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Original poster

Fighting with 7 year-old daughter over food everyday

42 replies

Denisse37 · 22/01/2023 05:21

Hi All,
I’m here looking for advice because I don’t know what else to do.
I have a 7 year-old daughter and we fight EVERY day because all she wants to do is eat… I’m overweight and I have struggled with it my whole life and I don’t want her to go through the same.
I have never talked to her about body image, every time I have to say no to her about snacking all day is always from a health perspective (ex. Preventing cavities, having a healthy heart, having strong muscles).
But at this stage I feel like I don’t have any fight left in me… and I feel like saying: Whatever! Eat what you want, I don’t care…

Has anyone dealt with this before?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Onceuponatime56 · 22/01/2023 05:27

My first thought was, is she hungry? What are you feeding her at meals and snacks, is it big enough/filling enough?
Secondly, I’d look at if it could be due to boredom or habit. Have a strict routine of breakfast at 8am, snack at 10am, lunch at 12.30, snack at 3pm and dinner at 5.30pm. This will help her to know when she’ll be eating and hopefully she’ll learn to not to ask in between. If she does ask tell her it’s not snack/lunch time yet but will be soon. Offer an alternative of a game to distract her.

Sleepless1096 · 22/01/2023 05:59

First, I'd look at whether she's getting enough protein. Then I'd look at whether she is bored. We all snack more if we're bored or sitting around the house lots, and your DD won't be an exception to this. At school she will have a routine and be busy, but at home maybe she needs to get out and about more/do some weekend and holiday activities to take her mind off food.

After that, I'd let her eat as much as she wants at snack times (one morning, one afternoon) but otherwise tell her to wait for snacks/meals. I'd also only have boring/healthy food in the house, apart from the occasional treat. If she wants to eat, then she can eat fruit, porridge, wholemeal toast, low sugar cereals with milk, cheese, peanut butter on crackers or oat cakes, houmous, carrot sticks, cut up veggies etc. She'll probably stop asking so much if there are only 'boring' options available!!

SpaceMonitor · 22/01/2023 06:22

I disagree with the posters above. I don’t think a 7 year old needs two snacks per day as well as 3 meals.

OP, tell us what an average days food looks like and we can give some more useful advice.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

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DrMarciaFieldstone · 22/01/2023 06:24

Are you eating the same food as her?

Original poster

Denisse37 · 22/01/2023 06:36

Thanks all for your reply. She is definitely eating enough during meals, plenty of proteins and veges. And she is definitely eating out of boredom.
We tent to eat healthy at home as I’m on my own journey of loosing weight.
In her lunch box I put fruits, veges (carrot sticks, celery sticks) small pack of raising, sandwich, oat bar, things like that…
and when it comes to snacking, I would offer her fruit mainly, or a piece of whole mail toast with peanut butter… but she never wants that, she wants another oat bar and raisins or cheese. But not just one piece of cheese, she always comes back for more and more and more… and that’s when the fighting occurs.

I work full time and after I get home I have to start doing chores, so I don’t have a lot of spare time to distract her. She does gymnastics once a week and she is relatively active and she is not overweight but not thin either…

OP posts:

freezingpompoms · 22/01/2023 06:40

What sort of meals do you have?

Carrots and celery sticks aren't much of a snack especially when it's cold. Toast and peanut butter is nice though. Can you alternate that and fruit toast or a hot cross bun or crumpets?

freezingpompoms · 22/01/2023 06:41

Also presumably this is just a weekend and school holiday issue as she's at school the rest of the time?

Onceuponatime56 · 22/01/2023 07:01

I would say spend some of the time together when you get home, either get her to help you do chores or just set aside half the time to spend time together. It could be a way of getting your attention

Sleepless1096 · 22/01/2023 07:07

I'd remove the food that is causing the issue. So only have enough oat bars and raisins for lunchboxes and put them away out of sight. What cheese does your DD like? If it's babybels or cheese strings, I'd say those are just for lunch boxes and just have a block of plain, strong cheddar in the fridge for snacks. If she's hungry, she'll eat fruit or toast. Otherwise, tell her to wait for the next meal and, if she keeps moaning at you, do whatever you'd generally do if she misbehaves.

Original poster

Denisse37 · 22/01/2023 07:20

Yes, the issues are after school, during the holidays and on the weekends.
Basically anytime she is not at school.

OP posts:

Original poster

Denisse37 · 22/01/2023 07:23

You might be right… but whenever I try to get her to do things with me she never wants. She want more screen time (which is limited) and that’s another separate fight with her…

OP posts:

Sucessinthenewyear · 22/01/2023 07:25

Is she getting enough carbs? Growing children need carbs and fat.

primeoflife · 22/01/2023 07:27

The trouble is there are so few calories in veggies that carrots and celery aren't going to fill her up.

Is she overweight at the moment or are you projecting your own worries on her?

Sleepwalkingintothewall · 22/01/2023 07:29

Is she eating at school? My DD chats too much and apparently only eats a mouthful before the end of the break and then comes home starving!

As pp suggests I'd remove all the foods that you aren't happy with her having. Give her a protein full snack after school.

Can she tell the time well? If not work on that because with my DD (also 7) I often have to remind her she can't eat toast at 5:30 when dinner is at 6 so she has to just wait!

