How do I get the confidence to feed baby outside of the house?

[stollen123]

All the advice I've found online related to this is about not wanting people to see your boobs but that's not what I'm worried about! I can't imagine feeding DS (4 weeks) on the move as currently we need to be propped up by loads of pillows to get the positioning right. I have pretty puny arms and get pain in my wrists from holding him up for too long and he also still regularly takes 45 mins plus to finish, which all makes the idea of feeding out the house really daunting.

He had to be hospitalised briefly for jaundice at 3 days so was very sleepy and reluctant to feed in the early days and we had to supplement with top ups plus he had a tongue tie which meant he could only breastfeed with nipple shields (and a really terrible latch!) But tongue tie got snipped at 2.5 weeks and we're now getting the hang of breastfeeding without the shields although we struggle with latching on the left and have dropped the top ups after being given the go ahead as he's gaining weight well. So we've had a few challenges with getting breastfeeding on track but I'm determined to get there and things are going well but feels like being able to leave the house for a longer trip is the next hurdle! Or maybe it's just still a bit too early for us as I know he'll get better and more efficient at feeding as he gets older... but still can't imagine how we'll manage a feed without all the pillows or a comfy chair with arms and not have it take an hour start to finish!

Any advice much appreciated

Hi @stollen123 slightly similar situation, bad latch at first, milk spraying everywhere on the let down, needed my breastfeeding pillow etc etc. Very daunting to imagine sitting in a cafe and feeding him!

Not helped by my mum telling me of the lovely lady she talked to in the John Lewis cafe who was breastfeeding her 4-day-old baby easily!!! Nevermind the fact that at 4 days postpartum I wasn't in a fit state to leave the house anyway....

I honestly took my time and just went on very short outings for the first months. Or planned a slightly longer outing but via/to relatives' houses where I knew I could disappear to a quiet room for a while.

Then I slowly found out about places that had more private areas for feeding. Ikea for example!! And went there a few times.

Now it's no longer an issue, can feed wherever. And of course other people might have gone stir crazy, not really going anywhere for months. Didn't bother me but we're in a city so everything is close anyway.

In my experience, the only way it gets easier is to just do it. There’s loads of stages to breastfeeding and there’s always a reason you could not do it, but it’s absolutely natural, and really freeing when you’ve nailed it!

I worried about it and overthought for ages, and then made myself go and do it once a day, even if it was just a local coffee shop, and after a week, the fear had gone.

We’re still feeding now, at 14 months. I’ve honestly only ever had one or two weird incidents; and nothing that bad.

Take your time – why leave the house! I’m currently enjoying a lot of TV and biscuits with my five week old.

Perhaps go for a pub lunch somewhere that you know has sofas with cushions so you can still have lots of support? Or take a nursing pillow out with you in the pram.

Other people won’t notice what you’re doing, even with pillows and such – I went out to lunch with DP last week and he said something about how nice it was to get through a meal without the baby feeding. I’d fed him twice: DP just hadn’t noticed!

It may still take a while for a while if that’s your baby’s thing, so be prepared to settle in for long feeds on park benches/changing rooms/restaurants/wherever you are. Not all
babies get more efficient.

Can you try an easier position to sustain if your arms get weak? Rugby hold maybe?

Just give it a little time. He will get better at latching on and feeding. Your arms will get stronger!

The positioning will become automatic and as he gets bigger and stronger he will move with you. If you have a pram with you, you could take a feeding pillow with you to begin with, but I think you find your own way of propping them up in time.

Everything will just get easier.

Find your local breastfeeding support group, go there even if you feel like you don't need any spefic help, feed there, get chatting to other muns about feeding whilst out

If you've got any friends that are breastfeeding ask to meet them at a cafe and once you see someone else breastfeeding it gives you a bit of confidence

Use a muslin over your shoulder/over exposed boob

Honestly it does get easier with time! I found it easier once I actually ditched the pillows!

Perhaps try quieter cafes to start with, order yourself some lunch and a tea or whatever and feed as needed and then if you are mid feed you can ask for another drink etc if it's taking a while.

Try a baby cinema showing, you can make yourself comfortable and if he needs a longish feed it won't matter.

Being out and about means that if you have to cut the feed short the movement of the buggy gets them back to sleep sharpish.

If you drive you can have pillows etc in the back of the car and download shows onto your phone to watch while feeding.

It's honestly gets easier. When I started breastfeeding it would take ages to get the right position, then eventually it just didn't, we both found our flow. That'll happen with you too. Just take your time

Thanks everyone it's really reassuring to hear other people's experiences and that it should get easier with time and practice! I've been trying out feeding him in different places around the house rather than just doing skin on skin in bed all the time (which was the advice I was given to try and get things started).

Trying out a local cafe/ pub with comfy chairs and the baby cinema screening are great ideas!

I have been going to a breastfeeding support group so will definitely keep going and try and get some more advice from other mums there.

I hope that other positions will get more easier as time goes on too - I really can't get the hang of rugby ball yet!

I never got the hang of rugby hold. Just ignore it!

I remember being in this phase so clearly. Wondering how I'd EVER be able to feed in public!

My local children's centre did a breastfeeding cafe so I used to go there. It fel like practicing in a safe space where it didn't matter if my breast was totally exposed or the baby was howling or my milk sprayed everywhere (oversupply issues). I also used to go to John Lewis which was walking distance from me and they had a parent room so if I wasn't up for feeding in the cafe I'd go there and it felt safe and somewhere to practice.

It really does get easier and believe it or not, you'll miss the days of snuggling down at home and wonder why you were in a rush to get out and about.

