Does EVERYONE struggle during early years??

[Libertypancake]

Hi All

We are due to start IVF next week and am (obviously nervous) but SO looking forward to hopefully having our own little baby.

I read loads of stuff about how difficult it is to have a baby, to be a parent. How much everyone struggles with the sleeplessness, the anxiety, the loss of your own identity.

I absolutely do not want to downplay any of this and it is not my intention to underestimate the effort that goes into raising a child.

But does anyone consider it the best time of their lives? My mum always said that when I was born she loved it. She thrived on motherhood and said she enjoyed every second.

Of course there are going to be two sides. But I was just hoping to hear the happy baby, parenting stories. Where people are loving life

When my children were young it was one of the happiest times of my life. Teen years were harder. Now they're grow up and part of me really misses those early years. Good luck OP xx

With my first DS, when I was going through the early years it felt hard and exhausting at the time. Now I look back on it with fondness and realise how happy I was, despite the tiredness.

I think for a lot of people it's both at the same time. The best and the worst. Overwhelming love and contentment and sleep deprivation and anxiety. Excitement for this new role and life and mourning for the old one.

It's much more complex than some people struggle and some people have a jolly old time.

I think a lot depends on individual circumstances.

Things like, do you have a good relationship with your family/husbands family and how much will they be involved? So many threads on here about grandparents causing stress and issues. In our case, we had very limited family help and it was hard for us.

Does your husband work away or do long hours? How much of the parenting will fall to you?

The temperament of the baby is obviously a big one. Some are easier than others, they might sleep/feed badly and be very unsettled. This is hard to cope with.

Loss of freedom - some people cope better than others.

For me, I had a tough time because I had very little family help, a husband who worked away all the time and a baby who was not easy to settle. However it could be completely different for you.

It was hard work.

In so glad it's over.

I think it’s phases really. Some bits are harder than others - and that’s probably true for everyone.

I find some aspects a real struggle and I definitely feel a bit down about things like sleep, but without fail every day brings some moment of pure joy and in general I really love and enjoy motherhood - whilst still feeling knackered, grumpy and a bit resentful at times. Both things are kind of true at once.

I’m sure once I’m out of the tantrums and broken sleep phase (2.5 currently) I’ll look back on the early years as the some of best times of my life. There are a lot of magical parts and so much joy. But is it really hard in the moment? Yeah, fairly often.

Mine has been great, she's almost an adult now and still brilliant.
I was in a terrible situation when she was born and she was the easiest and best part of my life.
It was the first time I really felt like I knew what I was doing and I was good at something, to be fair she was an easy baby- slept and ate well and was rarely ill, so I got a easier ride than some.
Newborn was lovely- she was in a sling wrap most of the time and it felt like an extention of pregnancy- which I had also liked.
Baby age was great, she was pretty chilled and liked being carried.
Honestly I have loved all of it and even the hard bits are okay.

It's been the best years of my life so far and I have honestly found it an absolute joy. Mine are 4 and 2 months so I realise there's still a long way to go but the early years so far have been amazing. Things that massively helped this though:
-only going back to work part time
-having someone to have them overnight occasionally
-having some money to be comfortable to afford nice days out with them
-the 4 year old sleeping through the night from 7pm so having the evenings to ourselves
-having a supportive father who does parenting and the mental load equally but also enjoys it so I don't have to ask him to do things

No - it's the best thing ever! You have got to have the "space" in your life for kids, I personally think that makes things easier. But it is just the best thing I ever did, becoming a mum. I wish I'd done it sooner (and I was a young mum with my first!)

Personally - no. I had ds late (39) and I can honestly say it was one of the best times of my life. I stopped work for 2 years, had space to just be a parent, (lucky I know without the financial pressures), went back part time until ds was at 6th form.

It was the best time of my life, also at times the most challenging including financially.

All the best with IVF, we welcomed a much loved Granddaughter last year, IVF can bring such joy.

Hated it. All of it. Once Dts turned two it for so much better.

With my oldest daughter I found the first year while I wasn't working was a breeze and was the happiest I'd ever been.

For me it got harder once she turned 2 and it's still a challenge (she's now 3 and I've also got a 12 week old which doesn't help!) but it's also so amazing to see their personalities and she says things on a daily basis that make my heart melt.

Wow, what a mixed set of replies :)
entering into this with equal amounts of trepidation and excitement!
Suppose it would be foolish not to be a little nervous.

To those of you that really didn't enjoy the early years, did you expect not to enjoy them? Or did it hit you unexpectedly?

No op, you only hear of the bad stuff. Mine went through the night at 11 weeks, only woke once before the 11 weeks for a feed, and was an easy baby.

It’s mad. More mad than anything could ever prepare you for. You’ll feel like your losing your mind in those early years. But it’s also the most indescribably precious and joyful time. Those early years are the purest form of joy I have ever experienced, spending time with a being of the most perfect innocence and wonder. Yes, it’s tough but it’s more than worth it. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done and ever will do. I wish you luck with your IVF.

It’s both OP. Like everything else in life, there will be amazing moments and horrible ones. But when you’ve had a few challenging hours with tantrums, mess, little sleep and constant bickering, your little one may suddenly come up to you and give you a warm bear hug for absolutely no reason. And that’s what you need to remember. Like everything else in life, you will have bad moments but you will also have amazing ones. And much, much further down the line, the love and those precious moments are what you will choose to remember. ♥️♥️

Think it depends on how well your baby sleeps, sleep deprivation is a form of torture after all.

I was going to say something like this. I've had quite a tough time in the early months and my son is still quite a challenging baby now he's 1, but the joy of being a mother to my child is just so fantastic that even the worst times are somehow worth every second ❤️

It's neither one nor the other. There are good bits and there are bits you just survive - like most things in life. What I would say is that it's important to be realistic; I read somewhere that IVF mums have a higher chance of PND and part of it is because of the weight of expectation that develops after years of infertility and treatment (I also had IVF)

No, not everyone struggles. Mine wasn't a good sleeper, my husband walked out when she was tiny, I got made redundant when she was a toddler, but through it all, I hung out with my tiny best friend and had an amazing time.

There is hard times but far outweighed by happy times. I have a 3.5 year old and a 5 month old.

I absolutely love it (which probably explains why I’m pregnant with number 4)
Of course I’ve felt tired at times and some days have been trickier than others but I can hand on heart say that, for me, it hasn’t been difficult, relentless or that I can’t wait for it to be over.

My baby is quite tricky as she’s very clingy, doesn’t sleep much and has had feeding issues. She’s definitely the most challenging in our NCT group.

If it helps, we had a lot to IVF to have her and despite the challenges it is still fantastic, far far better than the purgatory of waiting for IVF to work.

I had 5 rounds of IVF and ended up with twins. They’re just about to turn 4.

it’s both the hardest, most challenging thing ever but also the best most rewarding thing ever. Honestly 18months - 3.5 years were totally brutal, it nearly broke us 😩

but them starting nursery on 30 hours has given us all some equilibrium and it’s much much easier and more enjoyable now.

good luck with the IVF xx