Am I being a shit mum? Do you do this?

[Geopopw]

I don’t interact much with my two month old. I do talk to them a bit but in an adult tone I suppose and not baby speak. I sing to them once a day. Cuddle them every few hours for a few minutes. I do tummy time literally for a few minutes every few days. I feed them and put them down for a nap.

I don’t know… I just feel like I don’t do much? I could do more but I am a bit lazy I suppose. I will talk when feeding them
But when others hold them they are so much more interactive

am I not doing enough?

also while I am asking questions I sometimes leave a nappy four hours if they’re sleeping or I’m doing a wash or cooking etc. Is this wrong? Obviously I try to do it ASAP but often it is a few hours. I am worried I am not doing enough I suppose!!

Do you have a partner or the other parent?
What do they say?
You need to change nappy if it very wet or poo straght away otherwise baby will get sore .

It sounds odd like robotic
Do you have any prior experience nieces or friend s babies? How are your parents? How was your upbringing?
Please talk to your gp and health visitor

Keep chattering away to baby all day it is how they learn to talk and interact

I struggled with baby talk so used to read book after book after book. Really helped!

4 hours is too long.

Holding and cuddling your baby is important. Even just sitting and watching tv with baby contact napping.

Talking to them like an adult is fine. You don't have to do baby talk.

Are you feeling depressed?

Newborn babies can recognise around 150 sounds including tone, stress and pitch.

regular facial and verbal interaction enhances language acquisition later on, and they respond better to higher pitched ‘baby talk’

physical contact is very important (4th trimester) and a couple of minutes every few hours is very low.

@Geopopw are you ok? You found disengaged and a bit low?

I hope you’re ok OP - sounds like you’re having a bad day or maybe struggling a bit generally? Please reach out to health visitor or gp if you are having consistently down days. These can include feeling detached from your baby. Equally I’m sure hv will have some more tips on bonding with baby. I don’t think I have any useful advice other than what’s already been said - books, sling, narrate what you’re doing etc. But it is hard. Be kind to yourself x

Sorry but being honest this does not sound normal. Babies thrive on interaction and cuddles ‘every few hours’ is very minimal. Leaving nappies that long is completely unacceptable, baby will get rashes. I’d go so far as to say that’s actually neglectful. You sound disengaged and depressed. Can you reach out to GP for support?

I of course mean this in the nicest way possible OP but I echo what other posters have said regarding talking to somebody. Personally I do think you’re not very engaged with your baby and whilst they might be “clueless potatos” to an extent I think you run the risk problems further down the line if you don’t engage and show your baby more physical affection

everybody is different. I personally sat and cuddled my baby pretty much all day and wore the baby if I was moving around. Sometimes he was in his next to me but usually speaking he was on me. I would gently soothe, sing and chat to him whenever I was changing him, talking to him if he had his eyes open while feeding etc

We are biologically designed and meant to keep our babies close to us, if you don’t have that instinct then I would really recommend you talking to someone

you are not a bad mum though

This sounds borderline neglectful to be honest, shocked anyone thinks it's okay. It's absolutely not enough interaction for a child, and if I'd found out my wife was doing this little with our child I'd be furious.

I agree. Poor little baby.

To be honest for me, this is brutal but true. Babies should be held and cuddled and spoken to. They hear your voice and your body noises for months. It is in my opinion harmful to put them down and cuddle for a few minutes every few hours.
You aren't shit (that we know) but this is definitely not optimum and should not continue.
See your HV. Get to baby groups. Buy a sling. Baby talk is not needed but chat to your child. They are a person NOT a potato.

Babies don’t need constant interaction but they do need frequent interaction. If you want to up your interaction but you feel silly doing baby talk then you could try:

• Putting baby in a sling and going for a walk. It’s like a continuous cuddle but you can move around and do things.
• Narrating your day - when baby’s awake you can tell him/her about what your doing as through he or she can understand ‘Mummy’s just going to the loo. Back in a minute’ ´I think it’s time for a coffee. Do you want to watch mummy make a coffee?’
• Reading to your baby -get some baby/toddler books. But at this age you can read them absolutely anything you want. Your emails, the newspaper, your Twitter feed. It really doesn’t matter much what the content is at 2 months. It does matter later but for now just go with whatever you want.
• maybe try a baby class or playgroup to learn some more songs and games.

