Hating maternity leave

[Threetwoone321]

I’m so bored on mat leave. I don’t have an easy baby and it’s hard work getting him to sleep so groups can be hard to get to as his naps are so unpredictable and he doesn’t nap on the go. I see some Mum friends at least once a week and try and go for a walk everyday but he cries in his pram or the carrier after about 20 mins so I can never get very far before tears. I can’t drive. I feel like I go mad trying to keep him entertained at home all day and feel like I just wait for DH to get home from work.

Those who don’t do baby groups, how do you not go mad??? How do you spend your days?

How old is your baby?

I found it really hard too. I spent a lot of time with my mum and gran as they don’t work so were free in the day.

I did go to a few groups and just had to accept if he screamed through most of it.

I started enjoying it a bit more just before I went back to work 🙃

@SalviaOfficinalis My baby is 5 months old.

Unfortunately all my family work full time so riding solo most of the time 🤪🤪

What sort’ve groups did you find ok?

Would a baby sling work so he's attached to you rather than separated in the pram?

5 months is tricky.

Have a look for a bumps and babies group. These tend to be drop ins so it's ok if you're late. They also tend to be more about you having a cuppa and chat. I used to run one. Didn't care if your baby cried, slept, fed, pood etc during the class. It was just somewhere to go and people to talk to.

I didn't like mat leave. Not enough mind stimulation. I went back to work when baby was 6 months old.

I also hated mat leave for the first 5 months or so, OP. My baby is 8 months now and I’d say the last couple of months have been a lot better. He’s crawling now, pulling himself up on things and is a lot more interactive. I find I can actually play with him now whereas I struggled when he was really little.

Weaning has also helped in that I have more to do in the day with preparing his food, feeding him, clearing up etc. Still can feel mundane but helps for me.

Keep trying with the groups. People are used to babies crying. Still get yourself out everyday even if baby cries, 20 minutes is better than nothing.

Hang in there, it won’t last forever xx

If you can find a church hall playgroup type thing that would be good as there’s more opportunity to chat to other parents than with the organised classes. The baby won’t really care at this stage but at least it’s something to do.

I wouldn’t worry about the timings of naps, just go to the groups. I had twins first, then a third so we just did what activities I fancied and they napped when and wherever they could.
I think is probably only if you a singleton for your first that you let nap times stop you doing things. Once you have a second you have to be a lot more flexible about these things.
Baby/toddler groups kept me sane - I would let nothing stop me from going 😆😆😆

I found around this age very boring too and trying to find different ways to fill the days was tough. How about things like swimming and the library? Have a look on your local parenting group on Facebook and see what playgroups are available where you can just drop in. Some days all we did was pop to the supermarket just to break the day up a bit. I can honestly say though it does get better, DS is 15 months now and is so funny and interesting, plays with his toys and is his own little character.

I was you twenty years ago. Almost exactly. By four months I'd had enough. Put him in nursery pt and went back to work. Instantly I felt 100% bette. When DC 2 came along two years later he went at five months.
DH didn't want to be a SAHP any more than I did. Returning to work preserved my sanity, the power balance in our marriage, my skills and my pension looks great.
People say they grow up quickly and they do, but I wasn't prepared to sit and watch the clock every day any longer and baby groups just didn't do it for me.
Never ever a single regret and the DC are bright independent teens who appear unscathed.

I laid a patio

I've had two babies and both times now I've really, really hated it until the 6m mark. I'm really not a baby person and both my babies were hard work - wouldn't nap anywhere but arms, very grizzly, short on the smiles, not good sleepers.

Things got a lot better at the 6m mark:

• weaning - both of them took to food well and I suspect that they didn't enjoy milk-only diets (I bf to 3months both times then moved to formula)
• sitting up - all of a sudden the world is much more interesting to them
• sleep training - controversial but gentle sleep training so that they started to sleep in their cots was a gamechanger (don't listen to anyone's views on this if their kids would sleep anywhere!)
• babbling/more interaction - so much easier when you're starting to get a sense of why they're happy or sad

Personally I gritted my teeth and got through it but I didn't enjoy it. Baby groups weren't on with my first as she was a lockdown baby, and I couldn't go to them second time around as we had 2 under 2 and I couldn't do clapping and singing with baby while toddler was zipping around like a madwoman. We did a LOT of walking which at least helped with the baby weight!

Sorry, I don't have the answer, like I say it was an endurance test! But I just wanted to reassure you that 1) not enjoying the first few months is totally normal and 2) that it really does get better! By the time I went back to work both times I was gutted to leave them, and I'd have laughed in your face if you'd said that to me 6m earlier each time.

