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Original poster

Am I being a shit mum? Do you do this?

67 replies

Geopopw · 28/12/2022 11:23

I don’t interact much with my two month old. I do talk to them a bit but in an adult tone I suppose and not baby speak. I sing to them once a day. Cuddle them every few hours for a few minutes. I do tummy time literally for a few minutes every few days. I feed them and put them down for a nap.

I don’t know… I just feel like I don’t do much? I could do more but I am a bit lazy I suppose. I will talk when feeding them
But when others hold them they are so much more interactive

am I not doing enough?

also while I am asking questions I sometimes leave a nappy four hours if they’re sleeping or I’m doing a wash or cooking etc. Is this wrong? Obviously I try to do it ASAP but often it is a few hours. I am worried I am not doing enough I suppose!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LaLuz7 · 28/12/2022 11:27

You're fine. 2 month olds are basically clueless potatoes. They need your physical presence and for you to respond to their needs and cries. They definitely don't need constant interaction.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/12/2022 11:32

Where’s the baby when you’re not cuddling, feeding or changing nappies? I never did baby talk but I held her a lot and used a sling to get stuff done but keep her close. I chatted a lot and narrated what I was doing, sang a lot, read my book aloud. Took her for walks a lot too, we both enjoyed fresh air and I wanted some exercise.

You do sound quite disengaged, how are you feeling in yourself?

I embraced being very lazy early in my mat leave but I was lazy with her on me or close by, for me as much as her.

Cherryblossoms85 · 28/12/2022 11:39

sounds fine to me. If I hadn't been breastfeeding forever that's what I'd have been doing too. As it was, she was basically attached to me like a limpet for 22 hours a day 😂

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dammit88 · 28/12/2022 11:47

LaLuz7 · 28/12/2022 11:27

You're fine. 2 month olds are basically clueless potatoes. They need your physical presence and for you to respond to their needs and cries. They definitely don't need constant interaction.

I love this reply 😂clueless potatoes 😂

Its bang on too. The fact that you are worrying says to me you are loving mum.

lovechickencrisps · 28/12/2022 11:52

You're doing fab.
Make the most of these days when they sleep all the time.
When baby is a bit older you won't be able to put he/she down to go for a wee. Then they become toddlers and you literally can't sit down.

Nordix · 28/12/2022 11:54

In contrast to PP, I don’t think this sounds fine or normal. You cuddle them for a few minutes every few hours? This isn’t enough physical contact for a 2 month old.

Leaving a nappy for a few hours is fine. Tummy time every few days is fine.

Lack of cuddles is very sad. Google “how much should I hold my baby” and have a read. You cannot hold a baby too much, and physical bonding is so important for secure attachment.

Not talking and singing much is also very sad. They need this for reassurance and social connection.

Do you not enjoy cuddles/singing/chatting to baby? It sounds like you need to speak to your GP.

AndyWarholsPiehole · 28/12/2022 11:57

It doesn't sound normal. Have you bonded with the baby?

GiltEdges · 28/12/2022 12:03

I could do more but I am a bit lazy I suppose

It certainly sounds like it. Was having a baby an active choice you made?

samsmum2 · 28/12/2022 12:05

Nordix · Today 11:54

In contrast to PP, I don’t think this sounds fine or normal. You cuddle them for a few minutes every few hours? This isn’t enough physical contact for a 2 month old.

Leaving a nappy for a few hours is fine. Tummy time every few days is fine.

Lack of cuddles is very sad. Google “how much should I hold my baby” and have a read. You cannot hold a baby too much, and physical bonding is so important for secure attachment.

Not talking and singing much is also very sad. They need this for reassurance and social connection.

Do you not enjoy cuddles/singing/chatting to baby? It sounds like you need to speak to your GP.

This.

MrsBungle · 28/12/2022 12:06

The only bit that stands out to me is where you said you cuddle baby every so often for a few minutes. All the rest of what you’ve said sounds normal. For good attachment you need to be holding and cuddling baby a lot. Especially skin to skin.

FluffingtonMuffington · 28/12/2022 12:06

Doesn't sound right to me either. Physical contact is really important, especially this early on, and not singing or chatting to the baby? Honestly are you depressed? What does the baby do all day?

MusicstillonMTV · 28/12/2022 12:08

You sound like you have post natal depression to me - there is support available, please speak to your GP or health visitor

Squamata · 28/12/2022 12:10

You do sound a bit depressed op. Nothing you mention sounds bad but you sound a bit flat.

