Two year old food refuser off with me for two weeks

[Getinajollymood]

DS has just turned two. He is mostly OK at eating at nursery, and he eats a wide variety of foods there. At home, it’s fair to say his appetite has never been as good as at nursery and it took me a long time to even get to the point of three meals a day but he did seem to get better at one point. Now, he’s got worse again.

I do think some of it may be related to teething and/or a cold but he just is not eating. Yesterday he had a bit of cereal (tiny portion) and cottage pie and peas. That wasn’t too bad, small portion though. But then he point blank refused anything else, so went from midday to bedtime (when he had milk) with nothing.

Today we had a mouse sized portion of porridge and a tangerine but he’s refused lunch.

It’s a real concern, and any advice I’ve had has just focused on sitting at the table with him which unfortunately just doesn’t work, he gets very agitated.

He is very good in all other respects but the lack of eating is so stressful. Has anyone had this and tried anything that works?

Ds 2.5 is a terrible eater at the moment. He’s been ill on and off this autumn and now I never know it’s he’s going down with the next cold and no appetite or he just doesn’t want to eat it.

If it’s any help, Yesterday (Christmas day) he ate:

Breakfast: Waffles, with yogurt and berries ( about 1/4 of his toddler portion, so not much)

In restaurant lunch :1/4 soft roll, about 2 French fries, teaspoon of custard

a baby oat bar, some Xmas chocolate and milk at some point over the afternoon

dinner: x2 pigs in blankets, a few grapes, piece brie.

That was actually the most He has eaten in weeks in one day, and none of it a full meal or portion.
I use toddler size plates and correct small portions he used to eat 90% of. Now lucky if he eats 20%

i think it is the other children. At home, if he has pressure off, he just doesn’t eat. He has always been a poor eater with me, but when he went in the toddler room at nursery seemed fine. But I really can’t have days of him eating a mouthful of food.

@Getinajollymood is it just you & your ds for most mealtimes?
Have you tried a teddy bears picnic as a one off? Maybe start to try to link eating & fun in his mind?

I think you modelling good behaviour is enough at this age. I don’t think mine would sit very long either, and I’m not saying this is good advice but we often ate on laps with CBeebies on or on a blanket in the living room or garden (when warm enough). If eating at the table I would always have things to keep them entertained at that age. In pubs they always have crayons and colouring in sheets don’t they? So I think it’s really typical toddler behaviour that they can’t sit still for long.

I think you need to stop the cajoling and try and remove the stress at mealtimes even if it means he gets down after 2 minutes. As long as he is safe carry on eating yours. Put foil on his and try again later.

Does he have much milk? Mine still loved milk at that age and if you get the toddler formula it will have vitamins added so at least you know he isn’t missing anything essential.

But I really can’t have days of him eating a mouthful of food.

Yes you can

I know it's difficult but you really need to relax about this. It's your juice to offer food, it's up to him if he eats or not.

Some things that helped us were:

No encouragement

Ignoring all protests

Not offering alternatives

Looking at what they eat over a week is usually a good idea too. It can take the pressure off an individual meal or a day.

I think that you really do need to weigh and measure him and if he's losing weight, see a Doctor. If he's not losing weight you perhaps need to work on your own anxiety about this

Then he wakes through the night because he’s hungry @PritiPatelsMaker and so …

Thanks @CiderJolly , eating in front of the tv does work to a point but you still have to remind him and cajole a bit.

What do you do when he wakes in the night because he's hungry?

The problem is he doesn’t say ‘I am hungry’ but it’s just generally an unsettled night and I’m struggling as it is (pregnancy insomnia - if I sound grumpy I’m not, just completely exhausted.)

Hopefully when he’s older and understands bribery and coercion better I may get somewhere but right now it’s so stressful as despite what people say I can’t have him not eat for a fortnight!

If he is a bit unwell, does his throat hurt when swallowing?
Maybe frozen yogurt etc and (cold) drinks?

You’ve said some interesting points. You’ve said you have your own weight issues….. does this extend to eating and food etc?

I expect your boy may be eating better at nursery because there is routine and consistency , and with that is stability. Which children thrive within.

also they will be busier at nursery so he builds up an appetite. Plus smaller and fewer snacks most likely so the kids won’t be grazing all day which gives their bodies time to build up an appetite again.

i think you need to decide on what’s your priority……. If you feel the need to chase him around drip feeding food all day because you can’t handle the thought of him not eating….. then make peace with that and do it guilt and stress free.

beacuse there’s lots of tactics being suggested here and you’re not really entertaining them. Likely you’ve fabled in all of them and given up when he’s resisted.

but the basic principles that work for me: (I’m a nanny)

set mealtimes and (minimal , healthy) snack

All meals at the table.