@Thistooshallpsss snap!

Oh, with the walks point, have you transferred baby from the bassinet part of the pram into the seat yet? May not work if he doesn't have enough stability but DS was a bastard of a screamer in the bassinet but as soon as we moved to the seat (at about 5.5 months, he wasn't sitting up independently by then but I generally had it half reclined so he wouldn't wobble) he was much happier - I think he hated not being able to see. I had wondered if it was silent reflux with the lying down but he had an ultrasound and they ruled it out, so I suspect he was just cross not to be able to look around! Even if he didn't sleep it was at least a nice distraction from the crying...

I hated maternity leave too. I was bored and lonely, mum&baby groups really aren't my thing.

I bought a sling and DS & I went hiking (he was summer born which helped). I found a sports centre with a creche, so I swam a lot. By winter, ds was used to travelling so I used the coach network to get around. DS was bf so easy to keep happy. And I did a lot of decorating. 😀

Maternity leave sucked, I went back to work when my son was six months old and my husband took shared parental leave.

It didn't help that our son was born during the second lockdown so there were no playgroups available for me to take him to.

Am with you OP. I also had the screaming baby and I was also during lockdown so I was just at home, all day. Sometimes I would wake up and feel dread at the long day ahead of me with no idea how to fill it all.

It got better - weaning took up more time as an activity and once DD was crawling and toddling about in the spring, I could at least get her to a park.

An absolute bastard age, especially when you dont have either a content baby or the personality type that just 'gets on with it' and can tune out the crying.

I also didn’t enjoy maternity leave mostly due to a very unsettled baby who wouldn’t sleep on the move and who hated the pram and the carrier. To a lesser extent, I also missed work as well. I have nothing to add other than your feelings are completely valid. It did get better for us at around about 7 or 8 months in that DS started tolerating the pram and the car so at least I could get out more. Also the structure of meals seemed to help a bit. Really though it got better when he was a toddler and I was back at work.

I didn't go to a single baby group during maternity leave, I walked all the time and went out for coffee/ went food shopping! My DS slept really well in a mobi wrap though. He was a terrible napper for the first year so carrying him was easiest, he'd just pass out when tired and enjoyed people watching when he was awake.

I very much struggle to get my 5.5 month old to nap, he's actually less predictable now than he was 2 months ago. I take him to baby sensory (if he cries I bf him - no-one minds we're all in the same boat) or weather permitting walk to my local library (they have drop in activities e.g. "rhyme time" where everyone sings along to nursery rhymes for half an hour although he seems to stare at the other babies more than anything else and there is usually colouring in or lego for toddlers and up). Sometimes I just put mine in a sling and wander around the local shops/browse charity shops for baby clothes/toys. As my baby sling allows baby to face outwards its not unusual for a stranger to strike up a conversation now and then/comment on him looking around which is quite nice. Otherwise I try to read him baby books, or pop him either under his mobile, under a light projector doo dah or in his baby gym if he lets me when I need a break or need to do something. I don't feel I'm a natural at this much as I love him!

I watch TV and wait for naps.

There are loads of recorded music/signing/sensory sessions in YouTube so you can do classes at home whenever you want if it's the entertaining the baby aspect you need

Agree it gets a lot easier at six months.

I had a very similar experience re naps and no driving! I'd say post 6 months it gets more fun. My wee boy is one now and I'd say he was at his most frustrated 4-6months. They can't do much yet but they are alert and want stimulation.

Weaning give an 'activity' that helps structure the day a bit more. I also found mother and toddler type groups (typically in church halls!) Good as they were drop in and crucially you could leave if it just wasn't working for you both one day.

I felt exactly the same as you OP. I was on mat leave for 9 months, and looking back, I should have gone back to work at 6 months like I had planned as it saved my sanity. How much mat leave have you taken?

I also had a screamy baby - he had colic and reflux until he was about 6 months old and I didn't go anywhere with him as I had a huge fear of him kicking off. I was essentially a hermit for those first 6 months and it almost cost me my sanity. However, there is a big light at the end of the tunnel and it all does get much much easier and enjoyable - even though it doesn't feel like it at the time!

I saw a huge improvement in DS when he learnt to sit unaided and again when he started to crawl. Hang on in there - not long to go! x

Aw I could’ve written this myself! My little boy is 4.5 months and I literally count down the hours until my husband is home! Both my parents passed away so haven’t got them to visit and my husbands are a drive away and work so can’t get to them either! I’m too shy to go to baby groups and the thought of them terrifies me! I’m hoping it’ll get easier when they can play a little more independently! Fingers crossed it gets easier for you! X