What do you think is a good age gap?

[23mum]

Between DC's. I know everyone probably has differing opinions on this, but just out of curiosity. What do you think is a good length of time to leave it before trying for baby no. 2?

We have 3 years 2 months between our girls and it's great. First one is potty trained and goes to preschool 3 days a week and baby has spotted in like a dream. 3 year old can be left alone for 5 mins while I deal with the baby without me worrying she's going to loll herself 🤣

Bloody autocorrect. slotted in like a dream and won't kill herself 🤣

There were 5 years between me and my sister and I never liked it as we were always at different stages so had little in common. 13 and 8 for example are poles apart. I love her but for the most part saw her as an annoyance as kids. For that reason I had my two 18mths apart. I wanted as close together as possible. Hard work at first but I do think it was better for them and you kind of get everything over with at once!

13 months between 1&2, and 16 months between 2&3, exhausting but definitely the best way for us! Can have a much smaller collection of today as they're into the same things age wise

Same gap between my boys, they are still very young (2.5 and 9 months). I'm hoping they grow up to be best pals 🤞

Depends on family circumstances, all kinds can work.

We wanted to start trying again when DC1 was 18 months but due to career and financial reasons decided not to. We delayed it until they were nearing 2.5 and DC2 was born when DC1 was nearing 3.5. There are pros and cons to this gap, DC1 is now 4.5 and DC2 is 1.

So far, pros: DC1 was independent in many self care ways by the time DC2 came e.g. sleeping, eating, toileting, going up and down stairs at home, could play by herself a bit for short periods of time or could be trusted to colour in and things without drawing all over the walls and that kind of thing, was very helpful passing me things when I was stuck under a sleeping or feeding baby, absolutely adored DC2 from the moment they were born and always been very gentle and affectionate with them, enjoys playing with them, I think a lot of that is due to them being big enough to understand that DC2 is a baby and so will behave differently and isn't expected to meet expectations we have of DC1 yet etc. So there's not been any competition or jealousy so far. DC1's 30hrs childcare started just before I went down to mat pay as I only got SMP. One year of them both being in nursery means a year of not having to do two different pick ups and drop offs so thats bit simpler logistically. DC1 in nursery 2 days a week so I had 2 days 1-on-1 with DC2 which was nice, but then I did actually appreciate DC1's company the other 3 days a week as I found my first mat leave pretty lonely and boring. DC1 helps entertain DC2 a lot and often stops him crying when I can't! Didn't need to buy a double buggy or another group 0 or 1 car seat.

Cons: DC1 still little and still wanted 1-on-1 attention almost all the time and hardly ever played by themselves for the first 6 months or so til they got more used to it. Was very hard to give them attention and play with them etc when I was stuck with a crying, feeding, or sleeping baby in my arms. DC2 napped particularly horrendously as a newborn partly because DC1's frequent tantrums would wake them up. Sooo many tantrums from DC1 still which on top of crying baby was stressful. Found it basically impossible to cook meals and even making lunch and breakfast meant one or both of them was crying whilst I did it, I'd say this was the case for at least the first 9 months or so tbh maybe even longer. DC2 not a good sleeper so shattered and DC1 went through a bad patch of sleeping a few months after DC2 was born so then me and DH were basically up every other hour taking it in turns between kids which was grim. Two sets of nursery fees for a year before DC1 goes to school which is crippling us financially and meant me and DH have both had to make changes to ours jobs/working hours. Limited 1-on-1 time with DC2 and I do wonder how thet impacts his development as in terms of milestones he's meeting most of them later than DC1 did. Had to use a buggy board a lot in the first year as I don't drive, which was very physically taxing tbh!

Two years is good. Then they are close enough to be in the similar stage in terms of interests and schooling. Too much of a gap and they won't want to do the same things ( like soft play, then on to laser tag etc).

My age gaps are 2ish and 4ish. Both work so I would say 2-4 years 🙂
Less than 2 would have been too hard having 2 babies for me. More than 4 I think they’d play together less- they still do at times with a 4 year gap, but not as much as the 2 year one.

I have 18 mo between my two and I have really enjoyed it, if your first is a decent sleeper then a smaller gap is great. They both still nap in the afternoon for a long time together so I get minimum 2hrs to myself to do a few jobs round the house or just chill every day so that is a huge bonus of a smaller gap for me.

3 years 2 months for mine and it’s worked really well. They are boy and girl and don’t always play together but that is more personality than age. Even if they were twins they probably wouldn’t play together any more because they have such different interests. They’re 7 and 10 now and we do lots together as a family.

I think it depends on which you have first? My friends who had boys first then had anything more than a 5 year age gap and then had a girl really struggled with the dynamics. I'd say 2-5 years maximum as otherwise interests are just too different

We wanted a small gap but in reality our first was very hard work so couldn’t even contemplate ttc until she turned 2. Then fell preg right away so gap is 2.9. I don’t think of that as a small gap like it sounds like some do! In the middle. Ttc a third which is taking longer and gap will be 5yrs min, feels a bit long for me but also pros to having older kids who are a little less dependent. I have 5.5yrs between me and my sister, my mum said apparently a 5yr gap gives both the best chance of being a genius! Take that with a pinch of salt but there are pros and cons to different gaps.

