Worried about 19 month toddler potentially showing autism signs

[VictoriaF3]

Hi everyone,
I’m hoping I can seek some advice/information.
Firstly I adore DS and if he is autistic that will never change how I/we feel about him, but we have concerns he might be mildly autistic?. I have already spoke to our local health visits around 12 months? Made a list of things he could and couldn’t do/things I was and wasn’t concerned about. The health visitor completely put my mind at rest and said he sounded to be developing brilliantly and she had no concerns, but I can’t help to be getting this niggle again he could be.
So like I did with the health visitors, here’s the things I’m not concerned about;
*Sleeps very well - always 12 hours, usually great at self settling unless he’s having an off day
*His motor skills are brilliant, he’s been crawling and walking since he was young very young. Think he was 10 months when he started walking?
*He does answer to his name, selectively - so he doesn’t always but it’s more usually when he’s playing, or doing something and he knows we don’t actually want him for anything particular he doesn’t look
*He knows exactly what we’re talking about & listens to instructions - e.g it’s bathtime - he goes to the stairs. Tea time - comes to the kitchen. We’re going out - goes to the door ready to leave. Where’s your ball? He’ll find his ball. Not so good when we’re out and about and he’s just so inquisitive. Doesn’t always listen like he does at home.
*Loves playing, does play independently but will get us involved, brings you to the floor to draw with him or play with his toys
*Good eye contact, not always there but does look at you, or for you in a room - smiles when he see’s you see’s you coming, or wants to be lifted up somewhere
*Does get upset when I or his dad leave the room, or have to go to work, so does have that connection to me/his dad
*He can clap
*He has a brilliant little personality, smiling, laughing, tickling, loves being chased. He’s a joy to be around
*Brilliant eater - if it’s what he likes, he is picky but I suppose what child isn’t?

Things I am concerned about;
*19 months and we’ve sadly had no words. For a lion he can make a grunting sound, and he does sounds like eee, mmmm, aaaa and does babble a lot but no specific words. We read books but he will only sit for a couple of minutes and he’s up and off so doesn’t sit for long to properly read with him
*Hes a very active little boy so loves being free, walks, running, and climbing but doesn’t seem to have any sense of danger… but we’ve never let anything happen to him so maybe he doesn’t realise if he does these things he could hurt himself? Its the climbing, loves to climb.
*He doesn’t always answer to his name - we have no concerns with his hearing as he listens to instructions, reacts to sounds so that can’t be an issue but he seems to selectively answer to his name
*He doesn’t point or wave. We tried and tried with waving but he just never did it. Pointing was the same… I didn’t really know that was an issue until I looked into it but DS communicates through hand leading.. so if he wants something he will come and take your hand (look you in the eye) and drag you to where he wants to go/what he wants. Usually to go somewhere that has a baby gate on it like the kitchen or to come play with a toy/help him with a toy
*He doesn’t use imaginative play, or at least I don’t think he does. We have a play kitchen and he doesn’t pretend to do anything in it?. He plays with his other toys the correct way but e•g he has a pig you put the coins into and loves it but then has been taking the coins and putting them all on the windowsill one by one? Or taking his balls into the kitchen and putting them on the dining room table one by one? But will again play with them normally - role them to you etc
*Head banging is a major issue and I’m not sure if that’s because he’s frustrated with not being able to communicate but he usually does it when we say no to something, gets down onto the floor, head bangs and then screams/cries but I wouldn’t say a meltdown. It does end quite quickly
*Doesnt like cuddles/being held. He’s been like this before he could walk, he would like to be laid down and have his space sometimes. Even now, I will try and cuddle him & kiss him and he pushes me and everyone away. Even when he’s upset. He has come to me and tried to kiss me maybe 4 times? Without me asking. He will run to you and lay his head for a second before he runs away if he wants a cuddle
*Lastly, he covers his eyes if he’s nervous I think it is? So a new loud toy? Or if we go to see family and a lot of people are in the room he covers his eyes - doesn’t cry but then after a few minutes comes round and he’s off exploring.

anyone who has experience or thoughts would be greatly appreciated! TIA :)

Honestly, that all sounds totally normal..
I found words came all of a sudden after nothing, he's still sooo young!!
Give him time to learn a sense of danger, again, he's soo young!!
He does answer to his name, I wouldn't expect him to always esp if he's distracted or maybe just not interested in what you have to say (no offense meant!)
Imaginative play is more typical later, he's still too young for this in my opinion
Tantrumming is common, they have to get their feelings out some way..
Some kids just don't like cuddles!!
Covering eyes is so normal and covering ears
Honestly, I don't know why you're worried and I don't say that lightly, I think you're focusing too much on things you don't need to.. Try to let it go and enjoy him - you don't want to look back and say you missed the most special of times fretting for nothing..
I know it's hard but there's really nothing there I'd see as being a sign of autism,not with everything else you mention..

Agreed! All sounds like mine when they were that age and they don't have autism.

Thank you Rowen32, that message has honestly made me feel so much better. I think you’re right, when I’ve spoken to my mum she’s said exactly what you’ve just said. I think I’ve been doing a lot of comparing, which I know you shouldn’t do but my other friends children who some are younger are doing the things I’m concerned about, like the pointing, cuddling, speaking, and I think it’s just put my mind into a googling whirlwind and I’m looking for things that probably aren’t a concern. I try to remind myself they all do things at their own pace and in their own way and my DS is doing just that. I’ll keep this thread updated with his progress but thank you again for the quick response!

Sounds normal. Toddlers just don't have a sense of danger. And I think if they are advanced in one area (e.g. walking early), they will be slower in another area (e.g. talking). But all is normal and it all comes in time.

All sounds completely normal for his age to me too.

Mildly?

