Help - Parent of 5 year old Boy - im lost Í have no idea what im doing

[MrsG2017]

So so sorry everyone, I am just lost. Im 44 years old, i have a degree a high powered job, im not stupid. But clearly I am. I have absolutely no idea how to parent my five-year-old.

Ok we are in extreme circumstances. we have just relocated back from NZ to the UK. we are stuck in an Air BnB trying to find a house to buy or rent in an area we can afford. SO we have been in Gloucestershire for three weeks to no avail and will be moving on to Lincolnshire next week. DS (5) isnt in school, hubby and I aren't working fulltime (i am doing bits in the evening for my old company in NZ) 'He's anxious i know he is, he just wants his own home and a bedroom and a school.

I am literally at my wits end, i have no energy to parent and i have no clue what to do. He hates anything that seems like learning, he wants tp play games on my iphone or watch youtube (which hubby and i have agreed we need to ban) and of course that sends him nuts.

We have no support and cant even walk to a play ground

What are your daytime routines with your kiddies? i feel like ive lost myself since leaving NZ. I am so scared that this will impact him in the longterm.

It sounds like you need to focus more on your own state of anxiety than your child’s. He’ll be taking your lead from you on how to process this move.

If it was me, I’d get up and go out in the morning. Come back for lunch. Then he can have some downtime, while you do a bit of life admin. Then some reading or something like that.

Why can't you walk to a playground?
Is there a library nearby. Take him to the library - look at books. Sometimes they have paper and crayons so he could draw. If they have story time/rhyme time for little ones he could join in - even though he is a little older.
Could you go on random bus journeys? Literally from A - B and back again. You could make a game - first one to spot 3 blue cars, a fire engine and a tractor wins the game.
Is there any type of indoor play centres nearby? Go there.
Swimming?

I guess it depends on the funds you have available. But if money isn't an issue there is loads you can do - swimming, bowling, parks, museums, soft play/indoor play places etc. I don't know anything about the area you are in but look up local museums, castles, places of interest etc.

I would not ban YouTube or iPad etc. It makes them even more desirable - just have sensible limits. Also make screen time a bit more 'deliberate' rather than mindless watching of any old thing - watch specific shows on CBeebies that encourage learning or watch a movie together.

But also be kind to yourself - you've all been through a big upheaval so it will be tough for a while. Good luck with the house hunting.

Yes sadly we are literally in the middle of nowhere and I don't have a car at the moment so getting up to go to a playground involves the whole family and a drive of about half an hour it's a mare - we will move next week to a better location and I need to buy a car pronto!! Then yea library and all those things will be super.

Yesterday was great a walk around the quays and a museum and the cathedral but man today the wheels have come off as we are all so god damn tired of being homeless.

Also.. instead of him watching YouTube get him to watch the Cbeebies channel on TV. The programmes are suitable for his age and many of them are educational - but without children really noticing !
Some of the programmes (like Alphablocks) are watched in UK schools so they are worth him watching at home.

Can you walk along the roads or is it too dangerous? Just anything to get out of the monotony of the house. Any trees you could climb?

I also moved to a different country when my dC were a similar age. It is hard.
Your childs life is now totally different, routine is different, everything. And for you too. No wonder he is challenging!
I would say take it 1 day at a time. Even if you only manage reading a book to him, some colouring and a walk that’s ok. He is also learning with playing - in some countries children are not learning to read/wrote etc at 5 it’s ok.
It will get better

Can you order a scooter? A cheap scooter would keep him occupied and the exercise will produce lots of lovely endorphins. When you move next week is he going to the local school? You need to put him name down ASAP he’ll have structure to his day and be tired after, I think it’ll sort your problems out once he’s at school tbh.

For educational stuff, you can watch Alphablocks and Numberblocks on CBeebies, when you can get to a library you can get both books on things he's interested in (ours will order in books on things my DS is interested in at the time) and books that he can read to you. If I were in your position I would try to do some reading every day, and incorporate some writing and maths where you can into your day (write shopping list, how many things are on the list, please write this birthday card for Grandma etc). For fun indoor activities we do lots of lego, imaginative role playing with superhero figures, build their fortresses with lego etc, Pokemon / Yu Gi Oh card battles. We also bake (good opportunity to use maths!) And make 'potions' (e.g. put various things in water and see what happens) and do 'experiments' with stuff like baking soda/vinegar. Hope some of these suggestions are helpful!

