Co-sleeping: am I missing something?

[NorthernExpat]

Mum to a “lively” 4-month old so sleeping terribly and exhausted to the point of despair. Keep reading threads on this board about how co-sleeping saved people’s sanity but I’ve tried it and it’s horrific - what am I doing wrong?

Baby in bed with me means being woken by little claws grabbing at my boob every time either of us stirs, the constant infuriating “eh eh” noise of bottomless need, the throbbing shoulder as I contort myself to keep her in the “cuddle curl”, freezing my tits off without the duvet and she still cries every time I clamber over her to switch sides because boob 1 is exhausted.

Tell me again how this is helping please? 😬 Or better still tell me how you made it work for you?

I Co-slept. It wasn't a magic cure but it was less horrific than getting up out of bed countless times in the night.

I think, sadly, if you have a bad sleeper you have a bad sleeper. I don't think anything will help really, just time. And I know that seems horrific just now but it does pass. You just need to find what works for you to get the most amount of sleep that you possibly can and then just keep going until it gets better.

Solidarity and sympathy x

I guess I just found it comfortable sleeping that way! Mine was quite good at sleeping until he was 6 months and then teething happened and he basically fed/comforted all night for months, cosleeping meant I kept my sanity as I wasn't having to get in and out of bed and settle him to sleep. And I was able to at least be dosing and didn't have to wake up properly. He never cried as he had me on tap! He managed to feed from both breasts with me lying on one side so I could just lie still and try to sleep/rest!

I used to wear a long sleeved button up top undone or a long sleeve cotton top that I just pushed up or both to keep my arms warm.

Edited to add - if you think she is sleeping better in her own cot, put her back in. Don't keep co-sleeping if it's making things worse.

I also bf and had a bad sleeper. She hated being alone and wouldn't settle in a cot which is why we Co-slept.

God, yeah, I agree! It never worked for me, when my husband had to wake me up when I was zonked out and about to suffocate the baby with my breast I knew it was time to stop, was very scary, I was so exhausted I didn’t even notice!!

I've never had that with either of mine, but every baby is different! I never switched sides, I just picked baby up and rolled her over me. Much easier! Both of mine have slept well in bed with me. DD2 is 6mo and able to latch herself on in night now so I barely stir for her wakes. DD1 was a good sleeper anyway, but DD2 is not particularly. But it's not so bad when you don't have to wake properly to feed/settle.

Also DD2 has coslept from birth so it's the norm for her. I think when you start later on there a bit of novelty factor that can take some time to go.

Omg, the eh eh noises!!! I HATE THEM WITH A PASSION. Especially in the middle of the night. Just burp goddammit, BURP!!!

I have no advice, sorry. Just a noisy 3mo and the same Qs about co-sleeping. Can't figure it out at all.

I always sat up to feed, but DS1 definitely slept better in bed with me.
DS2 definitely didn't sleep better in bed with me. However we've both been ill this last week, and he has, aged 11 years, come and shared with me twice. If it works, great. If it doesn't, you've tried.

I co slept all of a very cold winter and I cut tit holes in my pyjama top so that i could stay warm and feed at the same time. There's a gap in the market there haha!

I co sleep with 2 and consider myself the master of co sleeping (although the first was bottle fed). For the breastfed co sleeping - cropped tops are good for keeping boobs accessible while keeping you warm. H&M is good for these.

Practise almost sleeping on your front so that the other boob is also accessible - I'm pretty average size but I don't swap sides since I can't allow the toddler access to the baby while he sleeps. I don't burp her, change her, or do anything. She learned to tug on my shoulder if I'm facing the wrong way. She has a sleeping bag, I have blanket to the waist. Oil filled radiator with thermostat to keep it bearable.

As per pp, some kids just suck at sleeping. I'm still co sleeping with an almost 4 year old because he still wakes at night. He was up every 45 minutes until aged 2. The baby (almost 11 months) on the other hand just sleep feeds herself, neither of us really wakes. I have high hopes for her - pretty sure she would be on 1 or 0 overnight feeds if it wasn't for nursery and her complete milk refusal there all day!

