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Original poster

How to manage childcare when DD is off Nursery unwell

32 replies

Jadey31 · 07/12/2022 21:53

Hi All, after some advice please.

My DD is 2 and has been at nursery for 6 months now.

All was going really well then this last couple month we have both been constantly ill ever since. I currently work 3 days a week as a design engineer so my role is quite demanding and I struggle to get my work done in 3 days but I don't want to go full time just yet and miss out on days with my DD. I've probably only worked a full work (3 Days) twice in the last 2 months after having to take time off with either myself or my DD being poorly. I've had tonsillitis twice and my daughter has had HFM, conjunctivitis and now an ear and chest infection along with high temperatures along the way. I understand it's the time of year and kids picks up every virus going but how do you cope with childcare when they aren't at nursery?

We cannot rely on grandparents/family as my in laws live nearly 3 hours away and my parents both work full time. I'm still BF and I really wanted her to self wean and I'm not ready to stop yet so when she is poorly all she wants is me. My DH feels bad but I call him the back of house as he keeps everything ticking over in the background lol.

My boss is really understanding and I've started to tell him to not pay me sick days as I feel awful! I feel this understanding phase will pass soon though which I don't blame him but I just don't know what do it.

Do I quit my job and wait til she starts pre school in another year? My worry with that is she's currently at a nursery which goes all the way to secondary school and if I take her out of nursery she may not get a place at the pre school.

Do I ask my boss to put my on an hourly rate rather than salary?

Do I go freelance and become my own boss?

Any advice is appreciated as I have no idea what to do

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Anothermanicmumday1 · 07/12/2022 21:56

Does your DH not take any of the sick days off work too?

Fleabigg · 07/12/2022 21:56

I think your DH should be taking some of the sick days. Since you only work 3 days he wouldn’t have to do many.

Beeinmybonnets · 07/12/2022 22:02

DH needs to do half the sick days. No excuses

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olderthanyouthink · 07/12/2022 22:03

Share the load with DH, he needs to take some time off too.

Work with a sick child around. I had to do this a lot for about half of 2021 with constant coughs, testing and nursery closures, got up early and worked before my partner had to go to work or start work (his is time critical, mine is flexible) then look after DD and work when I could and really go for it if she napped, and then worked when she went to bed. I worked sat in bed with her watching tv or set her up with an activity and worked along side her.

I now have to work with 2 DC (1&4) at home when childcare falls through but it's not them getting sick now so it's even harder because they won't just lie there poorly

Heyahun · 07/12/2022 22:04

you & your husband take turns being off!

can you do your work in the evening when child is asleep or is it needing to be done in office hours

my 1 year old needed a week off recently from nursery and I got up at 7am and worked at home 2 mornings and husband looked after her - then we swapped at 10am and we both crammed in work during her nap!

I ended up working then from 7pm for a bit to catch up.
it was absolutely exhausting but that’s how we deal with it

I ended up taking one day off to look after her and husband the same and we had 2 of this horrible cramming days in between.

Merrow · 07/12/2022 22:05

Depends on the nature of your jobs. DP and I split the days (take them as annual leave) but we're often in the position that we can work a day at the weekend and claw back the time then. I wouldn't quit over it.

Reluctantadult · 07/12/2022 22:06

I agree with pp, share the sick days, and catch up your hours in evenings or at weekends. Don't ditch it now if your work are understanding, that's going to be gold for you with starting school etc.

Crabbi · 07/12/2022 22:07

We just share the sick days. It’s frustrating, but not really a lot you can do. We try and work from home together and just cover each others meetings when we can.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 07/12/2022 22:14

DH and I look at the day ahead, and decide what meetings each of us has to prioritize, and try to move around or cancel the rest. We each take about half a day off, and then catch up in the evening when DCs are in bed.

Also, as another PP said, sometimes you can keep working even when you’re on duty. When my DCs are unwell, we throw our screen time limitations out the window and they watch a fair bit of Netflix. If they’re starting to feel better, I can still get some work done while they’re colouring, leafing through picture books, or playing with blocks or trains.

Last thing, if you can afford it: nanny/housekeeper. We have someone who comes two days a week to help with laundry, cleaning, meal prep, etc. She knows our DCs well and can often step in to help when they are ill. We’d set the expectation from the first interview that this would be part of her role, and she’s been a life saver many, many days.

It’s not easy, but it’s not all the time, either. There’s no way I’d give up years of my career to manage these hiccups every couple of weeks.

Original poster

Jadey31 · 08/12/2022 05:36

Thank you all for your replies.

We've tried with DH having her whilst I work upstairs in the office but she's just constantly crying for me because she wants milk. We've tried the screen time but she just wants to play in mummy's laptop. I've taken her into the office before but that lasted an hour before she was done. I usually do some work in the evenings but she's not always been the best sleeper and still wakes quite frequently. We still co sleep.

I'm all out of ideas but I really appreciate everyone's opinions x

OP posts:

alasangne · 08/12/2022 05:42

Firstly you have done very well for it to only have been the last couple of months out of 6.