18m between DS1 and 2, then 23m between DS2 and DD.
It was hard when they were little. But they are amazingly close and in lock down it was fantastic that they had each other. They have shared school experiences, shared friends, shared interests and have always been a 'unit'. Currently on holiday with them all at 18, 17 and 15 plus DS1 GF and its fab.
However they will all fly the nest one after the other quite quickly. Ds1 started uni Sept just gone and DS2 this year.
That is hard going from chaos to quiet.
Wouldn't change it tho.

We’re going to have exactly 2 years between our first and second, if baby #2 comes when expected. I figured this would be the ideal gap for us. I think we’ll still get a double buggy etc for the first year but when they get to 1 & 3 and 2 & 4 they’ll be close enough in age to like the same things. Since finding out I was pregnant though I have been amazed at all the people I know who are having gaps of 15, 18 months and under 2 years. I thought 2 years was quite close and I was only ‘just’ ready to be pregnant again!

Thank you for all your replies, a very interesting read!

Mine are about 18 months apart and in adjacent school years. I’d recommend it - especially now they’re teens with mutual friends and interests… and hopefully they’ll both leave home with just a year in between 😉

18 months here - I agree with lovely long synced afternoon naps, although now eldest is nearing 3 it's not everyday sadly.

Mine also share clothes which is very handy!

For me, as someone who doesn’t love the baby stage, it’s been good to get it all out the way in fairly quick succession. It i
hasn't been as hard as I expected.

8 years here

Not by choice necessarily but MC after first born coupled with Ptsd and Pnd I had a lot to work through then stayed in an unhappy relationship with DC dad until age 4 because I thought it was doing the best (I really wasnt)
Just had DC 2 and DC1 is doting big sibling and it's nice to have time with the baby only during term time. I can't say how it's gonna work out as they get older such as closeness etc but it's OK right now

We had 2.5 years which was hard for the first year - DC1 was out of nappies, high chair, cot etc and could talk really well but I think I overestimated her - she was still a baby and like a pp we struggled with tantrums and jealousy and both of them needing me at me once. However, 2.5 years on and it is amazing - they are 2.5 and almost 5 and they love each other so much. They play together loads and have been really good for each other as they are very different personalities. DC2 helps DC1 be a bit more laid back and DC2 has come on loads trying to copy DC1 - met all physical milestones early etc.

Thinking now about dc3 and the gap would be 3.5 years and 6 years and im
worried that’s too big with DC1 and 3 but will prob go for it anyway. Hoping the sex is the same as DC2.

I have nearly 5 years between DC1 and DC2. It was ok when they were little but now at nearly 11 and just turned 6 they have nothing in common and don't enjoy the same activities except swimming and the trampoline park. DC2 and DC3 have 2.5 years between them and are so close. They like similar things, play together loads and are very close. I would say the smaller gap is easier but dc2 was fully potty trained and sleeping well etc before dc3 arrived so that made it easier.

We have 3 years and 3 days, we were aiming for that due to the childcare costs! Back then it was only 16 hours and not 30 but we really wanted two children and that was the only way would be able to afford childcare! It ended up being a really nice age gap. My eldest was old enough to understand everything and they had time together before he started school and then my youngest got 1 to 1 time with me once he was at school. They have squabbles but also have so much love for each other. My eldest is so caring and really watches out for my youngest. And my youngest enjoys being the baby and looks up to his brother. If he hurts himself he always goes to his brother for comfort, it's the sweetest thing.

I only have one dd currently but speaking from a sibling perspective - I’m one of 5 girls - me and my two closest sisters in age (4 year and 6 year age gap) are best friends and have been since our late teens. Before that we weren’t as close but we always got along. So though those gaps might seem large to some remember to consider teen/adulthood relationships that could blossom too, even if they don’t play together all the time as young children.

I think it's super hard to plan. There is a 12 month age gap between my two. However the eldest has some SEN and the youngest is ahead of him in so many ways despite them still being young.

The gap between my two is 3.5 years. It's worked pretty well so far (they're now 2 and 5, oldest will turn 6 in a couple of months). I would always recommend a 3+ year gap because you get funded childcare. Being able to afford to continue sending DC1 to nursery while on maternity leave with DC2 was a godsend.

We'll see how their relationship develops as they get older, but I think it's pretty good - they wind each other up but also love each other; DC1 can be very sweet indeed with DC2 and DC2 seems to idolise DC1. Tbh I think whether siblings get on is largely down to luck rather than the age gap.

Having two children is hard work but I'm sure it would be hard work whatever the age gap. Personally I'm glad I didn't have a smaller gap but I can also understand wanting them close in age and wanting to get the baby stage done and dusted. I wouldn't want a very big age gap but that's more for selfish reasons as I don't want to prolong the period of having young children for too long. (However I do realise that I was lucky to conceive both children quickly and of course not everyone is so fortunate.)

I have a 5 yr gap and personally I would not recommend it. Mine are now10 and 5, it was fine until around 8/3 but now it's very hard to go out and find one thing for both to do, so often it's one of us with one and the other with another. But it depends on how enamoured your eldest is with younger children, my eldest has no time for them now!

The advantage is though that you get to focus more on each when young which is nice, but tbh if I could do it all again I would go for 3 to 4 year gap.