I agree a lot of it sounds normal! My ds is autistic and one thing he did do was the hand leading and also lining/stacking things.
He loved to spin round and round in circles and watch spinning things too.
But he also made eye contact, very loving etc ! It's a big spectrum.

Sounds exactly like my boy, and he’s NT. he actually didn’t talk until he had just turned 2, had the odd few words, but I literally mean a few. I was really worried too, especially as my two older girls had been way more speech advanced. At his 2 year HV check up I voiced my concerns and she wasn’t phased at all. In fact she said, “I bet you in a month he’s talking your hind legs off” and she was right. It just seemed to click with him all of a sudden and there was no stopping him. He too also liked to line toys up.

I'm a mum of two with autism diagnosed at two and two and a half. I wouldn't be overly worried as he's very young but I would be exploring ways to help him communicate if only to help lessen the tantrums. Have you tried Makaton? There is probably a course available close by. Or you could even try PECS which is a system using pictures. You could borrow/ buy the Hanen books More than Words and It Takes Two to Talk to help you help your child. First of all though get his hearing checked and see if you can self refer to speech therapy in your area.

Lining/stacking things is normal toddler development. Unsure about the head banging. But my boy was an early walker 10 months too and he didn't start talking until closer to 23 months, even on his second birthday he didn't say much. He never stops talking now! I just think because he developed physically early he was slower with talking. Also of he is leading you etc he probably doesn't feel like he has to talk. Try and make him communicate with you in other ways, you could offer him two options of things to teach him to point. My boy learnt waving from teletubbies 🤣

You're welcome.. Also echo PP who says if they're 'behind' in one area they're ahead in another.. Anecdotally we've noticed with friends the boys tended to walk/be active quicker and the girls tended to talk sooner

What i find is slightly amiss in my opinion is the no pointing or waving. It's now my 20 month old communicates without having much language at all (not worried about no language in mjne)

Does he understand language as in close the door, get the ball, where is the dolly, where is your bottle, high fives, fist pumps etc?

My son is 2.5 he didn't have one word at 2 and now he talks in full sentences all day long . He also pointed later than most I can't remember what age but I'd say it was past 18 months. He started role playing a lot more when he could use words

I also think if you're really good at meeting their needs and they feel connected to you they don't have the urge to talk or learn words as much as they're already communicating..

The waving and pointing he may be slightly behind with but seems normal to me. 1 year olds don’t have any sense of danger and don’t always respond.

I’d be concerned with his expressive language rather than thinking ASD.

My friend didn't speak till she was 2. Then in full sentences (she's not autistic).
Do you have autism in your family? Sometimes there seems to be a generic connection (am not an expert though).

Genetic connection, not generic

What do you mean by "mildly" autistic?

He sounds like most toddlers, a lot of ASD traits are only considered flags if consistent, age inappropriate etc

I think most children talk or walk, he is probably frustrated without the vocab. I would keep an eye on the talking as there is plenty of tools to support development.

My children learnt a form of sign language at creche as some of the children were non verbal. Not sure if some flashcards, simple signing resource would be accessible to you.

I’m sorry for only just responding, I was asleep and taking DS to his second nursery drop off today. I’m hoping this is going to help bring him along as well as he’s been cared for with family until this point, so fingers crossed his days at nursery will help with his development/communication skills.

I appreciate everyone responding though with information/advice. It’s good to know that mostly on the whole people seem to think he isn’t showing autism signs. When I said mildly above, I do know there’s a spectrum so I’m not sure what the technical term would be? But I don’t think even if he does have autism, that it he is high on the spectrum (I apologise if this isn’t the correct wording) but yes that’s what I meant by mildly.

I will definitely have a look into Makaton courses, PECS and the books you’ve suggested above. I’m going to see how he does at nursery, he has around 6 months until his 2 year appointment with the health visitors so hoping a combination will bring this out but I’m prepared if he does need speech therapy.

I think like a couple of people said, he is so advanced with his motor skills that the verbal has taken a back seat. I do understand everything he is trying to communicate to me, with his leading and signals so I jump to attend to what he needs/what’s very quickly and sometimes before he even maybe needs it so I think he doesn’t feel the need to communicate as he already can get what he wants without speaking.
I think the speech alone I wouldn’t probably have worried, as I know they develop in their own time but I guess it’s the other things like the head banging, the playing with toys in his own little way, not being cuddly, and no pointing/waving that combined together made me worry about him but again thank you all and I’ll keep this updated along the way of his development for anyone in a similar situation :)

Oh and yes gemloving his understanding is really good. So he can do high five, when I say we’re going out he will come with me to the door, where’s your ball? He finds his ball. Brush your teeth - he’ll brush his teeth. He understands everything, and is listening when I don’t think he is so I don’t think it’s a hearing problem or that he doesn’t understand us.

What did you mean itisbetter with his expressive language btw? :)

I'm autistic, OP, and so are two of my children.
Autism affects everyone differently, as you know.
Try not to panic. I did, a little, when I worried about it with regard to my DC.
I still led a full, professional life. Your child will probably do the same.
I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood and it made everything fall into place for me.
Things which I'd been puzzled about just became clearer.

Well that’s lovely to hear TheShellBeach, so reassuring to hear. I am trying to keep my worries at bay, and I am just enjoying every second of DS but I would hate to think I missed something and didn’t get him support when he needed it but will see how he gets on these next 6 months with the nursery change. Thank you again for all responding, I really appreciate it!

Hi @VictoriaF3 I was wondering if there was any update as to how your DS is now? My son is very very similar to your OP and found your thread through googling and worrying! He has no speech yet, doesnt point or wave, but climbs and runs and excellent motor control and can give high fives. Can understand most requests but will very rarely sit still for story time or a cuddle. Leads me everywhere by the hand.