I don't find my baby cute

[Rosie2207]

I feel absolutely awful writing this and completely understand if I receive criticism for doing so, but I don’t find my baby cute at all. I’m really worried that her looks are going to hold her back in life as I was (and still am) very ugly without make up and know the huge difference make up made, in terms of how people treated me. Not one person has said she is sweet, cute or beautiful since being born (she’s 3 months old now), whereas everyone used to say it about our eldest daughter who is now 3. It makes me feel nervous to go out and about with her as I feel people are looking at her and thinking she’s funny looking. I still love her and am giving her as much attention as I did for my eldest daughter, I just wanted to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience as I know it’s a very taboo topic to say you don’t find your own child cute.

Has anyone experienced the same thing and as they've grown up, they still haven't found them cute/beautiful but have managed to develop a strong bond? I'm really hoping it's won't affect me bonding long term.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful either, as I know how desperate so many people are for their own child, but these are my honest thoughts.

OP. Are you sure there's nothing else going on? How's your mental health doing ? To be fair, at three months a lot of babies look odd. Nothing to worry about. Why do looks matter anyway?

This sounds like it says more about you than it does about her, if you see what I mean. Like you're projecting all your insecurities and negative feelings about your own looks on to her. I think the best thing you can do is find some way to give yourself some more love. And I don't necessarily mean in'learning to see yourself as beautiful' - why are women expected to only find worth in their looks? I know we've been 'possessions' for millennia but these days are looks are not our worth.

I've never been beautiful, I have seldom drawn any male attention (although a few guys have found me very attractive, including DH, but there's no accounting for taste!); I don't think I'm beautiful but I don't care, that's not where my value lies. Don't fear that DD is going have to compensate if she is not pretty - it's nothing to have to compensate for, no woman owes it to the world.

I don't know if it will help but years ago my friend gave birth to a very
ugly baby and when a few of us first went round we all looked in the pram and stunned silence , eventually someone stuttered isn't he lovely . No he wasn't but
he has turned into a very handsome young man . He got far better looking than his 'cute baby 'older brother in the end . Your baby could well be that swan aswell.

They all pretty much look like aliens. I wouldn't worry OP and please don't be so hard on yourself!

I honestly wouldn't give her looks a second thought but I would be worried about your perception of yourself. I just want to gently say that if carry that perception of yourself in front of your girls it might negatively impact on them. I'm really conscious of it myself as I always gave myself a hard time. Be kind to yourself!

Even if she does remain ugly people remember how you make them feel not what you look like.

Mental health has been up and down as I feel so guilty for thinking this about my own child, but I can't help that this is what I feel/think when I look at her. I feel like looks matter as I used to look a certain way, didn't get any attention, life was pretty average, then I started to wear make up, do my hair, fake tan.. and suddenly life became easier, people wanted to be my friend, boys wanted to date me. It sounds superficial but growing up this proved to me that looks do matter and make a big difference in terms of how you're treated by the outside world. So I feel worried that my daughter is initially going to be at a disadvantage. A lot of people say babies this young can be funny looking, but I've been to a lot of different baby groups with her and I honestly find 99% of the babies there cute, except for mine. So I'm not someone who usually thinks this about babies. She's pale, has really small eyes, a huge nose and quite droopy features, so I worry these aren't things that will drastically improve over time

Her being an ‘ugly’ baby shouldn’t affect your bond anyway, why would it? It sounds like you could be having some trouble with your mental health, and that’s not your fault, I’d speak to your GP about it.

Just to add, most babies are ugly! And then they grow into their features, your baby will be beautiful, they don’t look like squishy aliens forever.

My baby looked very funny at 3 months, I too, was slightly embarrassed 😂somebody even told me ‘she’s and ugly little thing, isn’t she’ . She then looked incredibly cute from 6months plus. At 2 she was gorgeous, people would stop and comment on her and now, she is now incredibly beautiful at 15.

It doesn’t really matter what anybody thinks of your baby at 3 months or even 3 years. Just enjoy having her, love her and what will be will be.

I have a friend who is, objectively, a bit funny looking, but she is also one of the most attractive people I know. Her smile is like a sunbeam and everyone is drawn to her. Her face is distinctive and it's just very, her.
Wait to see who she is, she'll grow into her own person and then you will adore her.
Right now she's a baby without all the personality which is yet to emerge and you're projecting your own experience and difficulties onto her.
Try to distract yourself when you find these thoughts piping into your head. Enjoy her laughs and notice her developments and ask the good things to come.

