Two year old food refuser off with me for two weeks

[Getinajollymood]

DS has just turned two. He is mostly OK at eating at nursery, and he eats a wide variety of foods there. At home, it’s fair to say his appetite has never been as good as at nursery and it took me a long time to even get to the point of three meals a day but he did seem to get better at one point. Now, he’s got worse again.

I do think some of it may be related to teething and/or a cold but he just is not eating. Yesterday he had a bit of cereal (tiny portion) and cottage pie and peas. That wasn’t too bad, small portion though. But then he point blank refused anything else, so went from midday to bedtime (when he had milk) with nothing.

Today we had a mouse sized portion of porridge and a tangerine but he’s refused lunch.

It’s a real concern, and any advice I’ve had has just focused on sitting at the table with him which unfortunately just doesn’t work, he gets very agitated.

He is very good in all other respects but the lack of eating is so stressful. Has anyone had this and tried anything that works?

Just wanted to offer solidarity as I have an 18 month old who is refusing most meals at the moment and it's stressing me out 😫She didn't eat any dinner last night (just had a yoghurt) and then barely any breakfast this morning. She's currently eating peanut butter on toast and I'm willing her to finish it!

I have over 29 years experience with children. As long as they are drinking and not losing a lot of weight it's nothing to be overly concerned about. I have always been advised by dieticians (my eldest and youngest have them) that you should monitor the food intake over a week rather than a day as they can eat lots one day and not so much the next. Is LO ok Wright wise and been following their line? If so just keep an eye on weight and if you notice a big drop get them checked out.
My youngest is my worst eater, she was in hospital last week for strep a and I mentioned she hasn't eaten alot that week and nurse said as long as she's drinking they aren't worried about food. Kids eat when they are hungry.

Thanks, both. @VoyageInTheDark it really is stressful, isn’t it? I hate food being a source of stress.

@iusedtohavechickens i think it will be interesting as normally his week is broken up with three nursery days where generally he eats well. I would not be surprised if he eats next to nothing these two weeks!

Is he drinking plenty @Getinajollymood? How is his weight gain?

He is drinking plenty thanks. Yesterday he ate next to nothing - refused lunch but did eat some spaghetti hoops for dinner.

Today marginally better - one boiled egg and quarter of a slice of toast for breakfast, a tangerine, some mash, carrot and broccoli at Christmas dinner, a tiny bit of strawberries and jelly and a fish finger for tea (needless to say he was offered more!) He then swiped my smoked salmon - was pleased to be honest - and also ate two Ella’s kitchen cereal bars (they were in my bag and I gave him one and then he fooled his Nanny into giving him another!) Oh, and another tangerine

So slightly random food wise but not too bad really. Thanks for asking

My DD ate very little at home. I know it's stressful but I'd try not to worry.

What he ate yesterday seems like enough, perhaps he's just picking up on your stress on the other days? I know that I used to get stressed. How about trying things like cooking a batch of blueberry pancakes for everyone's breakfast and then heading out to the park so that he can build up an appetite?

DD was always asking for snacks as well but if she had snacks there was no way she'd eat her meals.

Have you read My Child Won't Eat? Sadly it was out of print when DD was that age but it's back now and often gets recommendations on MN.

And if you've weighed and measured him recently and he's plotting his centiles, I'd just try and relax. I know that's more difficult to say than do but toddlers are wonderful at self regulation and he might just need less calories when he's home because he's less active

@PritiPatelsMaker yesterday wasn’t too bad at all but most of it was me feeding him. Left to his own devices he would have eaten the egg, cereal bars and smoked salmon (which is why I was pleased although gutted to lose my smoked salmon!) and tangerine. Meal times are exhausting as you have to keep encouraging and persuading.

He has visibly lost weight- we don’t have scales at home as lost them when we moved house and I can get a bit obsessive about my own weight. I’ve tried really hard not to stress him out but it’s possible I have inadvertently done so; the difficulty is without reminders and encouragement he just doesn’t eat!

If he looks thinner, has he got taller?

I wouldn't worry too much.
What's different about nursery? Does he respond better to eating socially? Is there food different?

Possibly @PritiPatelsMaker , I just noticed how baggy his trousers were yesterday

@Beamur yes, he definitely seems to enjoy eating with the other children. For some madly frustrating reason this isn’t extended to when he eats with us: yesterday at Christmas dinner he was wanting to get down after two bites. It’s really frustrating.

If Christmas dinner is anything to go by, whatever is on your plate will be much tastier than his (even when it’s the exact same). Let him swipe your food. Or tell him he won’t like X, or it’s just for grown ups.

This is how 3 year old nephew ended up eating 4 carrots for dinner yesterday!

Ok so if you think he's lost weight or got taller I think the first thing you should do is to weigh and measure him and plot it in his red book. If he has actually lost weight rather than not gaining, he'll need to see a Doctor.

I know - I wish he would! He doesn’t show an interest when it’s on a plate but maybe if I do get something I really genuinely love he might steal it! Might have to try to find a Tesco express somewhere with smoked salmon

I think he has genuinely been under the weather but he would probably eat a bit more at nursery than for me, although I am slightly encouraged by yesterday. I just wish it wasn’t such hard work though. It would be so nice if we could all enjoy eating together rather than me sitting with him (and inevitably getting whatever he’s eating wiped on my top, in my hair, sigh) persuading him to eat.

It would be so nice if we could all enjoy eating together rather than me sitting with him (and inevitably getting whatever he’s eating wiped on my top, in my hair, sigh) persuading him to eat.

