their separate houses to spend the night here with me tonight because I'm unwell and they want to look after me.

In between that difficult baby stage and now, there were lots of happy times. School concerts. Little chats. Watching them do gymnastics, or play their instruments. Sharing a TV thing with them. Later, theatre. They become by inches very much more fun to be with.

That difficult investment you are putting in to that little girl right now will pay off one day. She will be a friend and another strong arm in the family for when one arm (me at present!) falters.

I felt like this until in and around 9-10 months. I loved my little boy but I didn't enjoy being a mum, it's a pretty thankless task. Everyone was like "just you wait til they're a toddler then you'll really know what hard is" it's the OPPOSITE. I love his little personality, since he's been able to get around and communicate it is so much more rewarding and interesting, I found the baby stage quite boring and restrictive. My LB is 18 months now and I love being a mum, he brings so much joy every day with his personality and he's just learning to speak and every word is just incredible. Some people just like different stages. Don't be hard on yourself x

No one warned me or I didn’t believe them how absolutely boring newborns/ babies are.

Actually wouldn’t have believed HOW boring they are and truly isolating.

People say it takes a village and my mum is around if needed but that doesn’t help when my daughter is overtired and won’t calm down as at that stage it is only me who can get her to calm down even if I feel like I’m going to break I just have to keep going for her benefit. No one could have explained that level of exhaustion and frustration to me

I was diagnosed with pnd when baby was 9 months. It's a tough phase.

Make sure you get out every day, preferably with other people. I found it easier if I had somewhere to go rather than just being in all day.

Mines 8 now....and awesome 👏

PPD is seriously awful!! What really keeps me going is how much I love my baby. And your posts. And my husband.
I can't Start childcare earlier. But it's only 2 months now.
It's amazing how people online can be so helpful. Thank you all.

@Helena1993 just cane on to say that my experience was it got soooo much easier as soon as ds was moving around. He was happier so I was happier

I realised I’m just not a baby mum. I started enjoying it when there was more give as well as take, when the personality quirks really come through and, crucially, when I had time to be ME again - at work, with friends etc. The break that good childcare gives is so important. I knew my child was in good hands and I was my old professional self. And then genuinely started looking forward to being mum and doing fun things together on my non working days. But that first year… just awful.