Fighting with 7 year-old daughter over food everyday

[Denisse37]

Hi All,
I’m here looking for advice because I don’t know what else to do.
I have a 7 year-old daughter and we fight EVERY day because all she wants to do is eat… I’m overweight and I have struggled with it my whole life and I don’t want her to go through the same.
I have never talked to her about body image, every time I have to say no to her about snacking all day is always from a health perspective (ex. Preventing cavities, having a healthy heart, having strong muscles).
But at this stage I feel like I don’t have any fight left in me… and I feel like saying: Whatever! Eat what you want, I don’t care…

Has anyone dealt with this before?

From a small child into adulthood I would eat all the time if the opportunity arose, I was skinny but just needed food. In my teens I would get dizzy if I didn’t eat enough.
My granddaughter is also a grazer and her snacks are usually fruit.
As long as your child is getting a balanced diet try and relax, which isn’t easy as you are on your own food journey

@Havehope21 and @musicexport great advise! I’ll give it a try.

Could it be a case of because she knows she cannot have it she wants it even more? Could it be a growth spurt? As long as the snacks are healthy and assuming she s not eating out of boredom and gets plenty of exercise I would ease off a little bit about making such a thing about food.

I think give her relatively free reign to eat but only have healthy stuff around. If you have snacks in just for lunchboxes put them away somewhere safe.

I'm often hungry soon after healthy and substantial and carb and protein filled meals.

We had similar with our DS abs it turned out that he wasn't eating the right balance of foods.

We read a guide from the Caroline Walker Trust and swapped a few things around. It might be worth reading that?

I don't think gymnastics once a week is enough exercise either.

Could you do things that would benefit you both like trying tubing or going swimming at the weekends?

I'm also one who thinks it's possible she's genuinely hungry, or at least peckish. She's growing, afterall, she needs calories.

I'm a healthy weight and snack a lot, on cheese, toast, tomatoes, whatever's around that I fancy. It's only being in environments with low exercise and lots of cake and chocolate that makes me gain weight. My body seems fine at regulating itself otherwise, and hers may be the same.

Is it possible to speak to a nutritionalist? I think having weight issues would mean it's harder to stay calm and not react to far the other way.

And food limitations can cause kind of panic to set in, if you know you'll not be able to get food when you're hungry. I struggled to manage my eating when I worked on a summer camp and we could only eat the summer camp meals - I felt I had to have a massive portion because if I got hungry later I would be able to get food.

*Would not be able to get food

And yes, I could be projecting my issues onto her. But I don’t think any parent would want their kids to go through the same as they did, in my case was growing up being overweight

Is she currently overweight though?

I'd be firmer saying no to be honest. I tell my kids they have had enough sometimes as there are some things they would literally eat till they pop / puke.

i genuinely think that you're projecting your own issues onto her op, any food limitations can be detrimental to a childs mental health, i think you're putting so much value on healthy foods that she probably thinks she has to get the 'unhealthy' foods as much as she can before they get forbidden, also her lunch doesn't sound very filling, veg sticks and healthy bread won't fill her up, i think you need to be cautious before she ends up going the other way

Remember a healthy diet for your daughter will be a different balance of macronutrients than a healthy diet for an adult trying to lose weight, as she needs to get everything she needs to grow.

My kids have among other things sensory processing disorder and food has always been a big issue but I've learnt to pick my battles.
My children have the worst diets I've ever seen.Too many sweet things,far too many carbs,little protein and sugar coming out of their ears.
But they see a dietitian regularly and both are perfectly in proportion and amaze the dietitian with this when she reviews what they are eating 🤷‍♀️
Pick your battles is what I say.

Have a look at a book called Kids Carrots and Candy. Restricting food is a fast track route to overeating and weight problems in later life. This book offers a different approach.

My dd eats constantly, she's fairly tiny but eats bug bills of for example spag bol then pudding and may have toast an hour later. The lunch you describe wouldn't nearly fill her,she needs more carbs and protein than that. What dies your daughter eat for breakfast? Snacks in school?

I would have a snack box (we do) then fill with yogurt, cheese, fruit, screen bars etc and let her choose whenever she likes and see how that goes.

This

restricting food leads to bingeing, which then sets up a binge restrict cycle. I’d look up intuitive eating. If she’s craving cheese she’s probably not getting enough calcium. Fruit on its own gives a sugar rush and then a crash so you’d be better giving her some cheese or something with it. Definitely no low fat versions. Kids need fat in their diet

When does she get to eat things like cake and crisps? Obviously they shouldn't be with every meal, but oat bars and fruit sound a bit worthy all the time. You say she had a small pudding, but not what it was, so hard to gauge. Sticking only to healthy items will lead to cravings and probably secret eating. My mum used to buy enough snack bars for me to have one a day in packed lunches. I learned the first time that if I helped myself to more they didn't magically replenish!