Ds going to school alone

[SpinningFloppa]

DS is in year 6 he is 11 in March, he is scared to travel to and from school alone. He already goes to the local shop alone and sometimes walks home alone from the park (he doesn’t go to the park alone but if I take younger siblings and he wants to go home he will walk home) both are 5 mins walk away from our house. However school is another issue and he won’t go alone (it’s a 15/20 mins walk however we usually get the bus) this week I have had horrendous flu and only just starting to feel better so have the younger children so haven’t been in school, however DS has been fine so I’m theory should have been at school but I was unable to get him there as I wasn’t well enough. At his age he should have been able to go alone and most of his class do. How can I help him get confident to travel to school alone as he will need to do this soon anyway? The bus literally stops outside our door and literally outside his school and I see children in his class doing the journey alone. (Ds was under assessment for asd but he would be HF and definitely able to travel alone it’s more of a confidence/ anxiety issue)

Why does he have to do it soon? Dd1 is 12 and starting high school soon and I'll be taking/collecting her still as that's what she wants.

My ds was the same. Some dcs take longer to feel confident than others.

Do you take him on the bus? Have you rehearsed it? Does he know how to pay? Does he have a school pass? Does he know where to get off? Does he have a phone so he can call you if he gets stuck or gets scared?

Small steps, when catching the bus get him to do it independently, so he sits by himself (with a book/phone/friends) gets on and off independently and you hang back, so say bye at home and then that's it. If walking, walk further back or on otherside of road, if he has a phone you can send him a smiley face or thumbs up along the way. Start with 1 journey a day then increase but once you start don't stop. In the holidays start walking/bus to his new school with him but again he has to pay his own bus fare (unless group ticket) he will get their.
is their any friend he can call for or meet up along the way?

I guess you don't drive, so can't do 2 drop off/pick ups. September is months away and he might all of a sudden grow in confidence especially when the weather gets warmer and lighter

Sorry I should have said he doesn’t say why. We are in London so he doesn’t need to pay, he isn’t allowed to take a phone to school he is primary so that isn’t an option, I will not be taking him in secondary as I can’t I have smaller children so not possible. Yes we get the bus together, I’m not saying he has to but he’s missed quite a few days off school because I’ve been unwell so it would have been nice for him to go given most his class travel alone and he didn’t need to miss the days off but I’ve been too unwell to take him.

Yes the key is WHY. Is he being bullied, or is it still dark when he goes? Is he anxious about other things? Is he worried about crossing the street or getting lost (my daughter can get lost going around the block 😁). I would approach the subject gently, not saying 'you should' but asking and then listening carefully to his reasons. They may sound insignificant to you but don't dismiss them, they are obviously causing a big issue for him. If you can find out tte reason you can figure out how to help him deal with it.
You should also try and get a back up plan for your other kids if for any reason you are unable to take them to school - another parent from school etc, a reciprocal type arrangement.

They are 8 and 5

Does anyone else travel that route ?

What consequences does he face for this?

I mean anyone else from school.

He doesn’t face consequences why would he?

they are not in school I’ve already explained we have all been sick except for ds.

Because he is refusing to go to school

Not people he is friends with or talks to, we see other kids from his school but he doesn’t know them

If he’s autistic, chances are he may not be ready. My y6 dd isn’t, neither is my y8 dd.

When he starts secondary school, his siblings might have to go to breakfast club etc so you can take him to school too? Or if he can’t get the bus you may be able to apply to the LA for a taxi to transport him.

The bus is a huge deal for some autistic kids. Sensory issues, uncertainties, rigid thinking about timings, all feed into anxiety. Putting pressure on him is just going to increase the anxiety and make him feel unsafe. He needs to know you have his back.

If you back off and allow him to do this in his own time, he may well decide for himself that he wants to try, to catch the bus with his friends etc

This just isn’t true. Round here very few year sixes catch a bus alone.

I explained the situation, ds school offer nothing if parents are too unwell to bring kids in. They offer no alternative, I don’t punish him as like I said it isn’t deliberate he is suffering from anxiety but I need to work out how to go forward as he is going to have to travel alone soon (he won’t qualify for transport)

It does seem a little excessive that he's so scared of going somewhere he knows, using a route he knows, for a few days, that he's actually refused to go to school.
I'd be digging a little deeper to see if it's something at the school rather than the getting there which is worrying him.

After that, you will need to start gently encouraging independence, especially as come September he won't be in the same school as his siblings and so presumably will have to go on his own.

I think public transport in London is a bit intimidating tbh, particularly buses full of rowdy schoolchildren. I grew up in London and lived there my whole life until last year and I would not have been comfortable with a 10 year old unaccompanied on the bus. There's a big difference between Y6 and Y7.

No, schools would expect parents to sort this for themselves, eg by asking a friend or neighbour to do the school drop off and collection, or paying for a cab. The only involvement the school would need to be aware of is another person collecting the child rather than the parent.