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Original poster

Co-sleeping: am I missing something?

37 replies

NorthernExpat · 25/12/2022 18:55

Mum to a “lively” 4-month old so sleeping terribly and exhausted to the point of despair. Keep reading threads on this board about how co-sleeping saved people’s sanity but I’ve tried it and it’s horrific - what am I doing wrong?

Baby in bed with me means being woken by little claws grabbing at my boob every time either of us stirs, the constant infuriating “eh eh” noise of bottomless need, the throbbing shoulder as I contort myself to keep her in the “cuddle curl”, freezing my tits off without the duvet and she still cries every time I clamber over her to switch sides because boob 1 is exhausted.

Tell me again how this is helping please? 😬 Or better still tell me how you made it work for you?

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BiasedBinding · 25/12/2022 23:09

3ormorecharacters · 25/12/2022 22:41

I agree on all counts OP. My boobs are also too small for some feeding, I have to get into such an awkward position to manage it that I'm almost lying on top of him and feel like I'm more likely to squish him if I fall asleep. I'd much rather get up a few times in the night and have good quality sleep in the bits between than spend all night uncomfortable and anxious. But hey, it clearly works for some!

Ah you see, the big difference is you getting up just “a few times a night” and getting “good quality sleep in between”. That isn’t happening for the reluctant cosleepers.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 25/12/2022 23:27

Good grief just put the baby in his own bed you are torturing yourself a d there's no need for it all babies cry just leave him for a bit and he will work it out.

Miriam101 · 26/12/2022 00:00

Co-sleeping was hell on earth for me. I just couldn't do it for more than a few weeks. I think I'm a really light sleeper so all it meant for me was yet another broken night but without the comfort of at least being able to sleep in any damn position I wanted to!

Actually, in retrospect, it felt like the crystallisation of all I disliked about motherhood at that point- having to (literally) contort myself into some ridiculous and unnatural position and in doing so deprive myself of the most basic of needs: being able to lie in my own bed as I wanted, having a period of time to myself just to be.

Never managed to not wake up when they were latching and feeding. Never managed to fully switch off in terms of whether they were safe/breathing/being suffocated by my arms/boobs/head/pyjamas/duvet. Argh!

So I don't blame you OP- I just think some people are more suited to it than others. A few years on, mind, and I don't regret it: mine are both v happy sleeping in their own beds and don't really know what to do wth themselves on the rare occasions they come in with us!

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3ormorecharacters · 26/12/2022 02:30

BiasedBinding · 25/12/2022 23:09

Ah you see, the big difference is you getting up just “a few times a night” and getting “good quality sleep in between”. That isn’t happening for the reluctant cosleepers.

Show quote history

Ah it didn't happen with my first - just 8 months of crap sleep! I was still more comfortable and less anxious with her in her own space though.

WandaWonder · 26/12/2022 02:33

I figured they made baby beds for a reason plus we didn't want to roll over the baby by accident, he did come in with us a couple of times that was about it

superorganisms · 26/12/2022 03:10

I could have written this! I've tried co-sleeping with both of mine and it's been crap both times. I don't understand how people find lying down breastfeeding comfortable? I have to lean at an awkward angle to get mouth to nipple which is super uncomfortable and no chance to if sleeping while that's happening. Then staying in one position all night, being cold, thrashing babies who are still having to be on their back and not on you, and so are still pissed off... can't work out why people love it tbh

LadyOfTheFliessssss · 26/12/2022 03:32

I co-slept as it was the least worst option.

I wore a thick dressing gown to bed and then took one arm out of it, duvet on up to my waist, unbuttoned pyjama top on. I then slept rigidly with the free arm around the baby.

He kicked the crap out of me. I think he was about ten by the time he was able to share a bed with me without kicking me and that includes in a king size.

He was sleeping a lot more in his cot by six months though so hang on!

BiasedBinding · 26/12/2022 05:32

3ormorecharacters · 26/12/2022 02:30

Ah it didn't happen with my first - just 8 months of crap sleep! I was still more comfortable and less anxious with her in her own space though.

Show quote history

You must still have been getting enough sleep that way for it to be the better option. That’s what I’m saying. I had crap sleeping with cosleeping but it was still the least worst option.

summerlovingvibes · 26/12/2022 05:43

@NorthernExpat white noise saved me!

SofiaAmes · 26/12/2022 06:15

I co-slept with Ds until 6 months. Kicked DD out of my bed by the time she was 6 weeks old as she was stealing all the covers and snuffling a lot. However by the time she was three DD was back in my bed and co-slept with me until she was 15. She's now 20 and a remarkably healthy and independent young lady at University.
It really depends on the child and your tolerance for their bedtime behaviors. There really is no right answer except the one you pick for you.

MooMa83 · 29/01/2023 08:31

How are things now OP? Interested as currently co sleeping with my 4 month old.

Original poster

NorthernExpat · 29/01/2023 10:56

Much better. She’s in the next to me cot all night maybe 2 nights out of 3 and we’re down to one night feed. We had a couple of rough nights weaning her off the boob-on-demand to settling next to me with a cuddle and patiently singing the same lullaby. Then we worked on getting her in the cot at bedtime which is mostly there, a bit more mixed in the middle of the night if she wakes and can’t settle herself.

To be honest I think it’s 50/50 down to patiently setting the boundary and her levelling up developmentally. So hang in there but also don’t be afraid to try and change things gradually if it’s not working for you I guess?

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