What do you think is a good age gap?

[23mum]

Between DC's. I know everyone probably has differing opinions on this, but just out of curiosity. What do you think is a good length of time to leave it before trying for baby no. 2?

We have 5 years between our 2 (planned that way) and i love it. I worried that theit interests would be too different, but at 8 and 3 they really still play loads together and dd1 can't wait for dd2 to start school. I think they've both really benefitted from us being able to focus on them in the babybstage too.

There are 2 years 5 months between mine which is exactly what we planned as wanted them to be close in age. It has been lovely so far (youngest is only 10 weeks old). My eldest daughter adores her little sister and is old enough to 'help out' and be involved with the baby and as they grow up days out will hopefully entertain them both as there isn't such a gap that they won't enjoy the same things.

@JJJSchmidt I also worry about large age gaps, but at the same time I would love to just focus on my DD for a few more years - so it's nice to hear that larger age gaps can work :)

For me probably about 4/5 years. I have 2 years and 8 years between mine.
The big age gap is wonderful but appreciate that may not be feasible for everyone.
The small age gap was great when they were little and made everything much easier but not so much as teens and now young adults as all the expensive things come at the same time - school trips, uni, driving lessons, car, flat etc.

2 years

@MrsSamR aww that's lovely, congratulations on your little one!

21months between my two, two under two is hard work in some ways but easier in others. The advantages of a small gap are they like the same tv programs, toys, attractions. We did have to get anywhere in the mornings ie getting an older child to school etc. my two are very close, grown up now, brothers and best friends. If I could do it all again I would.

@23mum i worried that dd would be the only child in reception cooing with a new baby too, actually there were 3 or 4 of us mums who had babies that year, and we all had similar reasons for our gaps. I do think that dd1's temperament has helped as she dotes on dd2.

The only slight downside for me is that all parents are (obviously) 5 years older and so slightly less 'hands on' with dd2. I don't mind that in terms of us as parents havjng help, but dd1 has a very different relationship where she is very comfortable with her grandparents whereas dd2 loves them but they aren't her second parents as much.

Mine were 3 1/2 years apart and I wouldn't recommend it ! DD had been "the only " for 3 years and really liked that situation . She was was old enough to understand that this little person was going to be a permanent part of the family, old enough to feel negative about that fact ! But not old enough to have many friends to play with, or to distract her. So she developed a bad case of jealousy, which has lasted all their lives . They are 36 and 33 now and DD still feels prickly about him.

I have 4 years between DD & DS1 and 19 months between DS1 & DS2. There will be almost 4 years between DS2 & DC4.

All the gaps work well for us. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

I guess the general consensus then is a) have another when dc1 is too young to really understand what's going on or b) have another when dc1 is old enough to understand/ help out etc

I've got 10 years between mine

Glad I didn't have any in between that time as I've done everything I wanted to as a person - while giving my first all my attention and a whole load of memories with me
They both play together nicely now & we still do things as a family - days out etc

@BabyFour2023 thank you for your reply, congratulations and good luck for baby no 4

I would say 2.5-3.5 years gap would be ideal.

Congratulations if you're able to plan it that exactly though!!

Lol good point

@AaBbC do you mind me asking how old you were when you had your first

2 years. I know it makes stuff expensive but I don't have the mental energy to cope with two completely different stages at the same time. DD1 leaves DD2 behind already!

Yes, that pretty much covers both of my gaps!
DD had just started school when DS1 was born and it was lovely to have that 1-1 time with him. I got the naps so he napped after we’d got back from school so I then had 1-1 time with DD. She has absolutely doted on him from day 1 and they’re, all 3 of them, best friends. I say that honestly. They obviously bicker occasionally but on the whole, really enjoy one another’s company and get on really well.

DS1 will never remember a time without DS2 and they’re pretty much inseparable to the point where some mornings, we find they’ve both gotten into the same bed at some point during the night, despite having their own bedrooms.

Thank you!

It's hard regardless lol. I wanted about 3 to 3 1/2 years gap. We ttc when I was happy with the lower end of the gap which wld have been 2 yrs and a few months. It happened very quickly second time so we have exactly 2 1/2 years gap.

It was very hard in the beginning and then lockdown when she was a newborn so my view is prob skewed by that. Although we did get eldest in a big girl bed, the dummy was gone and she was potty trained. That helped a lot.

They are 3 and 5 now. I am very much seeing the benefit of the age gap. They both like doing the same things, activities we can do as a family. I'm glad of the age gap now.

My sil has a 4yr age gap and they don't do much as a family it's very much get the little one looked after and take the older one out to things. Obvs another year or 2 and the younger one may be able to come along. I think by the time she's old enough to go to some of the stuff the older one won't be interested as much.

@23mum

I was 22 with my first & 32 with the second

2.5 years here too nearly twenty years on. Perfect for us. Holidays, days out etc, all the best times have been made so much easier as it was easy to please everyone.

Worth remembering that it is not just about when they are little.

I have 20months between the first 2 then another 5.5 years before DD3

Elder 2 are still close even though they have lives of their own. DD3 has essentially been an only child at home since the age of 13.

For me closer together was easier, but it did mean 2 students at the same time.

I was also 22 when I had my DD, thank you for your reply!

We've got
5.5 years
14 months
24 months

14 months was my favourite gap but not ideal on your body. There are pros and cons for each stage tbh and much depends on DC personalities which you can't predict.

I would recommend aiming for the shortest age gap you feel you can cope with, after all their is no certainty it will happen easily or at all sadly.