DP told crying 4 year old: “You won’t have any more treats ever if you don’t stop now”

[Charlatan109]

We’d been to see a panto. It was fairly fun, quite long but with an interval. 4yo had eaten ice cream, small pack of wine gums, lolly and had been on stage with about 80 other kids from the audience at the end. After we left she wanted something from the theatre gift shop (I said no, the shop is closed-it was), then a comic from the newsagents we walked past (again I said no, come on, let’s go to the car). She started crying, stomping her foot. I leant down and tried to reason and say she’d seen a show and that was really good so a comic as well is too much.
DP (her dad) steps in and just picks her up and starts walking and said to her “You’ll have no more treats ever if you don’t stop now”.
I think this is a really pointless and horrible thing to say to her. Because it’s just so negative, totally unenforceable and isn’t clear what she needs to stop doing. She cried for another 10 mins or so walking to the car and in her seat.
Although DP did move the situation along, I think how he acted was unreasonable.
Do you agree or not?
Is there anything I could/should say to DP to address this? He hates confrontation and tends to dismiss/minimise emotions rather than confront issues or discuss things to resolve them.
Do you think this is a reasonable thing to say to a child?

I always used to tell our children that I'd slice off their heads if they didn't shut up.
Obviously I didn't mean out and I didn't do it.

Oh ffs really 🙄

Well it’s not going to work as a long term parenting strategy of course because it’s unrealistic but it’s not the end of the world in the heat of the moment. Kids are frustrating sometimes and we can’t be perfect 100% of the time.

I think if you’re upset about this it’s probably not a one off?

I suppose you're just reading more into the language than I am. The overall tone of the OP doesn't come across to me like she's hopping mad and desperate to give him a dressing down.

I'm not really sure what your second paragraph was all about or if it was directed at me because I can't see how anything I said would contradict that. You said "don't say anything to your husband" and I just think that's an odd position, not to be able to discuss it whatsoever. That was my point.

It’s a bit daft to say she won’t ever have anymore treats as that’s obviously not true and won’t help the situation but equally it’s not the worst thing he could have said and we’ve all been there!

oohhhhhh be careful. Some of the soppy MNers will say 'you have used abusive threats and the kids will be mentally scarred for life by fear of their murderous mother' hahahaha
I bet your kids aren't bratty though haha

You're being ridiculous and precious. Move on OP.

I can't remember the exact words but I guarantee I have said things like 'I will tell you to stay in your bedroom till your 400' or 'you are not having your ipad for 50 million years' and my husband as well

And other 'gems', it happens

It really depends on whether it’s a one-off – which we’ve all done, especially as trying to think of an enforceable, logical consequence is sometimes impossible so you end up blurting something ridiculous – or whether he does it all the time so your DD gets used to “threats = never followed up on”. DP is a monster for this and it’s a constant low-level squabble between us: eg nearing the end of a long journey to a holiday he’ll do “stop [behaviour] or we’re going home, no holiday” – without any intention of turning around and travelling seven hours back again, let alone that such a thing would punish us all and be out of proportion to DC’s minor crimes of being a bit annoying.

Your DDprobably won’t remember the threat because there are all the memories of the ice cream, show, random sequin in the pocket, a funny cloud they saw, etc.

I hope the OP has read these posts, although I am not expecting them to post again. I hope the OP is going to take some of this criticism on board. Because this is a child that could rock up in my classroom one day - or someone elses.

It always made them laugh.
They knew jolly well that I wasn't going to do it.

Literally

I was all ready to say he was very I unreasonable and shouldn’t make ridiculous threats (and indeed he shouldn’t threaten things like ‘no treats ever’ as that’s unrealistic) but on this occasion, I don’t think his way of dealing with it was wrong. At that point (tired, stroppy, over emotional after an exciting day) she did just need picking up and moving, rather than speeches and reasoning with.

So, talk to him about the unrealistic threats if you must, but also stop to appreciate that sometimes different dynamics and approaches in parenting are valuable.

Really? 🤦🏻‍♀️

I say this to my son all the time. If you think this is going to scar her for life or damage her mental health, you really need to get a life! 🙄😂

Another who’s done it before and now that they’re older has had similar not the best moments threatening to take away screens. Not rational to do but unfortunately there we go. Had dh mentioned it after I’d have rolled my eyes at him

Also, you've pumped her with sugar and excitement all afternoon.

It was never going to end well was it, with a 4 year old!! 😂😂😂

#liveandlearn