Have you tried just putting the food in front of him for a few days and not encouraging him? So you all eat and talk and just blithely ignore any protests or messing about with his food and eat your food?

It’s worth a go and we probably should but (and I know this will sound a bit feeble) it’s easier said than done to try to eat with whining that turns into crying and screaming.

He isn’t like that most of the time, either. It’s difficult as advice is contradictory: I know eating at the table is good but also I want to keep mealtimes relaxed and stress free and definitely aren’t if DS is screaming all the way through!

Kids and eating can be so stressful and actually reading what he's eaten he has eaten a variety of different flavours and textures which is good for his age. I don't think he is doing too bad OP.

It sounds like this is a really big stress trigger for you and he could be picking up on that. Nursery don't have the resources for somebody to sit with him and guide him with ever mouthful which may be why he eats more there. Have you ever tried eating with somebody encouraging you with every bite, it makes you feel uneasy.

Cant you and your little boy both find your love for food over these 2 weeks, stress a bit less about him eating and let him explore and eat freely, eat together and talk about something he likes not what he's eaten/not eaten, also cook/ bake with him. At this age a healthy relationship with food is more important and that's playing, cooking and enjoying it.

Obviously if you are worried about his weight and he is loosing weight you could take him to your nearest children's centre, they have scales there you could probably weigh him on and normally people trained on helping with food/ weaning and all that other stuff.

I say all this and my kids have eaten thr best part of a selection box yesterday, normal routine and eating starts again in the new year 🙃 😅

If he’s very ‘good’ in other ways, this could be his way of exerting control. Be very wary of getting into a power battle around this.

This. Just put it down in front of home and say ‘there you go’. That’s it.

I honestly couldn't tell you what my 2 year old (25months) eats. I put food in front of him and his sisters when they are finished they get down and put their left overs in the bin. As long as he has enough energy to run around all day then I really don't pay it any attention at all. He does generally seem to have a tiny appetite and will often get down from the table quickly

You could try making sure the food you do offer is high in calories so full fat yoghurts and milk. Depending on speech can he tell you what hed like to eat or maybe helping you do some cooking would help. Food is about the only thing in their lives that toddlers can control so it makes sense they like to excerise this

What is it about nursery that makes him more likely to eat there?

Do you think it’s possible you’re unintentionally causing the stress around eating at home and this is why he isn’t wanting to eat?

I remember mine all having phases with being less hungry at times as toddlers- I think it’s better to try not to react. Your job is to provide a good variety of food but not to make them eat it. Obviously see a GP if you think there might be a medical reason but it sounds like a normal toddler phase to me. I would possibly consider toddler vitamins while they’re going through this phase.

Have you tried giving him more milk? DS was still being breastfed at that age and hardly ate anything till he was 16 months and I’m not sure he was that good an eater as a toddler either. When he was ill he went off food again and would drink more milk Maybe offer him some (cows?) milk during the day to keep his weight up? Have you checked his mouth? Anything like hand , foot and mouth and DS wouldn’t eat a thing.
hes 11 now btw and eats tons 🤣

@Superfrog3 i know and honestly, that isn’t my first go to if you like. What happens is he sits at the table and then after two minutes starts wanting to get down. It starts with whining and then it’s arched back, screaming, it’s awful.

So you get him down and look at a book or a toy and then you can get a bit more down him. Left to his own devices he just wouldn’t eat. It isn’t that he’s a fussy eater, it seems more complex than that in a way.

@Rainallnight I’ve explained, this just doesn’t work. If it was as simple as that we wouldn’t be struggling this much.

@CiderJolly i think he likes sitting with the other children but short of finding a little army of toddlers I just can’t replicate that at home. I’ve acknowledged already it might be my fault but again short of eradicating myself from family life for a week (if only) I don’t see how I can avoid that.

Thanks @User963 , he does have a drink of milk in the morning and again before bed.

I wonder if he eats more at nursery because it is 'hands off' and the pressure is less? (Staff won't have time to sit soley focussed on him and spoon feeding him every meal) It sounds like he has a lot of focus put on him at mealtimes at home, and by not eating he gets a lot of attention. How are your acting skills? Could you adopt the attitude of 'it's my job to provide the food, your job to eat it'? Remove all the stress of eating. All eat together, but don't mention the food at all or cajole, just chat about the day like you would normally with friends and family, then clear the table without a fuss when everyone is done. I have always tried to limit comments about what has been eaten to the same level I would make to DH/another adult. It will take a few days for him to cotton on he is gaining nothing from going hungry.

I agree with the PP about looking at meals over the course of a week too. It sounds like yesterday he ate a good quantity. Could he have egg more often for breakfast? That is a fair amount of calories and nutritious. Could you afford him a tiny portion of smoked salmon with it too, given he likes it? You can buy cheaper packs of trimmings, which would actually be easier to portion out to him. The salmon thing made me laugh though - they always want the thing on your plate that you're really looking forward to and least want to share! (This is also a tactic you can turn to your advantage). Does he get the same meals as you? My DC1 would have been very put out to have something different to me and DH, and wasn't keen on 'kid's food' - she wouldn't touch a fish finger for years unless it was peeled (her sister is a different story and would live on beige food given the choice, so not a boast, just a statement of her oddities).

What would happen if you left out a grazing plate on the coffee table? Would he help himself to bits over the course of a few hours? That can also work well as a tactic if you fill it with healthy foods. We have a film night once a week when we eat in front of the TV, and I often bring a plate of chopped raw veg in well before dinner is ready under the pretence I am starting to set up to eat. It is amazing how much disappears before dinner is served!