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Original poster

My kids are irritated by my partner

47 replies

Biscuitfiend1 · 23/12/2022 17:03

I’m in a pickle. I live with my partner and my children (not his) who are in their teens. He is kind and helpful and tries hard to do his best. However, he acts ridiculous, to the point of it being embarrassing, and takes great offence when my kids and I (usually because it creates an issue) become irritated. I love him and he loves us but honestly, he is such a man child at times. The trouble is it’s becoming exhausting trying to manage his relationship with the kids as he just doesn’t listen when I tell him to try and reel it in to avoid conflict. What do I do? 😖

OP posts:
MintJulia · 23/12/2022 17:16

If they don't understand each other, and they can't get on then you put your children first of course. Ask you dp to leave.

Puppers · 23/12/2022 17:23

Well I'd end the relationship because he isn't compatible with your children and obviously they should come first. Or at least I'd ask him to move out and I'd date him without involving the children in the relationship.

Usually when we find family members irritating we can deal with it because we have a deep love for them. Your kids don't love your boyfriend. He's just someone they are forced to share their home with and they find his company unpleasant. I understand that there's no malice in his behaviour and you like him, but do you want your kids running out of the door as soon as they have the means to be independent, with an overriding memory of their home with you being an uncomfortable and annoying experience?

Original poster
Biscuitfiend1 · 23/12/2022 17:29

Thank you, you have a really good point and it is something to think about. They’re not always at loggerheads and there are times when everyone gets along, but it’s just so frustrating when he can’t see how his silly and dismissive behaviour impacts on us all.

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megletthesecond · 23/12/2022 17:29

I agree with the others. Put your teens first here.

MolliciousIntent · 23/12/2022 18:11

What is he actually doing?

Original poster
Biscuitfiend1 · 23/12/2022 18:15

MolliciousIntent · 23/12/2022 18:11

What is he actually doing?

It’s hard to explain. He acts the fool but when people are busy or not in the mood and it’s not funny. I think he struggles with timing and wants to engage in some way. It’s just frustrating when he does this as my kids get cross, I have to try and explain why and he doesn’t see it or agree, so the cycle continues.

OP posts:
tribpot · 23/12/2022 18:18

It sounds like he's attention seeking? Except he's an adult in a house with actual children in it.

It doesn't sound like this is going to work, how long have you been living together? I'd suggest he needs to move out and you can continue your relationship in separate houses.

YomAsalYomBasal · 23/12/2022 18:18

I think you have a word with him, make him realise this is make or break. He needs to find some other way to try and engage with those around him or he has to go.

Always4Brenner · 23/12/2022 18:20

This would annoy me to be honest.

Ruffpuff · 23/12/2022 18:27

I don’t understand what he’s doing. Can you explain what he’s doing that’s so bad your kids are getting irritated to hell by him?

Original poster
Biscuitfiend1 · 23/12/2022 18:31

It is annoying. If it ended I’d be gutted as he is otherwise kind and loving to us all. I’m just in a quandary as I can see how my kids can struggle with him and unless he changes, I can’t see it improving.

OP posts:
ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 23/12/2022 18:35

Perhaps if you tell him you can't live like this all the time on tenterhooks in case he does it again and if he continues you will have to call it a day.............. he might listen?

Original poster
Biscuitfiend1 · 23/12/2022 18:36

Ruffpuff · 23/12/2022 18:27

I don’t understand what he’s doing. Can you explain what he’s doing that’s so bad your kids are getting irritated to hell by him?

It’s hard to explain. He’ll get involved when their friends are over but makes a fool of himself. Talk at them when they’re busy about something silly and completely off topic. He kind of treats them like babies and it drains them. He is an attention seeker and is probably trying too hard but in the wrong way, if that makes sense? I think the fact that he won’t listen to me when I try and advise him to tone it down is irritating too. He isn’t the best at talking about anything negative.

OP posts:
titchy · 23/12/2022 18:44

You don't have to end it, but it does sound as if he needs to move out - not fair on your dcs always being on eggshells, particularly if they have friends round.

titchy · 23/12/2022 18:46

It does sound like he resents if he's not being the centre of attention though. Which would explain why he isn't prepared to amend his behaviour - because it would mean not having to insert himself into the middle.

Ghostedtree · 23/12/2022 18:46

Kick him out is what you do

You don't need to end the relationship. Buy you do need to send him back to where he came from.

ViburnumFarreri · 23/12/2022 18:48

I’m finding it hard to picture what on earth you could find attractive in this man - he sounds like a right pillock.

worstusernameeverx2 · 23/12/2022 18:50

This sounds exactly like my first step dad. My mum ended up leaving him and it was the best day of my childhood, he really brought me down and he just felt a like an annoying stranger living in my house because I couldn't relate to his weird ways

Original poster
Biscuitfiend1 · 23/12/2022 18:51

ViburnumFarreri · 23/12/2022 18:48

I’m finding it hard to picture what on earth you could find attractive in this man - he sounds like a right pillock.

Your comment made me laugh! He can but not all the time and does have some very lovable traits, it’s just this 😬

OP posts:
Original poster
Biscuitfiend1 · 23/12/2022 18:53

worstusernameeverx2 · 23/12/2022 18:50

This sounds exactly like my first step dad. My mum ended up leaving him and it was the best day of my childhood, he really brought me down and he just felt a like an annoying stranger living in my house because I couldn't relate to his weird ways

I’m sorry you had to go through that. Can I ask if you compared him to your Dad at all? I initially thought that’s what my children could be doing, they idolise him and nobody would compare.

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AWaferThinMint · 23/12/2022 18:53

I think he needs to not live with you. If you want a relationship you two can be together but without the pressure of living together.

hearmywomanlyroar · 23/12/2022 18:55

What others have said. He moves out and you continue dating. Your children have to come first, surely?

BabyFour2023 · 23/12/2022 18:55

ViburnumFarreri · 23/12/2022 18:48

I’m finding it hard to picture what on earth you could find attractive in this man - he sounds like a right pillock.

This. It’s making me cringe imagining a grown man being “silly” with teenagers :/

UntilHootOwlReturns · 23/12/2022 19:12

This sounds exhausting.

Children come first, always.

He needs to live separately to you. No need to inflict him on them.

ViburnumFarreri · 23/12/2022 22:13

Biscuitfiend1 · 23/12/2022 18:51

Your comment made me laugh! He can but not all the time and does have some very lovable traits, it’s just this 😬

Show quote history

Then I reckon it’s worth having a really frank, cards on the table conversation where you lay down some ground rules and tell him that if he can’t stick to those, he’ll need to move out. It’ll be a difficult convo to have, but otherwise I think your only option is for him to move out and you love separately until the kids are older. At least he’ll probably be a great grandad. 😄