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Parenting

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Is my 5yr old’s behaviour normal?

41 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/12/2022 15:49

Sorry if this is long- want to brain dump it all.
Don’t know if I have ridiculously high expectations or my child has an attention deficit disorder. My 5yr olds inability to focus on tasks is causing me so much stress, by the end of the day I feel utterly frazzled with requests to fill her time.

She is full of energy- always has been.

Typical weekend (her and her 2 yr old sister), we usually go out in the morning (park, soft play, farm) and afternoons tend to be home, crafts/ writing etc (she’s never been one for toys). She cannot spend more than 1minute on something.
Went to the feeding farm this morning (she rushes all the way round asking to get to the last animal). This afternoon wants me to do these craft cards I bought, so I lay out the cards and stickers and tissue paper and all manor of craft things- she takes one colour pen and colours the whole card in one colour and says done, “what next”.

She eats her dinner half sitting on a chair, watches the tv standing infront of it.
She also talks non stop- and the more tired she gets the more she talks as if fighting the feeling of tired, my sister witnessed it and agreed it’s almost manic.

No issues raised at school, in fact she’s won awards for good behaviour and work, teacher described her as an “angel”. I am aware though that girls can hide their issues when in school.
But I have googled adhd and not everything matches up. She’s never been physically impulsive, very danger adverse and can focus on her reading and maths homework.
Should also add she has epilepsy, so maybe I’m hyper sensitive as additional needs and epilepsy can go hand in hand.
Can anyone tell me if this sounds usual/ unusual.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 10/12/2022 19:57

Being unable to concentrate on anything for more than a minute isn't typical for a 5 year old, but it sounds like she CAN do it? At school and with homework she's ok?

How do you respond to her behaviour? When she's rushing round the farm/colouring one card/eating her dinner half on a chair etc.?

Grimreapers · 10/12/2022 20:01

Sounds like my kid, perfect student, mature for her age at school, runs around at 80mph and eats dinner upside down.
I just think it's their way if letting of steam after having to be so focused at school.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 10/12/2022 20:10

You need to encourage her to stick longer at a task. When she says what's next say nothing we are doing this. If kids arnt constantly entertained they will play by themselves ! I would be insisting she sits down to eat aswell. You are the parent you need to have expectations and boundaries.

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/12/2022 20:15

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 10/12/2022 20:10

You need to encourage her to stick longer at a task. When she says what's next say nothing we are doing this. If kids arnt constantly entertained they will play by themselves ! I would be insisting she sits down to eat aswell. You are the parent you need to have expectations and boundaries.

Oh yes why didn’t I think to tell her 🙄

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 10/12/2022 20:18

My 3yo is like this, a bit younger, she’s just a bit hyperactive and excitable - it’s her personality I think. Ive noticed it improves when she watches less TV, and does more calming activities like jigsaws and puzzles - completion type tasks. Are you over scheduling her?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/12/2022 20:25

Cuppasoupmonster · 10/12/2022 20:18

My 3yo is like this, a bit younger, she’s just a bit hyperactive and excitable - it’s her personality I think. Ive noticed it improves when she watches less TV, and does more calming activities like jigsaws and puzzles - completion type tasks. Are you over scheduling her?

No I’m very conscious of this. Luckily don’t have to use after school club- does dance on Monday evenings and swimming on Sunday afternoons that’s it.
We always go to parks or soft play on the weekend morning- my 2 year old doesn’t nap and I’d go stir crazy with them at home all day.

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 10/12/2022 20:30

See I think they’re all quite ‘hyper’ activities - certainly soft play! What does she do in terms of less ‘physical’ things? Art, music?

Onceuponawhileago · 10/12/2022 20:36

Turn off the tv while at the table. Insist on slow, seated eating. Pretend you are french and want to produce a perfectly mannered french kid.

Namechangeforthisone2022 · 10/12/2022 20:42

Sensory processing disorder/differences and autism comes to my mind.

Beanbagtrap · 10/12/2022 20:48

My dd is like this. Especially the ond-butt-cheek-on-chair eating style, non stop talking, moving all the time, can focus on some tasks very well but others are torturous. Some people have suggested ADHD but we haven't pursued anything yet as unsure whether she's just...well, a child.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/12/2022 21:11

Onceuponawhileago · 10/12/2022 20:36

Turn off the tv while at the table. Insist on slow, seated eating. Pretend you are french and want to produce a perfectly mannered french kid.

Tv is off- well not for every breakfast but always with dinner

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/12/2022 21:12

Namechangeforthisone2022 · 10/12/2022 20:42

Sensory processing disorder/differences and autism comes to my mind.

Not autism- I’m questioning adhd

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/12/2022 21:14

Beanbagtrap · 10/12/2022 20:48

My dd is like this. Especially the ond-butt-cheek-on-chair eating style, non stop talking, moving all the time, can focus on some tasks very well but others are torturous. Some people have suggested ADHD but we haven't pursued anything yet as unsure whether she's just...well, a child.