food is not discussed or bribed. Certainly emotions kept out of it

eat together. Model healthy eating habits

happy for you to PM me for tips to phase out bad habits and introduce new ones so as you’re not going cold turkey which can be super stressful

I think that the toddler years are the hardest with eating.
Forget all your visions of nice family meals with children that eat anything!
The world is full of things that are much more interesting than sitting down at a meal, especially with adults - too boring.
Personally, I'd work with what you have. Offer small amounts of food at mealtimes and more small snacks in between.
If he wakes in the night hungry - offer exactly the same boring snack every time, ours was a dry oatcake and a cup of water. Enough to stop the rumbles but not nice enough to wake up for (mine was a toddler who loved a bit of company in the night) and gently give the reminder that eating your dinner stops you waking up hungry in the night. He is only 2 and doesn't know this, or make those connections yet.
I also had a toddler who was pretty disinterested in food.

When my older one was that age, they used to eat a lot better out of the house as the fresh air made them hungry. I used to make up a little 'picnic box' of tiny cheese sandwiches, nuts, carrot and cucumber sticks and cut up apple and strawberries and let them pick at it while in the buggy during our long walks...we'd seldom come back with much left in the box. If they're getting some food at other times, then you can worry less at meals and just focus on the social aspects.

I think that sitting at the table and making an issue of it, to the point that he gets agitated, is probably making the situation worse. I understand your worry though.

I ate very little as a child, and there was a lot of stress around it, sitting at the table and not allowed to leave, as I got older being threatened with “going to hospital to have a tube down your throat”, being made to ‘try’ things, no pudding if don’t eat main, all that stuff, I was skinny but that was also my build.

When I was 18 I suddenly got more hungry and wanted to try new things. I now eat absolutely everything (and am currently about a stone overweight!)

One of my DD’s is like I was, probably even more limited diet. She has a beige diet and her main food is weetabix, even at 12. I give her multi vitamins and iron and leave her to get on with it (luckily she eats fruit too).

Apparently my mother was just the same and only ate chips until she was 21! (So I’m not sure why she didn’t have more empathy with me). My other DC eat everything so there must be a genetic element.

@StarsandStones it could well be that.

@Annonnimouse its so frustrating when people do that. I’m not ‘not entertaining’ things but I’m explaining what happens when we try them and sometimes things just don’t work. Maybe it is me but then what do you suggest I do? DS isn’t going to eat any more if I pack my bags and fuck off, is he? Sorry if that sounds sharp but it is true.

@Beamur i guess I just want him to eat normally … ish! I don’t mind not having family mealtimes - if I did I would not be doing as I do now - but at the same time it does mar the time I spend with him and I hate that. Because we can’t not eat at all!

It's a phase and it will pass 😊
It won't always be like this. Keep trying and modelling the behaviour you want to see, he's learning.
Is there any other tactics to keep him occupied while you eat too? I had a small box of toys (really small) that only came out at mealtimes - had something like a toy dinosaur and a couple of other things, these were not played with at any other time, so kept a degree of novelty. Switch one out for something new every few days. Or stickers. Plus actively engaging and chatting with them so that mealtimes are interesting and sociable.
As DD got older she didn't need these props and was able to sit and take part in meal times better.

OP, why can’t he sit with you at family mealtimes and either eat what he wants (my DD will appear with her own bowl of weetabix or I’ll give her toast if she isn’t able to eat any of what we are having or she will just eat the pasta from a meal - as I keep some separate for her so it doesn’t have sauce on it ), or if he is really not hungry, just sit with you for the social aspect and not eat at all
?

you can always put a plate in front of him and tell him to ask if he wants to try anything and then you will put a little on his plate

Same with nightime - can you offer him food every evening just before bed? Something of his choice - although not sweets obviously. There is no need for a “if you don’t eat your dinner you go to bed hungry” attitude, it’s just food.

He may grow up to be someone who always grazes a big and doesn’t like to eat much at set meals.

Because he doesn’t want anything @LimePickles

I do think he’s worse than usual at the moment though which does seem linked to something - teeth or virus or something. Will ring 111 tomorrow if he’s still like this.

How are you doing?

Hi @StarsandStones - up and down. It turns out he has an ear infection which explains a lot of the behaviour - his sleep has been terrible disturbed and eating has always been hit and miss but I was genuinely getting worried he’d waste away - daft I know but it is a worry!

He ate quite well yesterday though and today ate a bowl of cereal, some pear and a cheese sandwich so not bad. Thank you for asking. I’m still struggling with getting him to sit at the table but he will out of the house so I guess like a lot of kids he’s more of a monkey in his own home than out of it!

I hope he recovers 0grom his ear infection. At that age if my DC ate the equivalent of one meal a day I felt like I was winning at life

Definitely! I need to chill out about it as it stops me enjoying parenting him but it’s so hard when you feel they are going to bed hungry / thirsty.