Something different about my baby - intuition or imagined?

[Namechanged654]

This feels like such a bizarre thing to say, but please bear with me.

My second son is a year old. He's a cheerful, easygoing little thing - everyone remarks on how laid back he is. AFAIK, he's meeting all his milestones and doing everything he's supposed to do. We had a health scare with him a few months ago over suspected seizures but investigations were normal and we've given the all-clear.

The night he was born, I was overcome with this sense that there was something different about him. I pushed it out of my mind because I assumed it was post-birth hormones and, having suffered with PND before, I didn't want to go down that train of thought. But a year on, and I still get that feeling. I can't put my finger on it, there's just something about him that feels different, maybe even slightly uncanny?

I'm actually starting to wonder if it's indicative of some postnatal MH problem, or could it be that I'm picking up on something very subtle? Is this familiar to anyone, or do I sound barking mad?

What do you mean? "Different/uncanny" health-wise?

On general I do believe in a mother's intuition, it comes from knowing your child so well its beyond explanation.

However I can't see how that extends to having a feeling at birth.

You should still try to set your mind at ease if you think there are any symptoms that you can go to your GP with or I expect there is a private option for a 'well baby' type test.

I would also get yourself assessed, tell DH if you haven't already and ask him to be mindful of any changes in your character.

I kind of get it, perhaps I felt the same about Ds too, although he's my first so never had anyone to compare to.

With my Dd things have been so much easier, and I'm pretty certain it's not just because she's our second child.

Do you feel that your child might be neurodivergent?

It's very subtle things in his demeanour - it's very hard to explain. I joked within an hour or so of his birth that he's been here before - he just has a very direct way of looking at you! He's very sociable and friendly, perhaps unusually so. He'll happily crawl up to strangers and hold his arms out to them. He observes things intently and seems to learn processes very quickly. He started throwing tantrums at about 6 or 7 months old, which is perhaps in the range of normal but seems quite early to me?!

My DH has independently said that he worries about him sometimes, specifically about how calm and un-phased he seems to be by his surroundings.

Honestly, I feel really stupid just typing this out but I can't shake this feeling. Maybe it doesn't matter anyway, we all adore him - I just feel like there's something about him that I don't understand?!

... I sound unhinged, I know.

I'll be honest, he sounds like a pretty normal baby to me.

He could be unusually clever? My eldest was a bit like that. I didn't think anything of it but health visitor was astonished at how developed he was. He spoke early, read early and later we discovered had a very high iq. The reason we knew is he was assessed by NHS psychologist as he was neuro divergent. Turned out to be dyslexic. He has other neuro divergent traits that have never been labelled although he himself thinks he might be X or Y. He is an adult now.

Don't know if that helps but your description rang bells with me.

Yes - I won't use the word as it's stigmatised on MN but perhaps he's unusually clever. Enjoy observing him and let him lead you his way.

@Jewel1968 can I ask what your son was like as a baby/toddler?

I guess, yes, if he is later diagnosed as neurodivergent, it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. He just has a certain way or manner about him that I've never observed before in other babies, including my eldest.

I guess I just wondered whether this is something other parents/mothers can relate to, or if it's all completely in my head!

I had this with one of my children who was diagnosed with ASD at age 3. As a newborn he acted so differently to my others (even those who also have ASD).
He looked highly alert and worried a lot , he was smiling at a week old but only at me and I thought I was imagining it till someone else saw 😂. He had a different way of moving I find it hard to explain and sometimes would zone out to the point we were worried he might be having some kind of seizure. He wasn’t he still does it now if overwhelmed!
He didn’t really cry ever except for when he was first born but apart from that he was so quiet. Because if that the few times he was really unwell we knew instantly something was wrong because it was the only time he cried well it was more shrieking.

So yes, a very different newborn experience with him !

I had this very strong feeling with my ds at 2 days old. He has subsequently been dx ND.

I know what you mean. I have an odd feeling about my second child too, he's very different than his sister, very fussy compared to her, and for some reason I have always felt like he's going to be a tragic character. I chalk it up to intrusive thoughts because of how colicky he was as a newborn and I always felt like what if something happened to him and he had such a short life filled with mostly crying? I hope it's just an intrusive though as I hope there's no truth to it! (He's nearly 6 months old now but I still get the feeling...)

