I don't find my baby cute

[Rosie2207]

I feel absolutely awful writing this and completely understand if I receive criticism for doing so, but I don’t find my baby cute at all. I’m really worried that her looks are going to hold her back in life as I was (and still am) very ugly without make up and know the huge difference make up made, in terms of how people treated me. Not one person has said she is sweet, cute or beautiful since being born (she’s 3 months old now), whereas everyone used to say it about our eldest daughter who is now 3. It makes me feel nervous to go out and about with her as I feel people are looking at her and thinking she’s funny looking. I still love her and am giving her as much attention as I did for my eldest daughter, I just wanted to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience as I know it’s a very taboo topic to say you don’t find your own child cute.

Has anyone experienced the same thing and as they've grown up, they still haven't found them cute/beautiful but have managed to develop a strong bond? I'm really hoping it's won't affect me bonding long term.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful either, as I know how desperate so many people are for their own child, but these are my honest thoughts.

I remember when Katie Price had princess. There was lots of talk of her being ugly. So much so that she publicly responded to it. The same with Liz Hurley’s son Damien. I think it’s fair to say neither of them are ugly by anyone’s standards. Quite the opposite.

I get it. I found my dd very odd looking for several months after she was born. Not remotely feminine looking, just a tiny grimacing Phil Mitchell lookalike. I could tell that friends and family were surprised by her looks as well, but obviously I loved her to bits and it didn't matter to me. Well she's 4yo now and very cute. She grew hair, just like she grew into her features. Although I'd love her nonetheless if she still looked like a mitchell brother.

I wouldn’t worry. My first DD was a very cute baby. Born with a full head of hair that grew into ringlets. My second DD was the spitting image of Winston Churchill at age 70. Bald, chunky, squashed face, drooled a lot. All she needed was a big cigar.

But second DD became just as cute & sweet a child as her sister.
So do not worry, it takes some babies time to grow into their features.

OP , it is okay to think your baby isn’t beautiful or even ugly. It is worrying to think your baby’s looks will affect your bond with her. I am conventionally very attractive and was a professional model. I was never attractive enough for my mother, whose love for me was very connected to my weight and appearance. It was incredibly hurtful and we are very low contact. Please talk to someone because your child will sense if your bond is conditioned on their appearance.

Don't worry OP, you will know that there is so much more to love than how someone looks. You can love your child to the moon and back, even if they have a face only a mother can love 😂not all children are pretty/cute. Some improve with time, some turn nice looking as teenagers, or adults, some don't. Some may be lovely looking children and then ugly adults (depending of course how you define beauty). You can still love your child just the same and be a good mother which I'm sure you are.

There was a thread like this last year I thibk and loads of mums said how their babies looked like they'd been walloped with an ugly stick. Babies just take time to grow into their faces.

You are NOT a bad mum, please don't feel guilty! Please DO take really good care of yourself and if you're feeling low, please please speak to your HV or GP or family. You're in the middle of a tough time hormonal while dealing with a new baby x

As long as doctors have no concerns try not to worry too much. My ex was very handsome but he was such an ugly baby that his father's first words upon seeing him were "No matter what it costs, we'll fix it"

Not the thread I was thinking of but hopefully you'll find it reassuring and it will cheer you up anyway!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4607514-does-anyone-think-there-baby-isnt-cute

I don’t know how to phrase this in a ‘nice’ way but you need to speak to somebody before your obsession/issues around physical appearance ends up damaging your daughter.

In real life very few people are genuinely ‘ugly.’ Most people are basically ok looking. But feeling anxious to take your baby out because she’s ‘not cute’ is not a normal train of thought.

You also need help with your thoughts around whether it’s possible to still build a strong bond. It implies that you feel, or think you feel, a strong bond with your eldest because she is conventionally attractive, and think it is a given that you’ll feel less attached to the less good looking child. This again is not a normal way of thinking and must be dealt with before it damages your child.

