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Original poster

How often do you and partner get a 'date night' without children

97 replies

NatMoz · 28/11/2022 13:10

I love my baby, she's one in December but in the last year we have had 1 meal out while on holiday where my parents looked after her for a couple of hours, a child free wedding but we came home at 8:30 so my parents could go home and this Saturday we went for a meal after hiring a babysitter for the first time ever.

Talking to some mum friends, they were shocked at how little time we've had just us. They have family taking their (similar aged) babies overnight as well as regular meals out/gigs etc.

Going forward i think we'll go out for a meal once a month using the babysitter (£5 an hour so worth it in my book) so that we can have adult time together but i was curious to know how often you have time apart from your babies/children (not counting nursery during the week when you're working 🤣)?

OP posts:
Anna783426 · 28/11/2022 15:37

One daytime date whilst daughter was at nursery and we both took the day off. Only time she's stayed over night with grandparents was when I gave birth to second daughter who's now six weeks so imagine it will be a while until we get a date night! Think we've accepted that for a while quality time will be at home or family days out - they're only little once and we've both had time to do our own thing, just not as a couple. It's different for everyone though, and dd1 was born at the start of lockdown which meant a very cozy first year or so, without any solid relationships with anyone else.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 28/11/2022 15:38

We get a babysitter every few weeks now that they are 3 and 6 but we didn't do it very often at all when they were babies. We have a couple of nursery staff who babysit so I feel very comfortable with them and the kids actually really look forward to it

HS1990 · 28/11/2022 15:38

Never. My DD is 2.5 years old and we have since welcomed DS.

I think we are just used to it. If I need quality time with him, we just cuddle in front of the TV together, or get a takeaway.

The only time my kids have been overnight somewhere else (only my parents) has been for hospital stays (when DS was born and when DD was in for RSV virus).

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20viona · 28/11/2022 15:38

Every 3-4 weeks or so. My parents are happy to watch the baby and toddler at ours and my mother in law will have them overnight easily as she has a room for them. It's really important for your relationship.

Dontaskdontget · 28/11/2022 15:39

Once a year probably. We arranged a few more but always cancel cos DH tired ☹️

Floydthebarber · 28/11/2022 15:40

About twice a year, but it is only since our youngest turned about 4 that we started to do this. I would ideally like to go out in the evening with dh every couple of months but I don't want to ask that much of my parents.

Lullabies2Paralyze · 28/11/2022 15:45

Never, but he’s only 8 months and still BF

in-laws would love to have him overnight but they live a distance away which we would be expected to drive and then we’d have to book a hotel if we wanted an actual baby free night which just seems daft and expensive.

my parents live closer, they enjoy seeing him but haven’t offered to look after him for longer than a dentist trip. They made it clear they don’t want to have a crying baby or dirty nappies. I used to live a lot closer to them than I currently do and I think if I still lived that close they would have made more effort to have him overnight knowing that they could hand him back quicker if it got too much.

I would love to have a baby free nigt before I finish Mat leave but I can’t see it happening

BigSandyBalls2015 · 28/11/2022 16:03

We had lots of nights out and weekends away when our DDs were small but only due to fabulous in laws who loved having them overnight.

Also sleepovers at friends, once they started school, and brownie camps/school trips. One advantage of twins was they did the trips together.

SuperFly123 · 28/11/2022 16:06

Just had our first night out together and baby turned one last week. Until 11 months her sleep was dreadful but now it’s improved her granny can give us a night off, aiming for once every couple of weeks hopefully. If she wasn’t local and happy to do it I think this would still be a long way off for us.

TellySavalashairbrush · 28/11/2022 16:18

A handful of times until dc was early teens and we could finally afford a sitter. My family didn't believe in childminding for anything except work and medical appointments. I would say it has had a negative impact as now dc has left home and it is just the two of us, we are stuck in a rut and I don't really know how to just be a partner rather than a full time parent.

LongingToBeByTheSea · 28/11/2022 17:16

The last time we went out together by ourselves was our first wedding anniversary- five and a half years ago.

Hugasauras · 28/11/2022 17:51

Not very often as we have no family nearby but tbh it doesn't bother me that much. We just make sure we do nice stuff together in the evenings. We are homebodies anyway! I go out with my friends for meals and stuff but DH doesn't really bother.

We do occasionally have a lunch date somewhere on nursery days though!

gogohmm · 28/11/2022 17:57

The baby years are easier, they are so portable, you just take them with you. Much harder once they are too big for a pushchair, that's when you really need a sitter

Skala123 · 28/11/2022 18:01

ScatteredMama82 · 28/11/2022 13:47

Once a month. We pay for a babysitter and enjoy ourselves. The number of friends we have who complaint that their marriage is suffering because they get no time as a couple baffles me. It's not hard, and you don't need family help either. We have none, but we have sitters that we trust and because we pay them we don't feel like we are asking for a favour from anyone.

Exactly this! The No family = no childcare is utter nonsense. Either pay a sitter or if funds don't allow it start a babysitting circle with some friends. Child free nights out as a couple are so important

VoyageInTheDark · 28/11/2022 18:24

Twice in 5 years. Both DC have been bad sleepers and wouldn't settle for a random babysitter.

CornishGem1975 · 28/11/2022 18:35

VoyageInTheDark · 28/11/2022 18:24

Twice in 5 years. Both DC have been bad sleepers and wouldn't settle for a random babysitter.

Have you tried putting them to bed and then going out? That's what I did when my DS was going through an unsettled phase. I guess it depends how much they are likely to wake through the evening though, once he was out, he was out.

SamanthaVimes · 28/11/2022 19:02

Once DD1 was at nursery we’d occasionally have date days. We haven’t done many evening things because she’s a pain at night so difficult for anyone else to do bedtime so daytime stuff was easier for us (eg if we had a week off together we’d still send her to nursery as normal for her 2 days and do family stuff the other days)

RobinRobinMouse · 28/11/2022 19:06

Maybe once a year, possibly less. We prefer doing stuff as a three really.

Tmatfirst · 28/11/2022 19:16

We have a 4 y old and 1 y old and haven't gone out just the two of us since the eldest was born. Unfortunately we don't have anyone who could have the children.

We keep saying we need to find a trusted babysitter, but at the moment when they are so little it just doesn't seem right, we'd rather look after then ourselves.

We have an understanding that our relationship as a couple is only second priority right now. Saying that, they are both good sleepers and in a good routine so we get a good few child-free hours every evening but we just need to hang out at home.

MintyGreenDreams · 28/11/2022 19:21

We had nights out alone once a month or so when ds 8 was younger and my parents were younger.We need breaks less now so I'd say around one every few months nowadays.We're having one this Saturday the first time in ages 🥳🥳🥳

Merlott · 28/11/2022 19:22

Twice a year!

bigfamilygrowingupfast · 28/11/2022 19:29

So I think maybe twice before she was one? We only went out once for a meal and another time Christmas shopping. And only overnight when she was about 18 months.

It's quite rare where I live, and especially amongst my group of friends, to leave a baby under 1 for more than a couple of hours, and definitely not overnight until they're much older.

bigfamilygrowingupfast · 28/11/2022 19:33

Just to add as well, mine and my partners relationship is very positive and we spend a lot of time together! So I guess we don't really feel the need to have date nights etc

Beanbagtrap · 28/11/2022 19:34

Not had a night or any time on our own when we aren't working since I was pregnant with DC1, who is 7 now.

Openthegate · 28/11/2022 19:35

Never.

I would so love to have a weekend off, but there’s just no one to have DS.