Dad not doing what I ask

[hollyxbirnie]

My ex is a massive narcissist and he will never ever admit he's wrong. He had our daughter (2) last weekend and I asked him to bath her because she hadn't had a shower for a week, she was really poorly and screams in the shower and gets really upset so I didnt think it was worth putting her through it. She loves the bath so I thought it better to wait because i don't have one. He didn't bath her because he didn't have time, in a full weekend, and she turned up with matted hair that he hadn't bothered to brush

He then had her this Saturday, I asked him to bath her, cut her nails and gave him the elf on the shelf because she absolutely loves waking up to him. He bathed her but didn't wash her hair, didn't cut her nails and didn't do the elf.

I'm so angry at him and told him so, he said I should just be grateful because he got her to poo (she has anxiety about pooing on the potty due to a painful poo) and that him getting her to sit on the toilet was the priority. I sit with her while she screams and cries on the toilet everyday and still manage to get everything else done. She also actually pooed in her knickers because she was so desperate so he didnt really do anything to help it. He is telling me I'm in the wrong for being annoyed and he didn't do anything wrong. Please can someone weigh in here and give opinions cause I'm losing my mind.

So his besotted Dad, was more fun Dad as opposed to up at 1am with a vomiting child Dad?

It's highly likely you can't win, no matter what you do. I'd step back for a bit, see how things go. It's hard to let go of that idea that the other parent should shoulder part of the burden of parenting, because they should. The reality is that the most important thing is to centre your DD in this and it may be best for her if you stop expecting him to step up. Having a lot of conflict between her parents isn't good for your DD. Pick your battles, if he's that type of parent you're going to have to pick your battles carefully and let some things slide for your DDs sake.

How do you feel you’d respond if he criticised your parenting or sent you lists of things he thought you ought to be doing?

https://www.johnstonprams.com/Mobile/en/Jane-Universal-Bath-Tub-Shower-Tray/m-m-2771.aspx?gclid=Cj0KCQiAtICdBhCLARIsALUBFcG6NFcLmpeGGTpJzeRn28IGnTrFWBLohM888nrAWpfxoRip4hct5MaAr5YEALwwcB&utmmsource=google&utmmedium=cpc&utmm_campaign=UnitedKingdom

And she's 2. She might not be ready to poo in a toilet. She might like a nappy to poo in. Don't force that.

Honestly, I'd stop telling him to do things. You could say "she's been ill and hasn't wanted a shower, so would be great if she could have a bath when she's with you". Leave it at that. If he doesn't do it, he doesn't. You really dont have any control over what he does on his time, and getting annoyed and having a go isn't going to help anyone.

Did he criticise you for not washing her in a week?

@RewildingAmbridge

oh come on!

he's a bit small for that!!

Just stop. You did what you thought was the right thing for your daughter (not upset her by giving her a shower all week) and he did what he thought was the right thing to do (not upset her by detangling her hair) Just leave it. Stop telling him what to do - you wouldn't like it if he told you what to do. You both need to step up and clean your daughter, whether she gets upset or not. It needs to be done.

There is a lot of conflict at the moment he seems to not take any kind of criticism which as a parent j feel you need to

I don't think he has to take criticism no. I think it's your job as the parents to be nice to one another.

He could easily have criticised you for not bathing her or cutting her nails but he didn't.

It doesn't sound like you are in a good place right now. Have you thought of having some counselling to help you get over the hurt that you seem to be feeling regarding the break-up?