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Parenting

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Original poster

HELP NEEDED URGENTLY: DUMMIES

28 replies

Shhhh · 03/02/2008 14:38

This afternoon we have taken dd's dummy off her. She is 2.6 years old and for the last week or so we have been telling her this will happen today.

We have promised her a toy in exchange and today we went to our local toy store, gave her free reign and agreed on a toy she wanted.

We have put her to bed 10 mins ago, tried to get her to throw the dummy into a bin BUT she was already in a state. She is now in her room crying for "dadda and doddy" .

She is really distressed which I expected tbh BUT what do I do.............? Dh is being snappy with me and wants to give in already BUT I know we can't. We have to continue.....

Advice please............................ tia x

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fullmoonfiend · 03/02/2008 14:39

it won't last long. It just feels like it....

Original poster

Shhhh · 03/02/2008 14:42

Like how long.............? Thing is we have never had to do anything like this with her (Controlled crying etc.....) as she has always adapted very easily iykwim. I feel barbaric and really mean. esp as its daddy she is wanting atm . Although has been wanting "daddy" over mummy for a few weeks now...

How long....? Minutes, hours, days,weeks...?

OP posts:

fullmoonfiend · 03/02/2008 14:46

erm, days and weeks rather than minutes I'm afraid...

I failed miserably with ds1 and we were rapidly reaching the stage where I was terrified he'd be starting school with the damn thing. ds2 I was harder with. He took it pretty well. But when he was ill or extremely tred, the whinging for noo-noo would start. But is was whinging rather than full-on needing IYSWIM.

Thing is, if you go back now, you're stuck with it for another year or so...it's never going to be easy unless they are old enough to decide for themselves. Give her lots of praise and encouragment. Good luck.

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Original poster

Shhhh · 03/02/2008 14:46

Oh dear...........she is asking for a "nice clean doddy"....

Dh has gone in to try and pacify her (ha..!) and I can hear her trying to do a deal with him....."Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, how about...."

OP posts:

fullmoonfiend · 03/02/2008 14:48

oh it is so hard isn';t it?

bubblagirl · 03/02/2008 14:48

dont throw them in the bin as they are special to her

send them to all the little children that atre needy for dummies with the dummy fairy

maybe if she knows someone else will love them to it may not be so hurtful

she will get over it i havent tackled my ds yet 2.7 he only has dummy of a night time for comfort

when he is 3 i am going to send them with dummy fairy and replace with a toy of his choice

just give lots of praise and what a big girl pack them up in a box make it fun let her decorate the box and take it into garden for the fairies then tonight throw them away and relace with a sweet in the box from fairies to say thank you

my friend did this and it worked so thats what i'll be doing

but maybe if you feel wont cope yet just give them at night for comfort

Original poster

Shhhh · 03/02/2008 14:49

. Weeks........... Months......... I can't tell dh that..!

Maybe we should have waited till she didn't want it anymore........prob would have got to 21 and decided .

I managed quite easily to get it removed from car journeys around 1-2 months ago......just this to sort now....

We were also going to remove the bars today on her cot to make a big girls bed...too soon...? Do we expect similar issues..?

OP posts:

fullmoonfiend · 03/02/2008 14:52

ooh, maybe too much, too quickly. Although many children like the idea of being more 'grown up', others worry about it and might regress in other ways. (but then my eldest ds who is 10 still has a blanky and bear at bedtime

If she is excited about the idea of a big girls' bed, perhaps you could talk about it as a 'reward' for giving up doddy?

Original poster

Shhhh · 03/02/2008 14:52

Hmmm fairy idea is good....
I was going to send them "up" with a balloon but couldn't get one today.....

So maybe we could we she "wakes" from her afternoon nap, box them up and put them out for the fairy tonight...?

OP posts:

juuule · 03/02/2008 14:53

Oh give her her dummy. What harm does it do to give your child something that she gets comfort from?

HonoriaGlossop · 03/02/2008 14:54

I wouldn't do the dummy and the bed in one go, certainly. Too much at once!

I have to say if this was me I would give it to her if she wants it that much! If it's only for sleep times, then what's the real problem with her having it?

I'd aim instead to let her get rid of it in her own time rather than it being a trauma like this (for all of you!)

Original poster

Shhhh · 03/02/2008 15:08

Oh dear im stuck now..............been in a few times to try and calm her, works for a few seconds then she starts up again....

I would dearly love to let her have the dummy just at nights but now feel that I can't go back on what we agreed iykwim. Surely if I go back now she will see us as a push over.?

She already has a new toy...............

Reasons for removing it:

Dummy rash
Pressure from all around

OP posts:

juuule · 03/02/2008 15:16

She will not see you as a pushover. She will just be relieved to have her dummy.

Dummy rash - just rub a small amount of vaseline on the affected area.

Pressure from all round - ignore. You are responsible for your daughter. You know what her needs are.

Why not leave it for now and perhaps try again in 6m. Or just watch her and wait until she starts to lose interest in it.

pooka · 03/02/2008 15:19

Oh give her the dummy!
If you only hsve it for naps and bed, then let it be. dd had her's for sleeps until she was nearly 4. And the day the dummy went was I think the very last time she had an afternoon nap. Thankful in a way because she was about to be starting school with no op for afternoon naps any more.

luckylady74 · 03/02/2008 15:21

my 3 yr old twins have dummies for night only and you know why i feel fine about it? because i had one at night for years - i remember it with fondness and i have neither buck teeth or an oral fixation!

hunkermunker · 03/02/2008 15:23

I'd just do it for sleep time and wait till she's more able to give it up.

But I'm a softy.

Flllightattendant · 03/02/2008 15:27

Another vote for giving it back.
She won't think you're a pushover, just a lovely mummy who wants her to be happy.

cocolepew · 03/02/2008 15:31

Give it to her. I stopped my dd bringing hers downstairs but she still has it at night. There's nothing wrong with a comfort help. I'm 39 and still rub my nose like I did when I sucked my thumb!

michtenstein · 03/02/2008 15:57

this week we stopped my dd2 who is 2.5 from having a dummy full time, she now has it only for sleeps. She has taken it all very well and obviously i was more stressed about it then her. My dd1 still sleeps with hers at 4.5 because if she doesnt have one she sucks her thumb, which was giving her a bad over bite (or is it under bite?). Yes i feel embarresed, but hey its not the end of the world.

I think if you dont feel confident that you will be able to see it through to the end, possibly a week long nightmare then i would give it back.

juuule · 03/02/2008 16:07

I don't understand why anyone would feel embarrassed. Some of mine were 5yo before they gave up their dummies completely and some never had or needed a dummy at all. None of them have a dummy now (9 aged 4y - 20y)

Original poster

Shhhh · 03/02/2008 17:50

Right thats it, thanks everyone for the advice..after several words between dh & I , im not going to go down the lines of whats not harming dn't change. .

You are right, she is hardly going to be 21 and still using the dummy...and tbh I actually find it cute that she needs that comfort. .

Like I said before, its not used in the car and she is brill in leaving it in her cot and not bringing it downstairs etc although this does change when she isn't feeling 100%..(naturally..)

Feel quite bad now about this afternoon's nap as we have never had her so distressed... So I will leave it for a while longer and as so many of you said, sod the comments. .! Thanks for the tips xx

OP posts:

Flllightattendant · 03/02/2008 18:12

Yes!!! Nice one

Flllightattendant · 03/02/2008 18:13

juuule · 03/02/2008 18:20

Good for you, Shhhh

HonoriaGlossop · 03/02/2008 18:38

well done, right choice. No point in struggling!

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