Secondly, it will get easier - after about a year it gets easier and less frequent and the bugs they get they are able to handle and go in to nursery a lot of the time.

Thirdly work. DH has to take his fair share. As you're part time if he his full time remember you are also covering 2 of the days anyway. My boss was much more understanding when I explained I was doing 1 day to every 2 of sick cover my DH was doing as I was part time anyway.

You said you tried this and it didn't work so your job can be done from home in these situations I'm guessing. This is a major plus. If you can start early, work in evenings. Don't give in and ask DH to take her out for an hour if he wfh too (stagger your lunch breaks). Can you work from a cafe? A library?

It's very tough. Good luck.

alasangne · 08/12/2022 05:43

If she naps in the day then make the most of the nap and let her sleep as long as she wants even if that throws off the usual schedule

MaggieFS · 08/12/2022 05:47

It's an awful time, but it is a phase and it will get better. Don't quit your job.

How much are you BF when she's well? Just evenings/nights now?

If your DH can't do half because DD pines for you, you'll have to separate yourself from her. Stop being upstairs when she's downstairs and stop taking her into the office (do you mean home office or actual office?!?).

Starting nursery is a transition phase and this is just the next step of it. She will be fine, but there will be a period of adjustment.

ChangingStates · 08/12/2022 05:49

Share the time off work when she’s sick with your DH- when he’s off with her you work out of the house - go into the office if there is one or work in one of those shared work spaces or even a cafe- plenty of people do.

alasangne · 08/12/2022 05:50

I nearly quit my job as it seemed so relentless but it does get better.

PorridgewithQuark · 08/12/2022 06:06

Do you have to work from home?

You should definitely not give up your job and your DH should definitely do half the sick days (infuriatingly dads are usually hailed as demigods if they do this while mums are regarded as barely tolerable flakey employees who should choose between 100% loyalty to their employment or quit their job and stay at home with their children).

If you can't work from home when dh is off with her because she wants you then the solution is to go into the office on those days, unless you don't have an office?

KangarooKenny · 08/12/2022 07:41

If your DH is having her, why don’t you go to the office to work, that way she can’t cry for you ?

ZenNudist · 08/12/2022 07:51

Can you Work out of the home when DH has her. She doesn't scream for you all day in nursery. She will be a lot calmer if you aren't an option. How much illness can she have had? I'd get pissed off if one of my employees had a DH and was doing all the sick time. If she's off nursery all week then DH can have her for at least 2 days but he can cover 3 for a while to make up for all the time you've taken so far.

Dh and I always shared things equally. Took holiday/ flexible working / parental leave . Yes there were occasions where work was busy and dc off sick all week. We juggled. Fortunately it wasn't often.

ZenNudist · 08/12/2022 07:56

Also at 2 you probably need to wean her off the breast if it's making her clingy.

I BF both mine til 2 but just morning and evening dropping to just evening. Ds1 dropped me entirely just as he was nearly 2, and with ds2 I just stopped due to thrush and it having gone on long enough as he was well over 2.

You are going to have to stop an over dependency on you to settle her. My friend has a clingy 4yo and she can never do anything in the evening. It makes getting to activities for her elder dc difficult and she has no evening social life. Meanwhile her H plays on it and says "oh but I cant" etc.

houseargh · 08/12/2022 07:56

My DH and I split the days off, and it's still a lot but just about survivable. I guess you have to ask yourself if breastfeeding past two is so important to you that it's worth eg. quitting your job or any of the other options described above - if it truly is then go for it, but bear in mind it will be ending naturally in the next year or so anyway (and you may well get sick of it before she does) so think hard before doing anything dramatic job-wise, especially in the current climate

LittleBearPad · 08/12/2022 08:03

Don’t quit your job. Can you work elsewhere when DH is looking after her or at least pretend to? Can he take her out for a walk.

WishingWell5 · 08/12/2022 08:08

She wouldn't be having milk at nursery - so leave her with DH and go work at the office (or elsewhere - coffee shop etc?)

Btw I'm in the exact same position as you, also working from home full time and trying to fit it all around a clingy 18 month old who also co sleeps and wants milk ALL the time. Nursery only for 2 days a week. There is so much sickness at the moment... its constant. So I totally empathise.

And my OH has never dealt with the sick days for her or her brother .... there's always an excuse!!

Fingers crossed things will get better easier for us both soon. I think it will be a difficult winter, but keep going and things will get there!

SunshineAndFizz · 08/12/2022 08:08

Hang in there, it does get easier.

The simple answer is to wean off the breast, naturally that's a personal choice though, however you'll struggle to split the childcare with DH if you don't. Same with the co-sleeping.

Heyahun · 08/12/2022 08:18

You need to take work out of the house if she’s like that

of course she cries for you / wants you / wants milk - so if being home means you give in every time then go work elsewhere so she has i choice but her dad

Heyahun · 08/12/2022 08:18

Has no choice but to be with dad!

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