Having said that it doesn't sound like her diet is awful, maybe she's just going through a spurt?

freezingpompoms · 22/01/2023 07:35

What happens after school? I feed mine the minute they get off the bus as otherwise they want to snack. I appreciate this won't work for everyone.

JudesBiggestFan · 22/01/2023 07:41

In my opinion, you're being way too controlling. I have three boys, aged 5,11 and 13 and the amount they all eat in a day is startling. All healthy, normal weights and the older two are very sporty. No fillings between them. I am extremely relaxed about food and snacking...I really think kids need to learn how to moderate themselves. Otherwise they get older/to the teenage years and go wild once they have can access junk food for themselves. I'm overweight myself but I do blame my upbringing for that. My mom was always in a diet - Rosemary Conley, the Cambridge Diet - and food was always a thing in our house. Snacks were hidden away, permission had to be sought, there was a lot of emotion around food - it was good or bad. All that really messes up your relationship with food. As a result, I've gone the other way. I provide three square meals a day, if they say they're hungry outside of those times, then fine. Have a biscuit, have a bag of crisps, have some fruit toast, have a pitta bread and hummus, have some grapes. They all have totally free access. Some days they eat loads, others less...but we all need to listen to our bodies and treat food like a fuel, not something illicit. It's so hard to change as an adult. I feel sorry for kids who have to beg for food - if she says she's hungry, believe her!

Fullrecoveryispossible · 22/01/2023 07:46

From someone who has recovered from an eating disorder…please do not make a big thing about this. Hopefully she is unaware that you are trying to lose weight, as that in itself sends some dangerous messages to a child about body image and food. Making her feel guilt or shame (which is what you will be doing if you cause an issue when she asks for more) will teach her very unhealthy habits around food, and make it an emotional thing. If she wants food, let her have it! Give her access to a snack box filled with filling, nutritious but tasty foods that she can access whenever she is hungry. And make sure she is full after each meal.

babysoupdragon2 · 22/01/2023 07:53

You sound like you're projecting your food issues. She will pick up that she is constantly being restricted, which makes food more desirable. Some kids will need more food than others.

If she's bored, can you increase after school clubs? More play dates? Is she overweight?

Flowersonthewall123 · 22/01/2023 07:55

I would change this away from food as PP have said and another eating disorder recover here.

Sounds like she needs to know the routine. At school they tend to have routine up in the morning (literacy, break, science, lunch etc). Does she enjoy knowing this?

Her boredom might be due to not knowing what’s coming how much time until her next meal. Can you have a set routine for after school, holidays and weekends?

Design it together, add in snack times and say as a family you’re going to stick to this. If more snacks are mention just say oh I think we have enough nutrients planned for today, you can have s drink or we can do x,yz

SmileWithADimple · 22/01/2023 08:17

I agree with @JudesBiggestFan. It would be different if she was actually overweight, but she's not, so maybe these are your issues? I'm also overweight (and my brother is obese) after a childhood of no treats.

freezingpompoms · 22/01/2023 08:46

Is it worse now the weather is freezing as I'm not over weight and eat healthily but now it's cold I'm definitely laying down my fat stores like a bird! And I'm not reaching for any crudités, it's all high fat items.

Original poster

Denisse37 · 22/01/2023 08:51

Hi, thanks for your input!
To some extend you all might be right. I’m aware that I don’t have a healthy relationship with food, otherwise I wouldn’t be in the position that I am at the moment and it’s hard to teach her something I don’t know myself.
I’m making a big deal out of my own weight loss journey. I have never said to her that I want to lose weight to look skinnier. I have never said anything to her about it. But she has obviously picked up that I have changed my eating habits and that I’m going for walks, etc. We go for walks together often.
And yes, I could be projecting my issues onto her. But I don’t think any parent would want their kids to go through the same as they did, in my case was growing up being overweight.

She eats plenty of everything. For example tonight she had a plate (generous serving) of pasta bolognese, then she had small pudding as dessert… then 20 min later she comes back wanting a snack. She can’t be hungry… and I feel like rubbish saying no all the time.

Thanks for the suggestions to make a schedule together. I’ll give it a go.

OP posts:

Havehope21 · 22/01/2023 08:55

Hi OP - do you know of Charlotte Stirling Reed? She is an amazing nutritionist specialising in babies and children. I would check out her website and follow her on facebook / instagram (the instagram is particularly good). There is also a group of facebook you might like to join for additional support. Good luck.

Mariposista · 22/01/2023 09:12

Keep saying no. and again. and again. and again. As many times as you need to.

musicexport · 22/01/2023 09:13

I grew up in a house where both parents had a weight problem and they were desperate for me to not have those issues. Food was so strictly regulated that as soon as I got my first Saturday job, I'd buy (and secretly eat) loads of sweets. Years later, I do now have my own weight problem and I have a very uneven relationship with food.

My suggestion? Don't buy any kind of junk but just have lots of good, healthy snacks - little bags of fruit, veg, light babybels, even unsweetened popcorn (you can do your own with a tiny bit of oil), make your own healthy flapjacks etc and then stop the daily battle. Let her graze and just keep an eye on her weight. It's possible that if all the pressure is taken off, this might just resolve itself.

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