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Original poster

Comments on children’s appearance

66 replies

northernmama92 · 26/12/2022 04:34

Hi all,
I gave birth to my daughter in September and have a step son (aged 9). My husband’s family live in NI and so far his mum and younger sister (26) have met our baby.

During their last visit, SIL commented on SS’s straight leg jeans, questioning him on why he was wearing baggy jeans. He defended them and said they’re his smart jeans. MIL then proceeded to say that he has skinny legs so you can’t see them with baggy jeans. This is all said in a jokey manner but I’m struggling to see the joke in commenting on his appearance.

Later in the day my DD woke from her nap and was sitting on my knee. SIL commented saying, “she looks like Harry Hill”. Again, I struggled to find this funny but gave her the benefit of the doubt as I was worried that she felt awkward around our daughter after losing her own pre-term baby the previous year. Fast forward Christmas Day and we are speaking to my husband’s family via video call. She makes the same comment about our daughter looking like Harry Hill again and I feel myself implode. I walked out of the room because I felt so angry and upset that she continued to comment on our daughter’s appearance. 1) The only resemblance is that she is bald and white. 2) Why would you say something like that about someone’s baby? 3) Our DD is a genuinely beautiful baby.

I don’t want our children’s appearance to be at the centre of my in-laws jokes and become their inner voice but it seems that there’s no consideration of what is actually being said.

Advice welcome before I flip my lid 🙃

TIA x

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DuplicateUserName · 26/12/2022 12:50

You don't like comments on the kids appearance but I bet you'd have no problem if they were more complimentary.

blueshoes · 26/12/2022 12:51

DuplicateUserName · 26/12/2022 12:50

You don't like comments on the kids appearance but I bet you'd have no problem if they were more complimentary.

Well yeah, and your point being?

Original poster
northernmama92 · 26/12/2022 12:52

Grimreapers · 26/12/2022 11:53

All babies look like potatoes.....
God I thought mine was beautiful though, only looking back do I see the potato.

I don't think anything terrible has been said. I think you're still a hormonal mess.

Thank you for letting me know the results of my recent blood test that I didn’t know I’d had to check my hormone levels…

If you did think I was a hormonal mess, what makes you think that your reply helps my situation?

The post wasn’t requesting an opinion on the matter (or my mental state) unfortunately. Thanks anyway.

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Original poster
northernmama92 · 26/12/2022 12:53

DuplicateUserName · 26/12/2022 12:50

You don't like comments on the kids appearance but I bet you'd have no problem if they were more complimentary.

I think you’ve missed the point. My post wasn’t looking for pedantic points or your personal opinion.

OP posts:
canfor · 26/12/2022 12:53

DuplicateUserName · 26/12/2022 12:50

You don't like comments on the kids appearance but I bet you'd have no problem if they were more complimentary.

The best of families love and respect and support each other. It's not unreasonable to expect your loved ones to be complimentary and not to say rude nasty things about your kids.

Calibrachoa · 26/12/2022 12:54

GreekGod · 26/12/2022 05:37

Some families do this. This constant commenting about someone’s appearance. Nip it in the bud by telling them to stop or do it to them. My SIL soon stopped calling DD “baby blobby” when I called her Toxic Barbie.

😀

snowbellsxox · 26/12/2022 12:57

Next time say WHAT DO YOU MEAN
Get them to explain and it will embarrass them trust me I do this ..

Montague22 · 26/12/2022 13:13

You do need to fight back but in as few words as possible. I find ‘name no’, ‘name stop’ type replies work best with blunt people around my children. It’s not acceptable.
The other thing I’ve sometimes done is repeat what has been said to my husband eg ‘your Dad just said -word for word what was said’- just repeating it can shame them.

LondonElle · 26/12/2022 13:17

I think her response to your baby maybe jealousy/ envy under the surface.
I am not a sensitive soul but I think I would be pissed off if the Harry Hill comment was made about my baby..he's hardly the gorgeous type is he?!

Cuppasoupmonster · 26/12/2022 13:20

northernmama92 · 26/12/2022 07:40

Thanks for your reply. This is exactly why it concerns me. What children hear becomes their inner voice. I’m sorry you had to be subjected to that :(

Show quote history

I’m sure your stepson won’t be ‘hearing an inner voice’ about his childhood jeans in years to come. The Harry Hill comment was a bit mean.

UsingChangeofName · 26/12/2022 13:40

northernmama92 · 26/12/2022 11:24

Unfortunately, it’s not for anyone else to decide who gets upset about what. My feelings are valid whether or not someone else thinks so or not. I’ve not posted to ask if I’m being unreasonable. I’m looking for advice on dealing with the situation itself.

Show quote history

The point is, you have posted on the internet.
Most people are gently pointing out that you are being completely OTT.
You are over thinking this and over reacting.

There is nothing in what you have written that would upset the vast majority of people.

Comments like That is not for you to decide. Thank you. are making you sound a bit silly. If you choose to discuss things on the internet, then you will get opinions from all sorts of people. Including those that don't agree with you. However, by putting it on the internet then you are inviting people to comment.

Original poster
northernmama92 · 26/12/2022 13:45

Thanks all for responses. Majority of people agree that it’s not kind to say these things and I have had some great responses on how to deal with as requested. Others, not so much 🤣

I’ll be using some of these methods to assert boundaries.

Thanks again to those who offered sound advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
northernmama92 · 26/12/2022 13:46

UsingChangeofName · 26/12/2022 13:40

The point is, you have posted on the internet.
Most people are gently pointing out that you are being completely OTT.
You are over thinking this and over reacting.

There is nothing in what you have written that would upset the vast majority of people.

Comments like That is not for you to decide. Thank you. are making you sound a bit silly. If you choose to discuss things on the internet, then you will get opinions from all sorts of people. Including those that don't agree with you. However, by putting it on the internet then you are inviting people to comment.

Show quote history

Thank you. Enjoy our day. ☺️

OP posts:
Mumtobabyhavoc · 26/12/2022 15:59

@Duckskitbank I appreciate that perspective, but it still doesn't excuse behaviour. Comments affects people differently. Clearly OP doesn't like it. She should put a stop to it so it doesn't continue or escalate. Maybe sil doesn't realize the effect her remarks are having? Regardless...

Mumtobabyhavoc · 26/12/2022 16:13

DuplicateUserName · 26/12/2022 12:50

You don't like comments on the kids appearance but I bet you'd have no problem if they were more complimentary.

What exactly is your point? The issue is how to deal with unwelcome comments.

user432900976 · 26/12/2022 21:05

Why are you offended? Bit everyone will find your baby cute (not that she even said that)

If your baby is white and bald chances are they do look like Harry Hill in that he is also white and bald. Or Phil Mitchell.

Why is it so important to you that others find your child beautiful?

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