Thank you! I always knew she had more energy than most- people told me newborns slept all the time, not her, hours and hours awake feeding (not crying just happily awake), never plays with toys-
loves people, very verbally confident- but we always said “oh well shes 2, 3, 4” but now I’m thinking when will you focus and settle in daily tasks

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/12/2022 21:16

Cuppasoupmonster · 10/12/2022 20:30

See I think they’re all quite ‘hyper’ activities - certainly soft play! What does she do in terms of less ‘physical’ things? Art, music?

Loves colouring and crafts but as per my example it’s rushing.
Loves dancing and singing- no instruments but then she’s only 5 and neither me or her dad are musical so there’s no real push towards that.

OP posts:
Coolyule · 10/12/2022 21:16

My dd was like this at 5. Adhd was suggested to me a few times. Couldn’t sit still at home or school. Couldn’t focus on a task. Very hyper. She’s 7 now and is so much better. Concentrates really well, entertains herself. I think she was just so young and just being a 5 year old. 5 is very very young and many kids can’t sit still and concentrate well at this age

Namechangeforthisone2022 · 10/12/2022 21:19

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/12/2022 21:12

Not autism- I’m questioning adhd

Why not autism, my son had/has no interest in toys never slept, doesn’t sit still, bounces (stims) when watching tv.

Cuppasoupmonster · 10/12/2022 21:38

Namechangeforthisone2022 · 10/12/2022 21:19

Why not autism, my son had/has no interest in toys never slept, doesn’t sit still, bounces (stims) when watching tv.

Autism is an obsession on MN - it’s suggested as the ‘diagnosis’ for anything outside a very very narrow stream of ‘normal’ behaviour. So much so that’s it’s almost becoming meaningless. Anything outside of extremely normal = ‘autism’.

Cuppasoupmonster · 10/12/2022 21:41

Anyway ADHD briefly entered my mind for DD but you know what, she’s just a little kid and I find it depressing how we instantly seek out a ‘diagnosis’ and ‘treatment’ for small children when they’re happy. If her short attention span is seriously holding her back in future years and she wants help, I’ll consider it then, but for now she’s just my little whirlwind and being herself.

bellamountain · 10/12/2022 22:03

Your daughter sounds like my DS, very similar behaviour. The only thing my DS can focus on is the iPad, he has no interest in toys really, never has. His younger brother can play with toys for hours on end. It's almost like my eldest doesn't know how to relax. He has tics that come and go, hates loud noise so there is definitely some hypersensitivity/sensory issues. He's also very emotional. Does your DD get emotional? Is she hard to console?

I have no problems with him at school. He's as good as gold by all accounts but in a class of 30, I can't imagine the teachers have a great deal of time to focus on things out of the ordinary unless a child is disruptive to be honest.

BertieBotts · 10/12/2022 22:12

She does sound like my DS who has ADHD. But I agree with the PP that said if she's happy, and you're happy, you don't need to do anything. There's no different parenting for ADHD.

If she's struggling, or you're struggling, then it might help to have some concrete answers.

Namechangeforthisone2022 · 10/12/2022 22:29

Cuppasoupmonster · 10/12/2022 21:38

Autism is an obsession on MN - it’s suggested as the ‘diagnosis’ for anything outside a very very narrow stream of ‘normal’ behaviour. So much so that’s it’s almost becoming meaningless. Anything outside of extremely normal = ‘autism’.

Well my child is autistic so it’s nothing to do with an ‘obsession’ I can see parallels but sorry for giving my lived experience.

orbitalcrisis · 10/12/2022 22:33

My son was like that when younger. A lot of people suggested ADHD but it was actually autism. Lots of children have short attention spans though, let her entertain herself at times, you don't always have to have an activity organised.

IWasFunBeforeMum · 10/12/2022 22:43

Turn off the TV at mealtimes for a start

SkankingWombat · 10/12/2022 23:34

At 5 it can still be a bit soon to tell the difference between an ND child who can mask well and one who is just a little less mature than their peers IME, but from what you've described I would be keeping an eye on it and listing what you're seeing. Certainly DD was explained away as socially immature/young in year etc etc at that age (as parents we had niggling doubts this was soley the case, but had to wait it out) as she still fell mostly within 'normal' ranges, albeit at the lower end. Now at 8yo, the differences are much more stark and she was diagnosed finally with ASD and ADHD in September. She is very similar to your DD's description OP (plus some!). If you have concerns, raise it with the school via email. With 30 DCs in a class, signs can be easily missed (particularly in girls) unless they are consciously looking. DD's school ran a couple of observations of her after I emailed my concerns, which in turn flagged behaviours previously unnoticed in the classroom.

I'd be wary of those saying if everything's fine now and she's happy not to pursue it yet. If you wait until it becomes a problem, you will then have a potential 2 year wait to be assessed with everything quickly deteriorating in the meantime. Personally, we chose to begin investigating things before the wheels started to come off, having seen the horrific results of waiting until crisis point before seeking help with a family member.
Also, the 'over-scheduling causing the issues' thing can be nonsense too in an ND child. To get any kind of decent sleep, DD needs a lot of vigorous exercise. She is not going to get that from hanging out at home. She has swim training x3 a week, an hour of martial arts, and does Cubs on top of normal walking/park visits/PE etc.

mackthepony · 10/12/2022 23:58

How's their diet?

And is there loads of physical activity? I mean they need to be ideally running around outside for around 3 hours a day. I know this can be difficult to achieve!