Friend didn’t like gift

[SouthernPlum]

Over the holidays, we got together with my daughter's best friend and her family. Given that it was a day before Christmas and I thought the kids were getting more than enough presents, I bought her a few small items that could have been used as stocking fillers I suppose.

It was all packaged and placed in a gift bag, and I estimate the total to be around £15—which was fine, in my opinion.

The mother also gave my daughter a lovely card and a main kind of toy that was bow-wrapped.

Anyway, she messaged me later and said, "This year, instead of getting her lots of little things, they got her things they know she needs and will adore." I concurred that this was correct, and I do the same.

She is someone who can alternate between being absolutely fine and beautiful and passive-aggressive.

Given how much our kids already receive for Christmas, I'm surprised she was that fussed.

Does anyone else find this aspect of parenting challenging?

I want my child to have nice friendships but honestly keeping up the effort can be draining.

I don't get it. Either that isn't the worded text or there's content missing.

Oh wait I get it. She is your daughter and they is them.

That's really passive aggressive. Why do you continue to be friends with someone like that? Life is to short.

Yes it’s a dig ! Either way you look at it . It’s saying this year I’m buying only presents that are meaningful and that will be adored ! Whether
they were adored is another matter !

Someone who alternates between being fine and being aggressive, is just aggressive. Being sometimes nice and sometimes not is a great way of making people feel wrong footed and insecure and thus dance to your tune.

You don’t have to act like she’s a friend because your daughters are. Just treat her like she’s your daughter’s friend’s mum ie be vaguely polite.

Yes basically she was passive aggressively implying that my gift wasn’t good enough.

Ohhh I think you’ve got it @MeMyBooksAndMyCats.

If you’re right, yes, that does come across as passive aggressive and a more obvious dig at what you got their daughter last year.

Oh wait I get it. She is your daughter and they is them.

Yes, “THEY” is the mother and her partner. Sorry English isn’t my first language.

If this is the case, I can possibly see where the OP is coming from as the OP bought their daughter ‘lots of little things’ Although, it’s very subtle.

I got little trinket sort of things, not cheap but for example a book and another little sort of crafty thing, stickers etc. And she was implying it wasn’t good enough in her own bitchy way.

This is what she’s done in the past when she didn’t like something that has been said. She seems to have these mood swings.

Dealing with these people is just so stressful isn’t it. What you’ve said is exactly correct.

Do agree with another poster, the presents weren’t necessary nor even discussed. You just don’t want to be the crappy parent who didn’t bother.

Some folks take these things really seriously, whereas I don’t, my daughter has everything she needs so in my book it’s always the thought that counts. No matter how “small” you think the gesture is.

Obviously we don’t know your friend but from what you have typed there is nothing passive aggressive about what she said

Sorry love, the present isn’t for you, it’s for your kid. I don’t give a rat’s arse whether YOU like it/think it’s appropriate, as long as the kid appreciates it.

It is PA, just don't rise to it. You bought the child a gift which you didn't have to do. It was a nice gesture that has been thrown back in your face. You don't have to be friends with the mum just because your daughter is friends with hers.

It doesn't need to be stressful - overthinking will cause that. Just buy what you think is appropriate and ensure your daughter says thanks. Done.