I bet I’d find her cute. I work on a supermarket checkout and see babies all day every day and I can honestly say I’ve never seen an ugly baby.

@Kanaloa way to kick her when she's down. What did you think? Oh here's a mum who might be suffering from symptoms of pnd I know what I'll tell her she needs to buck her ideas up?

Op - you are not going to damage your baby. Its perfectly normal to look at your child and think they're not cute (or worse).

and while it is a little worrying you're avoiding taking her out, it's for your mental health not because you're going to do her harm by this.

4th trimester and all that, this period is dreadful for posr partum mums.

She's only a few months old , I promise whether it takes a few weeks or a couplecof years she will blossom in front of your eyes. It's exhausting being a mum to a newborn when you have another child to look after too, if you're struggling with bonding there could be many reasons or it might just be one of those occasions when it takes a little more time.

Ignore anyway who tries to make you feel worse.look after yourself and feel free to dm me If you want to chat away from public forums.

Meant in the nicest way, there are lots of 3 month baby's that are not cute. Many are still all squishy and funny looking. Don't worry about it!!

I didn’t say she needs to ‘buck her ideas up’ or kick her when she’s down. I said she needs to speak to somebody, which she does. It is not ‘perfectly normal’ to not want to take your baby out and worry you can’t bond with it because it isn’t good looking enough. Especially when you have long running issues with your own body image. It is necessary to seek help for such thoughts because they will certainly be damaging to the child if the parent doesn’t learn to reevaluate their thinking.

When my grandson was born he looked like Homer Simpson's head on a baby body. I told my daughter he was wonderful, followed the doctor into the hallway, grabbed his arm and asked "what's the matter with his head?" Twenty years later his body grew into proportion to his head, his hair grew out thick and curly all over his head and he is very attractive! Give it time, and stop comparing your DD to yourself.

I honestly can't explain how much all of your lovely and kind responses have helped. Thank you! Thank you for not judging me for sharing my honest opinion and for giving me a lot of hope and things to think about. You're all the best! Xxx

If you hadn't posted about DD2 I would have thought I posted this and forgot. DD had the most beautiful curls. DS objectively did look like Churchill. Granted I was in the pits of PND at the time but even looking back (and he is as cute as hell now) he absolutely looked like grumpy Churchill.

A baby’s attractiveness bears little correlation to whether or not they will be an attractive adult.

However, your baby needs you to believe she is beautiful. So try to look beyond conventional standards of attractiveness and discover what a beautiful little character she is.

And, you are not ugly. I don’t have to see you to know that. Putting on loads of makeup may boost your confidence and make you look more polished, but it doesn’t have magical transformative powers - there’s nothing wrong with you.

Hi OP
I came across your post on Google while looking for some condolences myself.
I’m exactly at your place with a 3m old baby girl who is not cute as much. Also I have same insecurities as yours. I find it a bit hard to bond with her as I’m constantly worried when I look at her.

I would like to know how do u feel now after a year?

Honestly, as an objective person, 99% of babies are absolutely hideous. Like so ugly to me that I can’t comprehend how they turn out so beautiful years later. Some toddlers are super ugly too, yet when they grow they’re beautiful.

Same the other way, beautiful children becoming ugly adults.

shes 3 months, chill out. See your GP.

I had a very odd looking baby. Two totally different ears, big red birth mark on her forehead, and generally she looked just like her Dad with eczema. It didn’t affect my feelings towards her. It was something I noticed.

She’s gorgeous now. I am not sure if others think so but to me she’s stunning. She is certainly average at least.

OP, have a chat with someone, maybe your health visitor. Maybe there is more going on.

They all go through phases, I think. DD was a gorgeous newborn and toddler but she looked like an absolute potato around 9-12 months. My younger sister looked like Dobby as a baby- bald with massive eyes and ears - then went on to be a cute child, a very awkward preteen and a gorgeous adult.

😂