What about the middle ground of a cot adjoining your bed? They are still next to you and so not in and out of bed all night, but on a different mattress with their own defined space?

also recommend white noise - more for you than the baby. I slept in the same room as my twins for 11 months, and in the end It was more for my benefit than theirs - covers up all the small annoying noises, but can still hear them cry. still use it to sleep today, even though I now sleep mostly alone😁

I am sure you have figured out by now, but there are no one size fits all solutions with kids. Some are just terrible sleepers (I have one like that!) and what you and deal with as a parent will be different from anybody else. Pick the combination that ensures you are as well rested as possible.

Put your duvet back on, don't get cold! A mums brain doesn't really turn off even when sleeping so it won't go on your baby if you position yourself right.

Don't bother with the cuddle curl. Once she's latched off. Position yourself however you like.

The guidance is guidance and it's helpful but it's up to you to choose how close to it you stick. You won't be putting your baby in danger by not being in the 'cuddle curl'.

I love this idea!!!

OP my baby sounds similar to yours.

Only sleeps with my boob in her mouth, hence we cosleep.

If boob falls out and she isn't in a deep sleep she starts rooting again.

But I'll take it over waking up 10000 times a night to feed. She's only 3 months and I'm hoping eventually I'll be able to sneak away once she's asleep and just leave her to sleep in my bed whilst I sleep in the next room.

I've been co sleeping with my little one since 6months, he's now a year old. I think it just depends on baby he tends to be a good sleeper in my bed in cot he would constantly wake.

4 month old babies are generally really hard, sleep free work as far as I can tell. Roll the baby over you when you change sides rather than climbing over you. Or lean further forward so your top breast reaches far enough down to your baby

Have you tried a co sleeper cot? You don’t actually disturb eachother really then.

I think for little ones who are cluster feeders and bed sleepers it really is more if a least bad thing than a revelation of wonderful sleep. Mine still wanted me sat up to feed but at least I didn't have to get out of ved 3 million times a night. Although I did master the cuddle curl pose and sleeping in it. I also wore jumpers to keep me warm above the waist. She got older, fed less and was still a horrific sleeper. She is also quite a cuddler. Now we have lovely snuggles. We do have the odd night where she wriggles around and kicks me in the face and it is not so cute but mostly she is just a wee snuggle bug.

Thanks all for sharing, and shout out to the other co-sleep haters 😂

I think it comes down to latching without us waking up fully - we’re nowhere near this and tbh I don’t think it’s going to happen based on our anatomy.

Going to try having her next to me but still feed sitting up - as one person said, at least I’m not getting out of bed. Also white noise for my sake is a great shout.

i think if we can make it through to six months without going mad im going to do gentle sleep training. Right now she still seems too little bit long term I know I will be a better mum if I am sleeping.

Yes to sore arm and awkward position you can’t move from. Yes to being chilly. It wasn’t quality sleep (for me) but it was preferable to being “properly” woken 5+ times a night. DS knew where I was and would latch if needed but it would wake me. We sleep trained at 6 months.

I didn’t love it but it was better than falling asleep with them sitting up in my arms. I got marginally more sleep and it was a lot more safe than that option. Bless the cosleeper cot suggestion. No, mine wanted to be on the same sleep surface as me, yes they could tell

The pjs with tit holes exist.. 😂. they are nursing pjs. I used these with mine www.lilyandribbon.com/products/pink-bamboo-maternity-nursing-pyjamas

Are you in a double bed? Is it just you and the baby or is there a partner there too? When I co-slept, DH was banished to the spare room for a few months, so I had the double bed with the baby, and I didn't have to sleep squished up. I wore a dressing gown on cold nights, which could be undone to feed.

I agree on all counts OP. My boobs are also too small for some feeding, I have to get into such an awkward position to manage it that I'm almost lying on top of him and feel like I'm more likely to squish him if I fall asleep. I'd much rather get up a few times in the night and have good quality sleep in the bits between than spend all night uncomfortable and anxious. But hey, it clearly works for some!

I co slept, far preferable to going into another room 5-6 times a night, neither of mine slept more than 90 minutes at a stretch