How do I get the confidence to feed baby outside of the house?

[stollen123]

All the advice I've found online related to this is about not wanting people to see your boobs but that's not what I'm worried about! I can't imagine feeding DS (4 weeks) on the move as currently we need to be propped up by loads of pillows to get the positioning right. I have pretty puny arms and get pain in my wrists from holding him up for too long and he also still regularly takes 45 mins plus to finish, which all makes the idea of feeding out the house really daunting.

He had to be hospitalised briefly for jaundice at 3 days so was very sleepy and reluctant to feed in the early days and we had to supplement with top ups plus he had a tongue tie which meant he could only breastfeed with nipple shields (and a really terrible latch!) But tongue tie got snipped at 2.5 weeks and we're now getting the hang of breastfeeding without the shields although we struggle with latching on the left and have dropped the top ups after being given the go ahead as he's gaining weight well. So we've had a few challenges with getting breastfeeding on track but I'm determined to get there and things are going well but feels like being able to leave the house for a longer trip is the next hurdle! Or maybe it's just still a bit too early for us as I know he'll get better and more efficient at feeding as he gets older... but still can't imagine how we'll manage a feed without all the pillows or a comfy chair with arms and not have it take an hour start to finish!

Any advice much appreciated

Just give yourself a bit more time, as you’ve had a bumpy start. Once you get more established, it will seem less daunting and before you know it you won’t think twice, at home or out & about. It also helps when your baby gets a bit bigger and stronger and you might not need pillows etc quite so much.

Positioning was a real struggle for the first weeks - I remember exH and I studying the blurry, multiply-photocopied sheets from the hospital, trying to work it all out, and for lying down feeds, calling out to him, "come and reposition us!" when changing sides. It felt overwhelmingly hard. But then, it did all just come together at some point, we got our rhythm, and I fed DS for almost three years.

I know some people seem to be zooming around doing all sorts within days of the birth, but it's completely normal to just snuggle in at home and feed and bond with your baby, if that's what you feel like doing. The less than thrilling weather helps with that. You'll get there.

Thank you - taking time, not rushing and not feeling like I "should" be out and about all the time already are really good things to keep in mind. Also great point about using it as an opportunity to take some rest and time to recover! I am sometimes guilty of watching the clock a bit during a long feed, but it's definitely much easier if I've got something on the TV to distract me!

It 1000% gets easier and you won't need the pillows forever.

Could you take a small pillow under the buggy to use when feeding or roll up a blanket, and do so at a set location you know you can stay for an extended period, e.g. friend's house, not-too-busy coffee shop, breastfeeding support group?

But also, it's really fine to stay at home and watch TV. Get people to come to you.

Never used a rugby ball hold and I think I've done every other breastfeeding position over 3 babies and 8 years of breastfeeding!

At about eight weeks with all mine breastfeeding got substantially easier… so, hopefully that will happen. But my early experiences with my first involved Lots Of Stuff under the pram, and the John Lewis parent room, and the ikea parent room, and the shopping centre parent room. JL was my favourite - comfy chairs and water machine.

I honestly forgot I ever used a pillow when I read your post. It doesn’t last for long. I have a photo at about 8 weeks PP of me and DS having stopped on the side of a country road, sat on a wall with my knee propping him up. I took a blasé approach to feeding: my baby is crying because he is hungry, I will get my breast out to feed him, and if people insist on a cursory glance (I don’t think people really notice ime) they’ll get over it quicker than my hungry baby will wait. I did use large muslins to cover up in the early days and they’re useful for that purpose, but in the end I realised I was doing it for other people rather than for the benefit or me or baby.

Sounds like you're working really hard on your breastfeeding journey which is fab so well done there! It's not easy!

I kind of took a "fuck it" approach to be honest. First time mum (at the time), had lots of issues getting onto the breast and I just decided that I was going to feed in public, anywhere I wanted and if people had a problem with that, it was their problem and certainly not mine.

I found myself staring people out on very rare occasions, but I never had someone brazen enough to come up to me and tell me to cover up or not feed (they would have got an earful if they dared). You are protected by law so no one can tell you to do that, but I understand how daunting it can feel. I didn't use a muslin or cloth to cover cos I felt it probably got pretty hot under there for baby, but there's loads of discreet clothes and things you can get if that is helpful for you.

I used to feed at cafe tables, picnic tables etc so I could use that to support my arm.
Also try experimenting with crossing your legs or having one leg crossed but lying flat across the other (so that your ankle is resting on your thigh) - I found these sorts of positions could help adjust the angle the baby was lying at in a similar way to pillows.
Word of warning if feeding in the car though. Don't do what I did. Got in the rear seat as there was more space than in the driver's seat. Completely forgot we'd recently activated the child locks. Had to try and climb from the rear seats over the massive central storage console and squeeze my way into a front seat to get out 😆

Update: I had my first feeding outside the house experience today, totally by accident! Went for a walk with a friend and her dog and had planned to give him a feed an hour before but he was very sleepy this morning so didn't feed for long. Then of course just when we got to the park he started jamming his fist in his mouth. I was planning to rush home but my friend said "why don't you feed him on a bench?" So I gave it a go and it went well, despite having no props, having to keep him tucked into his fleecy wrap and not having a vest on under my top. Aside from my friends dog being overly interested and having to be taken away ha. It was lucky that it was time to feed him on my right breast which is the one he's better on but even so, it's massively boosted my confidence. If the baby needs to eat, he needs to eat and I'll have to find a way to feed him even without props and home comforts! Thanks for all the support. Next challenge is trying to fix his latch on the left and then we'll be rolling...

@stollen123 lovely update, I’m glad it gave you a boost!

That’s great OP! So pleased for you