Sleep training a 8 month old okay?

[Helena1993]

I'm asking people who have done it.

I'm asking because separation anxiety sets in at around that age

You're going to get very subjective answers here from people who are either pro- and anti- sleep training. The reality is there isn't enough research about the effects of sleep training, there are only studies that can be interpreted as reasons to, and reasons not to, sleep train (depending on your stance).

So you have to decide what's best for you and your family, taking into account your baby's temperament and any underlying issues (reflux, etc). No one can tell you whether it's 'okay.'

Try reading research from both sides of the argument. Pay particular attention to those publishing from a professional, scientific perspective rather than people cashing in on the trend with no genuine medical / neuroscientific / professional psychological background. Decide for yourself.

Sorry, that last line should have read 'trust yourself and make the decision according to your research'. My original line sounded really harsh, that wasn't my intention at all.

People who have done it are going to say yes because they believe it’s an acceptable thing to do.

Sleep train as early as possible imo.

I think it’s down to each baby’s individual temperament. With DD it would have been absolutely the wrong thing to do so we didn’t but planning to try with DS once he’s over his cold as he’s such a different personality, I think he’ll take to it much better.

You know in your heart if it’s the right thing for your family.

I think sleep training in general is a good thing from 5 months if research. But I was wondering if separation anxiety is a reason not to sleep train.

Seperation anxiety happens when an infant develops a sense of object permanence, which is when they become aware that even though an object or person is out of sight, they still exist.

So when a parent leaves an infant (to go to work, for example) they are aware that their caregiver has gone away and left them alone. As infants don’t understand the concept of time, they have no way of knowing when or whether their parent will come back.

On that basis, I would say that attempting sleep training, including timed intervals, whilst an infant is displaying signs of seperation anxiety is cruel.

So when is a good time in your opinion?

Never.

I know that's not helpful, but as I said in my first reply there isn't enough conclusive evidence on the effects of sleep training. For some people, that's a reason to sleep train. For others, it's a reason not to.

For me, I can't imagine not responding to my son when he's crying out for me. But as @SamanthaVimes rightly said, a lot is dependant on the baby's temperament. My son would quickly become hysterical, hyperventilating, etc. I can't imagine putting him through that in the name of 'teaching' him something that he will learn in his own time.

But you need to do what is best for your family.

@Calphurnia88 your DS sounds like my first. She would be instantly hysterical, so whilst it was tough we knew it would have been the wrong choice for her (and I doubt it would have worked at all)

Whereas DS just has a little grumble. I’ve been really surprised how different they are in the same environment!

Go for it. The earlier, the better.

Earlier than 6 months isn’t recommended so I think a lot of people end up doing it around 7 or 8 months.

I see your point. I thought I couldn't do it but I want to be a good mum but that's virtually impossible in my current sleep deprived state. It's gotten to a point where it literally feels like torture.
So I researched for a long time and came to the conclusion that it's the best for everyone. Including my baby who is very fussy because she's also not getting any good sleep.

I sleep-trained my daughter at 9 months (going in to settle her at increasing intervals). She’s now an excellent sleeper, will call for me if she needs me (normally if she’s poorly or had a bad dream) but can resettle herself if she wakes up but is fine. She’s nearly 4 now.

Remember that most of those that say it damages children haven’t done it, and are claiming that based on what they feel or an obscure study that doesn’t differentiate between different types of sleep training. Most of those that say it doesn’t damage children have actually done it and have seen first-hand that their child is fine, adjusted, has solid attachments and sleeps well.

For me, sleep training helped my child get much more sleep, and helped me retain my sanity. It doesn’t work for every child but when it does, it can be life changing.

I left it to 14mo with DD. We were all broken from lack of sleep (waking every 45mins, sometimes for hours, refusing milk and wanting to be rocked in a very specific way by me only) and I was so tired I nearly crashed my car. I was almost hallucinating, DH and I were arguing, DD was miserable... it was horrendous. And CC worked pretty much straight away, we were different people after a few nights of sleeping properly.

Our mistake was doing it so late. I feel like we didn't enjoy her early toddler months because we were as so exhausted. If we'd left it any longer I think I would've broken down entirely. It was the best thing we ever did.

So we did it at 8mo with DS. Up every 30mins, every single night. I could feel things going the same way, plus he would only nap on me, nowhere else. It was upsetting DD, I was covered in bruises and scratches from DS headbutting/clawing at me... So we did CC again. It worked almost immediately for him too (I appreciate it doesn't for everyone).

They are now nearly 9 and 4.5 and neither of them remember it at all. They both love their beds, and only wake up if there's an actual problem.

Good luck OP, I hope you start getting some sleep soon

I've done it at 7 months and 9 months respectively with my DC. Each time I waited until (a) I thought they were ready and (b) I was sure I couldn't carry on any longer. Each time it took 3 nights and then they started sleeping through. I still went in to them if they were ill or teething. Still do, in fact.

You'll get lots of different opinions but I really think you just have to trust your instincts. For me, being on my knees with exhaustion meant that I was fit for nothing during the day. Like most people, I am a better parent when I'm not hugely sleep deprived. I don't believe that having 3 bad nights has ever done my DC any harm.

I'm wondering about the harm that long term stress poses to a constantly unrested baby that doesn't sleep enough. And the effects of a sleep deprived mother that has a hard time surviving the day and can't engage much with the child in a loving manner. These are things I'm far more worried about.
It has taken a toll on the relationship of me and my partner, too. And I'm really at a point where I think that if I don't do it I'll lose my mind. No exaggeration.

Thanks everyone. It helps tremendously to read your success stories. I'm on day 1 of sleep training and it's already been rough. We're using the Ferber method. 2,5,10,15...
It took her 40 minutes to fall asleep...

Day 1 DD took about the same amount of time as yours. Day 2 was worse, like she'd wised up to it (although she was older) and wanted to let us know she was cross! After that it got less and less until she was chatting/singing herself to sleep, maybe four or five days later. I don't remember much of doing it with DS but I imagine it was much the same (he was 8mo as well).

Good luck with it. Nobody wants to do sleep training, but sometimes it's the only option. I really hope it works for you, I promise you'll feel like a completely different person!

I totally get it @Helena1993

I thought I was going mad some days. I had no energy to do anything beyond survival. I fantasised about a long hospital stay just so that I could get some sleep. My marriage suffered, I piled weight on and I was in tears half the time. I honestly couldn't have done it any longer. I am glad I waited until they were old enough but I am also so, so glad I did it. I think ultimately it was the best thing for us all.

Sending you solidarity for the next couple of nights - I hope you're all getting some sleep by the weekend.

Gosh seeing all these replies makes me sad. Poor, poor babies being ignored. That’s what it is.

your baby has spent less time in this world than it had in your womb and you want to ignore its cries for food/comfort/100 other reasons baby cries

imagine if you were upset for whatever reason and your partner ignored you. Told you to go upstairs and cry it out. The difference is as an adult you’d be able to get why he’s ignoring you but your baby does not.

there are many, many other options to help with sleep that doesn’t include ignoring your baby.

Not all sleep training is cry it out.

What nonsense.
My DD slept through the night after two nights.
She is now 39 and does not remember the experience.
Having broken nights for over two years nearly killed me.
It did kill my marriage.
Be realistic.