It's oddly reassuring to hear that others can relate to this! I don't put much stock in my intuition as I have a tendency to be slightly neurotic, but this sense of his difference isn't an anxiety on my part - it just feels like something I'm instinctively aware of, if that makes any sense.

I'll just keep watching him and learning about him. I can't wait to see what his second year holds - he's suddenly had a big leap in his development and is doing things I find quite intriguing (but which are perhaps totally typical of a 12 month old, who knows?!)

@Endlesslaundry123 this sounds quite upsetting and difficult. I can totally relate to that sense of being able to envisage how their life might play out. I'm sure - for both of us! - there's an element of confirmation bias happening, which just keeps reinforcing our hunch. I hope this isn't causing you too much worry!

My sister used to say this about one of her children. “A bit different” “Just a bit odd” “Not like his siblings were”

As the children grew to adulthood, it became apparent that that child just happened to be much more intelligent than the rest of his family. He wasn’t odd. The ‘difference’ they were sensing was simply intelligence.

Perhaps your baby is just brighter than you 😬

I have said those exact words about mine several times "you've been here before haven't you..".
I just know it. I know it sounds barmy. She's 5 months old. But there's something about her. Everyone has commented from her being just days old how observant she is.
She looks at me and honestly there's just something there like what you're describing.

I was diagnosed autistic a few years ago and my DP wonders if this could be a possibility for her. Who knows.

She's 5 months old but started saying some words 2 months ago. I didn't want to tell anyone in case they made fun or thought we were just making it up. But she's said words infront of both DP and I.

I do really think she's been here before.

Interested - to those who say their children have “been here before”:

If some children have lived other lives here before, then reincarnation is real.

If reincarnation is real, then we’ve all ‘been here before’

In which case (a) reincarnation in itself would not make a baby behave differently from anyone else and (b) so what if the baby in question has lived before, as so has everyone?

@Shol he could well be! There's something inscrutable about him anyway.

@flyinghearts it doesn't sound barmy to me, not at all. This is exactly how my son was as well. As a newborn, it was a bit unsettling sometimes?!

My advice is don’t necessarily ignore your gut but there’s no need to rush into getting answers either.

I felt from the age of about 10 months that my first baby wasn’t like other babies. She was really hard work. Just figured we’d got a highly strung child. That feeling kind of persisted through the toddler and preschool years and into primary school. No one else particularly believed me or voiced any concerns, but I knew it wasn’t normal to have such massive food aversions (that prevented us having normal family outings, even), to flip out over new clothes and shoes and to not be able to play by herself.

Long story short she was diagnosed with autism at 9. It took so long because she was the classic female presentation and didn’t exhibit any of the major red flags you look for.

It was such a relief that I was right all along.

@Shol I use it in a tongue-in-cheek way - I don't really believe in reincarnation but some small children, my son included, have an almost world-weariness about them. Some people describe their kids as "old souls", which I guess is essentially the same thing.

Since the day he was born, my son has had an incredibly direct way of making eye contact, and it feels a lot like I'm looking at another adult, not an infant!

I get you - but also think it sounds barmy! My second baby is an old soul, and I used to joke that he'd been here before. The HV used to say he was like a little Buddha, all chubby and chilled and wise.

He's 16 now and it turns out he's autistic. He is very straightforward. You know where you are with him, and what his needs are. Nothing complicated at all. He is an excellent critical thinker because he is not concerned with fluff and social niceities, just logic and clarity.

My dd is almost 13 and has been told from the very beginning that she’s an ‘old soul’ who’s ‘been here before’. I had a strange experience the morning after she was born, where I rolled over in bed and she was just staring at me so we locked eyes.

She’s not ND but very, very mature for her age and always has been. She was exceptionally bright from toddlerhood through primary school but is balancing out now in secondary (getting more interested in the social side of life, which I’m pleased about in a way).

Cross posted with you! That’s exactly how I would describe that early morning encounter with my baby who was less than 24 hours old, though. Like looking at an adult.

DS8 was reading at 2

He was the brightest little spark and was definitely more tuned in as a baby

His sister is 17m and can hold a basic conversation 🤷🏽‍♀️

I have no idea where I got these children from, I'm going with it and hoping they will have happy lives

Self taught reading at an early age is called hyperlexia. Also goes hand in hand with autism. My son taught himself to read sometime around the age of 3. I can’t pinpoint exactly when it started before he was speech delayed 😄

These ND kids keep us on our toes!