My son looked like a little frog for the first few months and now is as handsome as ever at 3! Don't worry about it.

Honestly, as long as baby is happy and healthy that's all that matters. Don't worry about her looks. I've got a picture of my DD, from when she was about a month old and she looked like a frog but as she got older she grew into her looks. She's still little, give her some time to grow into her resitúese. Most very small babies look like aliens at first tbh.

OP - I’ve seen lots of ugly babies grow up to be gorgeous toddlers/children/teenagers/adults.

Often the things that make them look ‘weird’ end up being their most attractive feature.

as for the make up stuff- I think that is true for everyone - even people who are traditionally pretty. For example, so many striking actresses avoid hassle or being recognised just by not putting make up on and wearing jeans and a hoody!

My son was a very funny looking baby 😂 he was chunky with a bulldog nose and a receding hairline. I found him cute, but not in the traditional way. I remember feeling embarrassed when people wanted to see him. He was a gorgeous toddler though and is pretty handsome at 13 if I say so myself.

My daughter was and is gorgeous. However her sister was a late bloomer too 😂 I think she's lovely now though. It is silly because I'm expecting #4 and worried she'll be ugly! But qué Cera. ❤️ They all have their own physical quirks and amazing personalities.

People don’t complement second babies as much.
I was definitely more realistic about my second child’s looks but then he was born with a hairy face like a monkey. He improved.

One of mine also took a while to grow in to his looks 🤣

It's not a major issue, if she's still ugly grown up she'll learn to rely on things other than her looks anyway so has better odds of being a more interesting person. Besides, plenty of people aren't conventionally beautiful but are still striking which can be just a good or better.

@hattie43 a friend of mine also had a baby that wasn't very attractive. He's 12 now and actually quite good looking now. It's an absolute myth that all babies are cute.

Ah my baby looked like a potato. He honestly was an odd little thing until about 6 months, he is honestly the most beautiful little boy now. All wide eyes and smiles. But wow he was not a looker a few years back. He also had terrible baby acne and very sensitive skin so would have dry patches and rashes and red blotches bless him.

Lots of babies look weird, my friend had a little boy who was tiny and when I picked him up at about a week old it was like picking up a large rat (sorry but it was!). He’s lovely now!

Your daughter won’t be ugly because no one is ugly. We are who we are. I doubt you are ugly either, clearly at least one man doesn’t believe so!

Look after yourself OP and maybe reach out to someone if you’re struggling x

I won't lie, when I was a baby, family called me Frankenbaby because I had a huge forehead. I still have a big head. I won't lie, my daughters head enlarged a bit before she was a year old too. I personally don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of my looks, I don't pretend to be pretty. What I did care about was people making up nicknames about my looks, and I remember them throughout my childhood. So that's one thing I suggest avoiding. It sticks. I've seen children who would probably be seen as 'ugly' become otherwise. It's like the ugly duckling to swan effect.

I bet if you posted a picture of her loads of people here would say how cute she is! I think you'd benefit from some therapy, you sound down. I hope you feel better soon

I am not attractive physically but my husband adores me.
I don't think you should place so much value on looks. People's personalities are far more important.

Honestly, as you know makeups can literally alter a person's image completely. I don't think you shall be bothered with it too much. With a bit skill, she would learn to take control of that aspect.

Being pretty at young years doesn't necessarily lead to nice looking at later years. A lot of kids look really really cute when they were little, but once hit puberty, the features change so much that nothing is guaranteed.

There's not much you can do to change it. The best way to love her is to teach her inner beauty and teach her self respect and teach her life is so much more than how you look. The kind of happiness rooted from inside is the most long lasting one. She will be fine.

Looks are only skin deep.

Ah , sorry I do need to point out, feature change can go the other way too. My DS2 hates looking back at photos when he was under 1. I think he's too proud to accept he looked really ugly back then, with really heavy jaundice colour in the beginning too. But he looks ordinarily cute at age 3.

I was told “ never mind ugly duckings can become Swans” by a fellow anti-natal mum.

So funny and rude looking back. A normal (beautiful but biased ) adult now.

Enjoy your lovely baby. They all look a bit funny whilst young.

I agree with the others, but also don't want to dismiss you entirely. Unusual facial features could be a sign of a genetic variation, and it might be worth expressing your concerns about her facial features to a GP, say you don't think she looks like other babies her age, and there is something off about her features and asking if they think she has any markers for anything. They may agree to do a microarray. Many mild chromosome disorders aren't ever even picked up, but often have facial features like small or droopy eyes, big or small noses etc