My kids are irritated by my partner

[Biscuitfiend1]

I’m in a pickle. I live with my partner and my children (not his) who are in their teens. He is kind and helpful and tries hard to do his best. However, he acts ridiculous, to the point of it being embarrassing, and takes great offence when my kids and I (usually because it creates an issue) become irritated. I love him and he loves us but honestly, he is such a man child at times. The trouble is it’s becoming exhausting trying to manage his relationship with the kids as he just doesn’t listen when I tell him to try and reel it in to avoid conflict. What do I do? 😖

Continuing to make jokes when someone has clearly stated they want you to stop, is bullying.

He is ignoring all your boundaries and demonstrating a lack of respect for you and your dc.

He is making you all feel uncomfortable in your own home on purpose. And when you ask him to stop, he dismisses you by saying it's just a joke.

You can carry on a relationship if you choose op, but please don't subject your kids to this sort of bullying. Ask him to move out.

It must be awful for your kids living with someone who gets on their nerves to this extent as they can't get away from him. They would be happier without him.
He sounds socially inept. We probably all knew someone at school or at work who never quite fitted in, never said/did the right thing at the right time, was never included as one of the gang, carried on the joke after everyone had stopped laughing because they thought it would make them popular.
He's not likely to change, it's his nature. So it's make your mind up time and hopefully, you will put your children first. He ought to move out, at least until they have left home permanently.

Ultimatum time , tell him he either grows up and stops behaving like a dick or you'll have to split.
What's the alternative? 🤷‍♀️

You don’t necessarily have to end things - and I’ll take your word that he’s somebody worth having a relationship with.

But, come on. Just move out.

Why do people insist on moving new partners into homes with children? Just because you think he’s amazing, why do you need to force them to live with a stranger, that they possibly don’t even like, let along have any sort of relationship with?

I actually find this beyond selfish and into downright cruel. Moving a strange man into people’s homes and forcing everyone to live together. I would have loathed it as a child / teenager. Absolutely hated it.

You can still have a relationship without living together.

This isn’t going to get any better, and right now, your kids are seeing that their mother prefer Mr Annoyington over them. How depressing.

He just needs to move into his own house. Job done.

To be honest OP, I’m surprised you need advice on this. What did you think people were going to say? Can you not see the wood for the trees, or something?

What @puppers said. And honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you get fed up with him too and stop finding his manchild behaviour endearing.

Keep the relationship if you want to, but why inflict him on your children? Stop living together.

Agree with all of this.

I feel sorry for your children. I wonder what they will think about you when they are adults.

Yes.
His behaviour sounds covertly aggressive. He knows what he is doing.

Thank you everyone. I’m pretty switched on to these things and genuinely don’t think he’s being covertly aggressive. It is definitely him just thinking he’s funny and not seeing an issue with the fact that most of the time he just isn’t! He does do a lot of nice and caring things for us and will put himself out for anyone, the kids also see this. However, your comments have definitely given me food for thought as it is part of his personality and we’re struggling with it.

ive been one of the DC living with a parents partner who we just couldn’t get
along with. DB moved out at 17 and is now NC with our mum. I stuck around a bit longer but very strained relationship. They are no longer together.

I’m sorry to hear that. It’s not that they don’t get along though.

If this is part of his personality, he's not going to change.

How long did you know him before you moved him in?

Start feeding him chicken nuggets and smiley faces. Treat him like a teen. That means no sex and no adult conversation.. Tell him you forgot he isn't one of your dc.... I was the only adult in my previous marriage.. It was draining.
The thought of your dp makes me cringe op.

Can I ask if you compared him to your Dad at all? I initially thought that’s what my children could be doing, they idolise him and nobody would compare.

It's not always something like this.

Imagine a flatmate moving in an emotionally draining annoying friend who won't leave you alone and demands a share of your attention.

He sounds like he's not gelled with them.

There are more options than "live together or break up".. just get him to move out and remain as your boyfriend. He doesn't have to fill that stepdad Hollywood role and live in the same house. Your DC come first - it's their home too!

Just demote the living arrangements.

Two years and the kids one year. Everyone was getting along fine, I had no concerns. The kids were smaller too so he could get away with his silly antics more. I’d appreciate it if you don’t bash me for moving him in too quickly, no relationship or person is black and white.

Live apart and date once a week, your DC don't have to see him again.

@Biscuitfiend1 I've never met my father so no, he was just a really annoying, hyper, odd person 😂

I don't think you should split up with him if you're otherwise happy in the relationship though, but your kids would be happier living without him it sounds! Do what's right for all of you and have him live somewhere else :)