Your baby will start ´replying’ to you long before they learn to talk. They learn to make noise in the right places for a conversation - but only if you interact with them.

Agree.

Your baby's brain is being wired now. You cannot get these weeks and months back. You need to talk, sing, read to it more often, as well as cuddling.

Christ go easy on @Geopopw . If baby seems happy and healthy this isn’t a big deal, some babies are just sleepier and not as interactive in the first couple of months. My 2nd is now 3 months old, and he gets far less interaction than my first did. He is put down whenever possible, as I’m usually chasing round after toddler. He is a chilled out little thing and happy on his mat/ in his chair. As PP days in a few months they will be more interactive and interesting. I’d say enjoy it whilst you can. And 4 hours is totally fine as long as no nappy rash, don’t be silly! Mine goes through the night asleep (doesn’t wake) and so doesn’t get changed for 8 hours or so then. What do people really think is going to happen 🤷‍♀️

No, this isn't normal, and two month olds are not potatoes.

Their brains are growing at a stupendous rate, and since they're human mammals they need physical closeness for emotional and psychological development. They need to hear and see their caregiver soeaking and singing to them. They need to see the face and facial expressions of their carer so that they can learn speech patterns. It's really important for them that someone establishes a bond with them in all these ways. There's more to parenting than simply feeding and nappy changing.

Are you depressed, OP?
Do you have a belief that there are more important things you need to devote your attention and energy to?
Are you up with the baby at night at all?

Who is looking after you?

Exactly! This opportunity to help your baby develop is slipping through your fingers.

No OP that’s not enough interaction. Babies need cuddles and to be talked to, played with, shown things. Do you not play with your baby? Take them out for walks? Sing or chat to them?

It's absolutely not enough interaction for a child, and if I'd found out my wife was doing this little with our child I'd be furious.

I don't know whether you're a man or a woman but I sincerely hope she'd tell you to go fuck yourself

You do more than I did. So you're doing fine. My DD turned out okay, babies don't need constant interaction to thrive.

Babies do not need constant interaction but they are not clueless potatoes.

My baby knew my voice by 5 weeks, they quickly start to copy the people around them, very young babies will copy sticking a tongue out.

This is the building blocks of learning to relate and communicate.

They know when they are being held and cuddled, developing security with their primary caregivers.

OP, what made you ask the question? Do you feel awkward or self conscious talking to your baby? Wondering if you have PND?

In truth I would say your interaction is quite minimal.

I agree with others about being disengaged. Are you just popping baby down and going about your day? Which is fine to a certain extent but I couldn’t imagine not interacting or talking to my baby.
how about getting black and white sensory cards? Sensory toys such as ribbons? Pop music you like on (not too loud) and just interact.
are you happy with how things are? surely you realise there comes a point when how you interact and are with your child will affect their development?

You must have an exceptionally easy 2 month old to get away with this. At that age, DS only tolerated being put down for a few minutes every few hours, not the other way round! He had also long ‘woken up’ by this stage age well, so i definitely disagree with a PP about them just being potatoes at this age.

OP please come back. You sounds like a caring mum and I love that you have asked.
it’s so tough in the early days and I was always was unsure what i
was doing with my first baby.
keep at it and enjoy your baby. It’s more than okay to cuddle your baby lots. Xx

Sounds fine to me.

Mine is a bit younger at 3 weeks and I often find myself thinking 'what now?' because there doesn't seem to be much to do at this stage. If he's content to be put down, is fed etc then I will put him down. I hold him of course but not constantly, he seems happy in his own space so I go with it.

I haven't sang to him at all and will chatter to him sometimes but feel silly about it.

It's all a bit dull tbh. I can't wait until he is able to interact more and just do more generally.

The difference between three weeks and two months is huge.