Start by writing a timetable for the days you are stuck inside .
YouTube Joe wicks exercises and do one together morning and afternoon.
Give him a hatfull of ideas to pick out what to do next (cookery learning craft reading housework colouring)
Keep the day broken up like that, add elevenses, lunch, etc

Online has so many valuable resources as well as entertainment
Mathletics or something similar schools use. Virtual tours. Pretend sightseeing. Look stuff up on Google maps. Research an animal. Get in touch with local home learning groups who might give you ideas or help out with trips. Get on Facebook local group for area and ask the same.

Ok, first breathe!

I have three boys. In my experience they thrive on routine, kind boundaries and exercise
so
breakfast
go out somewhere for a walk/ run / swim/ climb
make lunch
and then CBeebies or something in the afternoon for a couple of hours so you can get stuff done

he’s riffing off your feeling of being untethered. He needs you to give him a safe feeing of being ok.

Treat it like lockdown!
when it was lockdown and I wasn’t working I had a timetable for the day. It meant they weren’t asking for snacks and tv constantly. I tried to build in treats fo make it bearable and I think this applies here

Erm….did you not plan where to live before you moved back across the world? And pick a school for your DC? Don’t live in the middle of nowhere if you don’t have a car, if you’re on a bus route at least you could take him swimming/park/zoo.

@SecretVictoria yeah that's helpful 🙄
We know nothing of the OPs reasons why they moved. None of our business and may have been beyond their control.

Well, it’s certainly something most people would have thought about. And the random choice of areas…one week Gloucester, next week Lincolnshire. Just odd to me.

I would say remove the pressure of ‘learning’.
Little kids love a routine, try a visual routine board on your fridge or on a little whiteboard. Break the day up so you all know what you’re doing at each time. This will really help you ‘go through the motions’ of the day when your motivation isn’t there. Allow him to be involved in the process of creating some fun ideas to do each day. Ask him what he thinks would be a fun thing for you to do together and write them on little bits of card or paper. Then have an allotted time in the day when he gets to pick one randomly from the pot.
Don’t worry about walking to somewhere just go on an ‘exploration trail’ in your surrounding area (even if the weather is pants) think of a new thing to ‘explore’ every day. E.g. pick a lane to walk down and ‘adopt’ and pick up litter together so you’re looking after it.
I agree that banning things makes them more exciting so either find some programmes that you schedule in or use youtube as a tool e.g. look up videos of how to do/make something and then follow the instructions like origami.
it sounds to me like your situation is tough, but I think kids thrive when given space to use their imagination and plenty of time to go outside and burn off energy- you don’t need a park for that. A garden and some sticks can be enough given the right encouragement.

let us know how you’re getting on xx

Look your life is not normal at the moment so most people would find entertaining a 5 year old in that difficult. Can you and dh divide up the day. I know weather doesn't help but dh or you bringing him outside as much as possible so the other can breathe and then you both taking turns playing some simple card games/ construction/ playdough etc. I would let him play on the phone for a little while each evening. Maybe agree when it gets dark he can play for 30 minutes and set a timer. If you have a TV or laptop just all crash out and watch a movie even if its 11 in the morning. Or get back into bed and read stories or run him a bath.
Remember this is survival and it will pass but its also a good time to spend some time together as soon life will get busy again.

@SecretVictoria yes we did plan but sadly for varying reasons things haven't worked out so we are working so very hard to make our plan b.

@SecretVictoria we do have a car my husbands but sometimes us mums like to get out of the house and do things without having to ask hubby first if you know what I mean, I would borrow it but it's a huge 5Series and what with not knowing where I'm going I foresee disaster 🤦🏼‍♀️

Could you maybe organise a schedule, where you plan out your day with him
8am get up have breakfast
9am do exercise , pick a kids YouTube Pe
10 - spellings and maths
etc like he would if he was at school
snack
reading
lunch
walk
swimming
plan dinner
include him in Right move internet surfing so he can look for your new home?

What toys has he got?

My 5 year old boy enjoys Lego, magnatiles (connetix), robots, balls, board games- (connect 4, blokus, downfall), scooter & bike, occasional craft/colouring.

I would aim to have a structure to your day. An outing, a short learning time, playtime together, independent play, TV time, iPad time. However it works for you. Show him a brief timetable each morning so he has some security, consistency and knows what to expect. Does he know his phonics?

White Rose Maths have a good app which would help him in early maths games. I liked the Oak academy online lessons for a 7 year old in lockdown, they might have some engaging for him. Watch a little and chose an appropriate one.

This.
Don't worry about education right now, a few weeks/months - even a year - isn't going to do him any harm. Just concentrate on keeping him happy, and keep it simple.

Feels like a nightmare but it's just temporary.

Can you get him a tutor or someone similar as he might be more receptivevyo learning from an outside source?

• receptive to. I think I need an English tutor!

Have you ever tried buying a house in the UK while living in New Zealand?