You're doing great. These phases pass more quickly than you know. Be kind to yourself and recognise how well you're doing. The rest will come.

How about taking a feeding pillow with you under the buggy incase you need it? Along with a rolled up cardi or something you might be able to get yourself propped up and comfy. I did this a few times with DS1 until we got the hang of it! Good on you for wanting to give it a go as well, even now with my second it’s very tempting just to stay at home.

It’s amazing how little other people actually look at you though I’ve found, so whatever you need to do to get comfy and in position, I reckon just try it! Agree with pp saying try somewhere very local first in case you want to abandon the attempt and get home. Good luck. X

Oh yes! I used to take a feeding pillow with me sometimes.

@stollen123 I fed DD for three years, not once did I feed her in the rugby ball hold, although I hear its great if you have twins. Just find what works the best for you and stick at it.

Enjoy your tiny baby, DD is 13 now, towers over me and spends 90% of her time in her room.

Hi,
Just to say that I have a 12 week old baby and similar to you feeding was very painful and slow to start with. I'd be topless constantly swapping boobs as she was so fussy. I'd say in the last 4 weeks she's gotten much more alert and stronger. Rather than me wrangling to get her latched properly she just goes for it herself now and is much quicker.
So hang in there.
Would it be an option to take a bottle out with you?

I kept a rolled up picnic blanket in the pram which I also used as a feeding pillow. It was better than those rubbish feeding pillows actually as it was much bulkier.

I would start preparing myself by practicing BFing baby at home but without the bits you’re relying on… see how you get on to build your confidence, and try in different chairs in the house, dining chair for example is going to be v similar to cafe chairs when you’re out and about. Also there are BF friendly slings that you can use which should be helpful if you’re having trouble with your strength in arms and wrists. Maybe try a few different positions with him like upright feeding.

Consider going to places nearby your house where you feel safe and comfortable in case it just doesn’t quite work and you want to go back home and you can do that quickly… then just keep trying…. Know it all gets so much easier - 1 because you’re more practiced at it and 2) because they get so much stronger.

Thanks again for all the lovely comments, I think I really needed to hear that it will get easier as time goes on. I'm trying to enjoy the process as much as I can and celebrate all the little wins along the way - him managing to latch properly for a sustained period on the left twice in 24 hours instead of only once or managing to feed him without taking my top off etc! My feeding pillow is designed to be portable so I will definitely take it with me once I make it out to feed. I'll try and find out places local to me that have a dedicated feeding area too as that might take some pressure off.

Thanks again for all the words of encouragement and support!

Ha and good to know I'm not the only one mystified by Rugby hold! I won't worry about it 😂

In terms of feeding without taking your top off...
New Look used to sell really cheap vests (£2 each - but it was ages ago) the shoulder straps and the neckline were like knicker elastic which meant you could pull it right down, which kept your stomach warm and covered.
I'd wear that under a normal t-shirt or wrap top that you can undo or lift up. That way baby has a lot of access but the clothing keeps you covered at the same time.

I found special breastfeeding clothes more hassle apart from one that I had which basically had a horizontal flap layered over the top which you just lifted up.

I didn't feed "outside of the house" until 6 weeks (so I would feed at my mum's house etc, but not "on the go"). After about 6 weeks I had the hang of it a bit more and feeds were quicker. I just planned my day around the feeds in those first few weeks. Don't force yourself to do something you don't feel happy doing in the first few weeks X

Practice! So start by practicing feeding at home like you are actually in public. Don’t choose a fed when baby is ravenously screaming for milk, choose ones that are a little calmer.

Start practicing without the pillows, try different chairs, etc. I actually found standing up and looking practicing in the mirror really helpful. A midwife recommended that to me.

I had a tough time with positions and pillows and feeling like I had to get my whole boob out for each feed for the first 3 weeks or so, but I needed to get out of the house for my sanity. It took a little practice and before long I was able to just whip baby on the boob.

Never used any feeding tops. Just a vest under my top which I would pull down under boob. Good luck!

Well done for persevering! Best thing you can do is get someone to take a picture of you feeding your baby from across the room (at home), you will quickly see that what others in a cafe will see if very different to the view you have when feeding. Also remember some people who look at you while feeding will be remembering feeding their own babies, I am guilty of this. Very few people actually have any problem with it (and are dickheads anyway) Good luck

Thanks again, I'll try not to put too much pressure on myself.

At the moment, i literally can't comprehend being at a stage where i could feed him while standing! The idea blows my mind a bit. I am totally stuck in one position.

I think also its not helping that at the moment I need to hold him in place with both hands to get the latch right so I'm literally unable to do anything else except try and keep him in position... when we were using the nipple shields I could be hands free which was great. Very excited to try and get back to that stage again but might be a bit advanced for now.

I never fed either of my DC standing up. I'm largish of chest and getting them latched on just didn't happen that easily. However I definitely did get to a stage where I could sit anywhere and just pop them on without much bother. Honestly you'll definitely get there and you are brilliant

Again fed DD for three years, never did it standing.

One of the points of breastfeeding is not only to give baby essential nutrients but to make the new mum stop and rest. Being pregnant and making a new life is physically a big deal and although those long stints may seem frustrating they serve a purpose for you too.

Get your feeding area ready, tv box, phone, drink and snacks all within reach. If you get bored of TV, download bbc sounds, listen to a comedy podcast, listen to an audio book.

If I was at home I'd feed laying on my side on my bed, it meant DD was supported in the right position and I could nap if I wanted to or prop a book up. Once they are older and easily distracted get some wireless headphones so you can watch TV without them twisting their head all the time.