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Parenting

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Original poster

Friend didn’t like gift

38 replies

SouthernPlum · 29/12/2022 22:22

Over the holidays, we got together with my daughter's best friend and her family. Given that it was a day before Christmas and I thought the kids were getting more than enough presents, I bought her a few small items that could have been used as stocking fillers I suppose.

It was all packaged and placed in a gift bag, and I estimate the total to be around £15—which was fine, in my opinion.

The mother also gave my daughter a lovely card and a main kind of toy that was bow-wrapped.

Anyway, she messaged me later and said, "This year, instead of getting her lots of little things, they got her things they know she needs and will adore." I concurred that this was correct, and I do the same.

She is someone who can alternate between being absolutely fine and beautiful and passive-aggressive.

Given how much our kids already receive for Christmas, I'm surprised she was that fussed.

Does anyone else find this aspect of parenting challenging?

I want my child to have nice friendships but honestly keeping up the effort can be draining.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FawnFrenchieMum · 29/12/2022 22:24

I don’t understand how her saying she had got her DD things she loves and not lots of little things relates to the gift you bought?

Needmorelego · 29/12/2022 22:25

I don't see from that where she said she didn't like the gift.
Infact I can't quite understand what happened at all.

Dacadactyl · 29/12/2022 22:25

Yeah, I don't think your friend has done anything wrong either?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Families General parenting

autienotnaughty · 29/12/2022 22:29

Did you think she was talking about your gift?

Original poster

SouthernPlum · 29/12/2022 22:30

Did you think she was talking about your gift?

Yes, indirectly letting me know she wasn’t pleased with it.

OP posts:

Dacadactyl · 29/12/2022 22:31

@SouthernPlum why would she do that?

ModeWeasel · 29/12/2022 22:32

Eh? That’s it how her message comes across to me at all?!?

shieldmaiden7 · 29/12/2022 22:34

I don't get that from her message at all..

clpsmum · 29/12/2022 22:36

ModeWeasel · 29/12/2022 22:32

Eh? That’s it how her message comes across to me at all?!?

This

You're overthinking it

AmyandPhilipfan · 29/12/2022 22:41

Have you quoted her wrong? Was she saying that she'd bought your child something she knows she needs thereby implying that she was annoyed you'd bought little bits for hers?

SunshineClouds1 · 29/12/2022 22:41

I'm lost also

sanityisamyth · 29/12/2022 22:42

Needmorelego · 29/12/2022 22:25

I don't see from that where she said she didn't like the gift.
Infact I can't quite understand what happened at all.

This.

ChilliHeelerFanClub · 29/12/2022 22:46

"This year, instead of getting her lots of little things, they got her things they know she needs and will adore." I concurred that this was correct, and I do the same.

Who is ‘they’? That doesn’t seem like a statement you would concur with as correct or incorrect - surely she was telling you information that was new to you?

I also agree it’s a bit of a reach that she’s talking about the gifts you bought last year. Who would remember?!

Chewbecca · 29/12/2022 22:50

Huh?
what did you buy her daughter, what did she buy your daughter and what did her thank you text say?

Chilloutt · 29/12/2022 22:52

Could you have challenged her at the time?

Could have then clarified exactly what she meant. If she’s really that passive aggressive I would have called her out on it. People like this do exist, and their main aim is to make you feel bad for not meeting their expectations.

If she does this regularly, I would recommend stepping back. I do know somebody like this, who often makes ‘offhand’ comments that directly relate to something I do, or have done in the past. It’s very very uncomfortable. You won’t win either way unfortunately.

Coffeellama · 29/12/2022 22:53

It was a very subtle dig if at all, hardly ‘that fussed’, you are totally over thinking it

RandomSunday · 29/12/2022 22:56

"This year, instead of getting her lots of little things, they got her things they know she needs and will adore."

Have you written the text exactly as it appeared on your phone OP? I’m struggling to understand who “they” are 🤔

What makes you think DD’s friend didn’t like your gift?

thapob · 29/12/2022 22:56

I wouldn't assume that statement was a dig about your gift.

MajorCarolDanvers · 29/12/2022 22:58

I don't get it

mincepiepie · 29/12/2022 22:59

If you haven't misquoted she hasn't done anything wrong.

Why didn't you reply "aw yes it's lovely thank you! Hope your dd like hers too"

In fact, maybe she is defending that fact the she bought only one, not lots.

AcerbicColleague · 29/12/2022 23:04

On the surface, it appears that there is nothing wrong with her message but you know her. If she is given to passive aggression and that she appeared to be put out at the time gifts were exchanged, perhaps it is a (ridiculous) way of expressing her disproval. Which is just rude. You did a nice thing with good intentions. If she cannot reciprocate in kind then she is not someone who you should be spending time with. Keep the contact to children only.

Mariposa26 · 29/12/2022 23:12

I don’t understand her message and who she was talking about - can you clarify?

UsingChangeofName · 29/12/2022 23:16

Agree with everyone else.
You seem to be seeing something in her message that no-one else is seeing.

However, the simplest way to do this is not to be buying presents for other children at Christmas, unless they are your own dc, grandchildren, god children, or - if agreed with their parents - nephews and nieces. Getting presents for friends really adds unnecessary stress, expense, angst, and probably waste.

Subtlety1985 · 29/12/2022 23:24

I’m reading this as,

"This year, instead of getting her lots of little things, we got her things we know she needs and will adore."

The friends parents sent this to OP about what they bought the OPs daughter?

If this is the case, I can possibly see where the OP is coming from as the OP bought their daughter ‘lots of little things’ Although, it’s very subtle.

Thingiemajig · 29/12/2022 23:25

What were the messages leading up to this text?

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