My babies wanted more contact than that but babies differ, some are less keen on being held.

Go by whether your baby seems happy!

Passmethecrisps · 28/12/2022 12:15

It’s not the stuff you are doing but the feeling I think. Your post reads a bit flat, if that makes sense? I didn’t use baby talk with either of mine but I talked to them constantly - just narrated what I was doing. My eldest actively hated cuddles and was happier in her chair. So we would sit side by side and watch a game show in the late afternoon. At 2 months old both of mine hated tummy time with a passion.

tiny wee babies don’t need lots of anything other than nurture and it’s not clear from your post if that’s happening.

Prinnny · 28/12/2022 12:20

I don’t think it’s normal to not cuddle and interact with your newborn no.

Nirvanarama · 28/12/2022 12:24

The cuddling the only bit that really stands out to me, I barely put mine down at this age. How are you feeling in yourself? Does baby cry often or are they quite happy?

Aria2015 · 28/12/2022 13:28

I mean they don’t do much at 2 months old but I was pretty much constantly holding/cuddling mine at that age. I'd say cuddling every few hours for a few minutes isn't much contact or a newborn. Also I remember feeling self-conscious talking to my lo when they were newborn but they started smiling at around 6 weeks and then that really motivated me to interact more verbally because it got the smiles. Does your baby smile yet?

Hugasauras · 28/12/2022 13:31

It does sound a bit like you can't be arsed, OP. I worry about this a bit with DD2 as sometimes DD1 takes my attention and she has to spend longer on floor by herself than I would like while I tend to DD1, but I try to make up for that on days DD1 is at nursery. If she's your only child, what else are you doing?

Skinnermarink · 28/12/2022 13:34

By two months my baby was definitely coming out of the potato stage! He was really alert by then and starting to smile, gurgling at his play gym toys, loved being on my lap in a cafe or out and about looking at things. You can’t just write babies off as clueless potatoes and not really be arsed. Sorry but you di sound a bit disengaged.

UsingChangeofName · 28/12/2022 14:08

No-one is suggesting you are "a shit Mum", but I agree with Nordix that you don't sound very connected with your baby.
Where are they between the "cuddle them for a few minutes every few hours" ?

I know the reference to them being like a potato was intended as humour, but all the neurological pathways are being formed by people interacting with them.......copying their mouth shapes and facial expressions......putting your tongue out and starting the 'to and fro' that is the basis of communication.......making sounds....making eye contact and so forth.
Singin and talking to them, and holding them is what all care givers should be doing with tiny babies.
It sort of sounds like the parent who says to their Nursery "Nah, there's no point in talking to him as he can't talk yet" (sadly heard far too often).

Skinnermarink · 28/12/2022 14:24

And no I wouldn’t say you’re a ‘shit mum’ at all but I don’t like it when babies are just written off as lumps of potato until however many months old (and I know that was another poster not you) because it’s just not true. I don’t use baby speak either and of course sometimes I would just leave my baby ‘be’ as he was happy kicking about on his mat but I would talk to him, show him things, make a lot of eye contact, sing, have him on my lap or hip while doing something. Who knows if it made any difference but he’s 15 months now and as bright as a button, sociable and affectionate.

Blessedbethefruitz · 28/12/2022 19:18

My second gets the baby talk and has since birth. My first though, I'd never been around babies and didn't know how to act, I felt almost embarrassed even with just him and me! I tried instead to stick with story books, showing things and discussing them (often ending on pointless tangents) and constant narration of our day! He seems fine - enough cuddles and well meaning interaction in those early days is plenty (I hope!!). As soon as he started responding back and laughing it became easier as I could see what he liked!

PatientlyWaiting21 · 28/12/2022 19:48

Sorry but this doesn’t sound normal, we all have different experiences but you sound completely disengaged and no it’s not acceptable to leave a nappy on for 4 hours.

I think you need to assess how you are feeling and reach out for help.

Moonshine160 · 28/12/2022 19:55

All sounds ok other than the lack of physical contact with baby. My 14 week old is still held for nearly all naps, partly because I can’t put him down without him waking but also because I really enjoy the snuggles. How are you feeling in yourself, OP?

candycane10 · 28/12/2022 20:02

There's nothing specific in your post that makes me think you're doing anything "wrong" but what jumps out at my is how disengaged, and perhaps depressed, you sound.

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