2 year old tantrum in Asda - help me

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DS just turned 2 and we have definitely reached terrible 2's, one thing I just can't/ don't know how to deal with is when I am in a supermarket, he will see some kind of toy (never take him down the toy aisle he usually finds one or something along the way) and has an utter meltdown when I have to leave the toy, move away. I mean on the floor hysterical screaming no pick him up he hits me in the face, I put him down he has a meltdown lays on the floor screaming it usually ends in me abandoning the shop walking out with him in my arms him trying to hit me in the face, him screaming the place down and it's just utterly exhausting, I'm in the process of separating from DH and I'm just running on nothing and it's really testing me, please please please help I am at my wits end I have no way of going without him and just some / any advice

I switched to online shopping and it made life much easier. If I had no choice my daughter was strapped into the trolley at the entrance and not let out until we got back to the car. I would take one of her toys so she could play with it in the trolley seat.

First thing is, we’ve all been there - it’s awful but it will pass.

Can you do click and collect for a while? Or keep him in his buggy or the trolley for a while. Just to stop the trigger point.

Don't go down the toy aisle in the first place. Then for any tantrums for anything else, stay consistent - decide if it is worth the argument or not, if it is, then decide how you want to deal with it. In my experience you have three choices - ignore and carry on shopping while he screams his head off in the trolley, take him out the shop and wait outside with him until he calms down or stay put in one place (find a corner out the way) and wait for him to calm down. Whichever you choose, just stay consistent and don't give in.

Ignore other people if they comment or stare. They are either judging you - which is their problem and you can't do anything about it, or they are watching in sympathy because they have been there and done that themselves.

2 options

In trolley with food to keep him occupied

Or

Completely ignore the meltdown and pretend to keep browsing the products. He will soon learn that a tantrum gets him nowhere.

Online shopping
Telling him before you go into a shop that you are just buying milk, bread or whatever and no toys. Give him a job of remembering and carrying one item
If he likes something say lets take a photo to remember what you want for when it comes to birthday/christmas

Strap him in the trolley so he can't go anywhere and then let him scream. Ignore everyone else giving you dirty looks and see it out. Depending on how stubborn he is, he will learn. Eventually! Good luck.

I will have to try click and collect, I physically cannot get him into the trolly he's too big and fights it it's ridiculous, it's just utterly awful.

I found I had to engage my dc to keep them happy & occupied. So they sat in the trolly and I got them to write a shopping list of every item that went in the trolly. Of course all they did was scribble but that didn't matter. I also handed them the items to put in the trolly behind them. It was tiring but it worked.

I keep mine strapped in the buggy round shops for this very reason and my eldest is 5!
Either that or online shopping
Its so embarrassing but it’s happened to all of us.

Been there. Awful.
I just tried to avoid the toy bits (bloody everywhere, impulse buys at till the worst). When he did the flailing about I ignored and just made sure he wasn't bothering anyone or putting himself in danger (side glance). He soon stopped when mummy wasn't pandering to him.

It's incredibly stressful.

Would he watch cartoons on your phone whilst sitting in the trolley?
It’s so tough OP. Just know that no parent is looking at you thinking ‘can she not control her child?’. God knows we’ve all been through it!

We did online shopping after a memorable tantrum, age 3, in Tesco. My DH picked her up, put her under his arm and marched out... the security guard came running over thinking abduction, but burst out laughing when she was shouting " he's not my daddy, are you daddy?"

Yep, once DD was too big for the trolly I resigned myself to online, or shopping while she stayed with DH.

On the tantrum itself, my only advice is to slightly zone out and chill. Either people have been there/ are nice and will emphathise, or fuck ‘em. They’ll stop eventually.

But shopping with a preschooler takes sooooooo loooooooooong even when they’re in a good mood that it’s just not worth it if possible.

When they saw a toy they liked I’d give them my phone so they could take a picture of it to go on their birthday/Christmas list. Oldest is 8 and this still works!

Oh I've so been there. Left supermarkets in floods of tears carrying a screaming, kicking child lots of times.

There's no magic answer but consistency in how you deal with it is the only way through it.

As another pp said, ignore any stares. I once had a woman say "I'd give him a good slap if he were mine'! So that was helpful.

OP as a parent of a major tantrumerat that age I can honestly say it will get better !!… but I would have stayed clear of shopping for a while it it triggers your dc off and makes you feel stressed. In reality most other parents seeing a toddler having a massive meltdown will have nothing but sympathy but it still feels horrible at the time having to wrestle them out of a public place! .. if you have to shop keep them strapped into the trolly with a snack while you go round x

Thank you all for being so lovely definitely made me feel better about it all and much less lonely thinking I must be the only one, when I look around everyone's little ones are so well behaved healing into the trolley so nice to know I'm not alone!

If I go shopping and see another child having a tantrum I smile to myself and think thank the Lord its not mine for a change.

Honest answer is I avoided supermarkets for a long while and did click and collect or online shop for this very reason (and it wasn't just toys that set her off - not getting the watermelon or whatever other random object she wanted).

Now I firmly set a boundary before we go in about only getting what's on the list and anything else we want, I will take a picture of for later for Santa/birthday etc. 9/10 the item is instantly forgotten about but the ones that are asked about a lot afterwards are her fave gifts later down the line. Took a while to get to this though, 2.5 was my fave ever age so far and I think it was a major turning point.

😂

I sympathise OP. I avoid taking mine at all costs - click and collect all the way.

Let then sit in the large part of the trolley with a snack and fav toy? That’s what I do if I just have a few bits to grab , I only do click and collect for a large shop. Supermarkets are the worse for tantrums but you shouldn’t care what anyone thinks , if it’s a bad tantrum just throw them over your shoulder and leave we have all had to do it.

Let him carry the toy all the way to the check out then say we aren’t allowed to buy it, shall we add it to the birthday or Xmas list? take it out his hand- at least that way when the melt down happens it’s as you’re leaving anyway.

You have to not let them pick up toys in the first place, mine were asked to keep their hands in their pockets in the grabby phase! Alternatively give him a whiteboard and pen and get him to tick things off - then his hands are full. Keep moving quickly.

It is a bloody nightmare but keep trying.

My eldest is six and barely goes in shops because it's not really fun for anyone. I get everything online and delivered.

Don't feel bad, shops are designed to stimulate us to want things (lighting, colours etc), adults might just feel a bit drained by it but kids can flip out. I find online shopping delivery fee pays for itself because you don't make impulse purchases.

Distraction was always my way of resolving trantrums
Ignore the tantrum and say loudly "oh my Goodness , I think I've just seen Santa flying across the sky with his reindeers. No really! Look! Look!"
Until they snap out of it

It does work a treat